And here's our favorite video to post each Christmas…
P.S. to the Previous Message
Just before my computer crashed, I searched a folder of pics I took up at the MAD offices back in the seventies because I took some in the office of William Gaines. He said "You can photograph anything you want except me" but I didn't get a photo of his little Arbuckle display. Still, I figured someone might like to see this one…

The ceiling was filled with model zeppelins, many of them the MAD Zeppelin, featured for a time in the magazine. The cash register was configured so each button had a picture of a MAD staffer or a saying and when you pushed it, what popped up was not a price but a joke connected with what was on the button. The large head of King Kong was a gift from its sculptor, Sergio Aragonés. There were all sorts of toys and fun things in that office…and there was Bill, who was a very big and very rich kid.
Merry Today!
Do I look any different to you? I should. I'm on my backup computer, my primary P.C. having decided Christmas Eve is the perfect time to go kablooey! on me. I mean, what better time to crash than the night you sure as hell can't call anyone or figure out who to have fix it? Everything's backed-up eight ways but my semi-informed diagnosis suggests I need a new C drive. Suggestions in the L.A. area are welcome. I've fixed a lot of things on that ol' computer but this one lies just outside my area of expertise.
Meanwhile, I've received a lot of messages about Roscoe Arbuckle and the scandal that ended his career. Most wrote what Gordon Robson wrote…
Regarding Dave S. Humphreys' comment, I thought it was obvious that your "raped some woman" remark carried an implicit rejection of that kind of attitude which some people might have had, and that it didn't reflect your own feelings about the poor woman. Funny how Mr. Humphreys seemed to see what wasn't there. Anyway, just thought I'd say you needn't worry, as most readers undoubtedly knew what you meant.
Yeah, but I'd like all readers to know what I meant. I realize that may be impossible, especially these days, but I can't help thinking that someone who calls himself a Professional Writer oughta be able to write so clearly that no one reads me wrong. There's plenty here to disagree with if you do understand what I'm trying to say.
Now, this may be of some interest. When I wrote about how people don't know what really happened with Mr. Arbuckle, I thought of mentioning Bill Gaines, the longtime publisher of MAD and a beloved figure among most who knew him or loved MAD and/or E.C. Comics. In his office, Bill had two photos in a joint frame — one of Roscoe Arbuckle and one of Virginia Rappe. Ms. Rappe, as we know, was the actress who died at a party Arbuckle hosted, leading to him being charged with violating and killing her. Gaines had them "united" in one of those frames where you might unite pics of your parents or your two kids or some couple like that. And he had an antique Coca-Cola bottle on display in front of the photos.
You might think this was poor taste humor. But Bill Gaines, let's remember, published MAD, Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror and lots of things that were routinely denounced as poor taste humor. For him, it certainly wasn't.
I decided not to mention Bill's little display as an example of how folks don't know the truth about the Arbuckle/Rappe matter but didn't. Then I got a note from a reader of this site, Bob Gillian. The Mad World of William M. Gaines, by the way, was a fine book by MAD writer Frank Jacobs about Gaines and his publishing history…
I thought you might be interested in the following. Back in 1974 I was the proud owner of The MAD World of William M. Gaines. Alas, it seems to have disappeared over the years so I can't quote from it, but Gaines was quoted in it as saying something along the lines of he kept pictures of Fatty Arbuckle and Virginia Rappe on his desk and found it amusing that many visitors thought they were his parents as Rappe was raped to death by Arbuckle. Well, my teenage ire was aroused as I also believed then (and still do) that Arbuckle was railroaded, so I immediately rushed to my typewriter and dashed off a letter to Mr. Gaines, taking him to task and explaining why I believed Arbuckle was innocent. I expected no response, so imagine my surprise when this arrived in the mail.
Bob sent me a scan of the letter from Gaines on MAD letterhead, but it will be easier if I just quote what he said…
Thank you so much for writing! Actually, I know that Arbuckle was probably blameless in this affair but it has taken on a rather humorous mythological caste & we all love to talk about Arbuckle & his "coke" bottle! What happened to him was tragic at the time but everybody's dead now & we just kid about it! Best wishes.
And I explained the true story to Bill, too. I guess to some people, a legend is a legend in the true sense of the word. In these days, when everyone is called a "legend," we forget that Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed were legends, too — meaning that not everything said about them is true. Anyway, I wish Frank in the book hadn't written what he wrote or that Bill had made clear he didn't believe it.
Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 288
Hello. Hope you're having a safe 'n' jolly Day Before and that it continues at least through whatever holiday(s) you choose to celebrate at this time o' year. I'm sitting here, thinking of doing something immoral and/or illegal to help Donald Trump to see if I can get me one of them nifty pardons he's been giving out.
The e-mail address where I receive all those messages his organization has been sending me is jammed with them today. Most say something like "Last Chance" in the subject line and I was hoping, "Oh! If I don't donate now, they'll stop sending me opportunities to do so." But drat and double-drat. Turns out Donald personally signed a MAGA hat for me and this is my absolute last chance to donate so they can send me my hat. If not, they're going to give it to someone else.
It breaks my heart but I'm thinking I just may have to let them give it to someone else.
Today's Video Link
Here's our second-favorite video to post each Christmas…
From the E-Mailbag…
Dave S Humphreys wrote with reference to my post on Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle…
I've been reading your column for a while and it's become a part of my daily routine. I'm a little troubled by some phrasing in your post, namely …"because he raped some woman"…
The use of the word "some" sounds dismissive, like she was not someone worth of any consideration — just another anonymous bimbo. "A" woman would sound much better. Or mentioning her name (Virginia Rappe) would humanize her more. I don't believe he was guilty, myself, though I won't contest your saying that he raped a woman. That is your opinion.
I am not a feminist, but I was struck by the sad ending for this poor woman when I first read of it 40 years ago.
Thanks for all of the great content over the years.
I think I've been misinterpreted here. Maybe it was my fault. I don't think Arbuckle was guilty and I don't think the woman he was accused of harming was unworthy of any consideration. The lines that bothered you read…
…you've probably heard that his career ended because he raped some woman in a hotel room and she died. You may not have heard that he was totally exonerated of the crime but nonetheless banned from the silver screen.
Was he guilty? He went through three trials. The first two resulted in hung juries. The last one not only found him Not Guilty but also issued a statement that said that "…there was not the slightest proof adduced to connect him in any way with the commission of a crime." That's good enough for me to reach the conclusion that, like I said, he was totally exonerated. How could you have thought I thought he was guilty?
But most people haven't heard that part. They just heard he raped a woman and they don't know her name or care about it. With the word "some," I was not demeaning her…just saying that's how little most people knew of the case. (An awful lot of people also seem to think he raped her with a Coke bottle, though that does not seem to have been alleged or even mentioned by any prosecutor of the time. I believe it was a speculation in some newspaper and it caught the worst part of some folks' imagination, as did the whole wretched story.)
About three decades ago, I did a lot of research about Arbuckle for a project that never went the distance. I don't recall it all now…and since then, there have been a number of books so I probably need to brush up and update. But I do remember deciding that his banishment was inexcusable but understandable. Movies were still new and there were religious leaders benefiting from decrying Hollywood Decadence, to say nothing of the yellow journalism of the day that knew how to sell newspapers filled with lurid scandal.
Arbuckle was almost certainly innocent of what happened to Virginia Rappe but he did host what to much of America seemed like a "wild party" that flaunted conventional morality: Unescorted women, illegal drinking (during Prohibition), etc. The Hearst newspapers covering the trials made sure America heard that Ms. Rappe had a bad reputation. Whether he'd harmed her or not, Arbuckle was carousing with one of those "bad girls"…and of course, his weight and baby face made him a colorful player in the sinful drama.
Silent film producer Hal Roach told me the moguls of his business had sacrificed "Fatty" as a kind of appeasement to those who thought Hollywood was Sodom and Gomorrah rolled into one. It was like, "See? We got rid of the cancer!" He said they were afraid that "the public" would look too closely at the way they — the studio owners, that is — were living and partying and whoring and drinking. And I guess it worked…for them.
Getting back to why you wrote, Dave: I'm sorry you thought I thought Arbuckle was guilty or that Virginia Rappe was just "some woman." I never thought either for a minute. But it's the way a lot of people then saw it, making it another one of those "lessons for our time" from which very few people learn.
Today's Video Link
Okay, let's start the countdown! Here's our third-favorite video to post each Christmas…
Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 287
Among left-wing pundits who criticize the media, one sees a fascinating debate these days. We have all these leaks from the White House — Trump said this, Trump asked about that — that include some pretty shocking musings if he's really and truly serious about them. But it's clear from the man's track record that when Trump says even as a formal announcement he's going to do something, that doesn't mean he's ever going to do that thing. He was going to release his taxes. He was going to release a great new health plan to replace Obamacare with something that would be better and cheaper. He was going to make Mexico pay for The Wall.
(I suspect what he meant with that last one was he was going to get Mexico to buy Chris Hardwick's game show but I don't think he ever spent ten seconds on that.)
So the debate comes down to this: When someone tells someone that Trump is asking someone something about declaring Martial Law or issuing pardons to every Republican who has ever served him without betraying him…should that be headline news? Or do we ignore these unsourced (usually) vague "Trump asked about this in a meeting" reports as the daydreaming of a guy who only occasionally does what he says he's going to do?
I have no answer for this but a lot of people of varied political affiliations are worried he's going to do something CA-RAZY before he either vacates or is dragged kicking and screaming from the Oval Office. And I assume all presidents in private ask about or discuss actions that they have no intention of actually doing.
Sad to hear of the death at age 59 of Broadway star Rebecca Luker who was so lovely and perfect in the 2000 revival of The Music Man (which I saw) and a local production of She Loves Me (which I saw) and lots of other shows (which I didn't see). And how did I not know that she was married to Danny Burstein? Condolences to him and to us all.
On my "to do" list is sending out "thank you" e-mails to all those who've sent cash-type donations to this blog to note its twentieth anniversary. I hope to get them out before the twenty-first anniversary. I can't do that for those of you who've been using my Amazon link for your holiday shopping because I don't know who you are. But that is also appreciated.
Today's Video Link
Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle. If you've ever heard of this great film comedian — mainly of the silent era — you've probably heard that his career ended because he raped some woman in a hotel room and she died. You may not have heard that he was totally exonerated of the crime but nonetheless banned from the silver screen.
And you may not have heard that as a performer, he was right up there with Charlie Chaplin, Harold Lloyd and Buster Keaton, two of whom claimed Arbuckle as a friend and mentor. There is more to learn about him in this mini-documentary, including the frustrating fact that his films are hard to come by these days. Several are lost. Others exist but have not had the extensive restoration work that has preserved the legacy of other great movie clowns. It is perhaps telling that even this overview of his life had to reuse some clips several times to fill eighteen and a half minutes.
I've sought his films out over the years and the more I see of Arbuckle, the more I see where other comics — Keaton, especially — picked up the tricks and styles they picked up. Watch this short but fine overview of his life by Joe Ramoni and see what I mean…
My Latest Tweet
- I have now sanitized my hands so much, I no longer have fingerprints.
My Latest Tweet
- The more Trump fights to stay in office, the more I wonder what kind of prosecutions he's expecting.
Today's Video Link
When Stephen Colbert talks to guests via ZOOM (or whatever platform they use), he has to have his guests do a "slate." Here's a collection of them…
Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 285
Yesterday when we left me on my Saturday walk, I decided not to waste time/effort/breath on a lady who insisted on wearing no mask because of the "hoax." I don't get why such people are so willing — almost eager — to risk their lives and the lives of those around them on the premise that something like 99% of all doctors who specialize in communicable diseases, as well as a solid majority of Americans, are wrong about this virus thing.
You have your conspiracy nuts who think the whole thing is a sham, there's no coronavirus and all those reported deaths are because some all-powerful cabal is wildly exaggerating the number of people who die from everyday causes and they're passing it off a pandemic. These conspiracy nuts should not be confused with the conspiracy nuts who've decided that the virus is real but it was man-made — probably by Bill Gates and George Soros pooling their spare change — to control us all and force us to submit to Socialism, Fascism and High Fructose Corn Syrup.
I got an e-mail a month or three ago from one guy who's in both camps: There is a virus, it is killing people, it was man-made…and it also doesn't really exist. But hey, why miss out on any reason to line one's chapeau with Reynolds Wrap?
When I moved on from the maskless lady on the corner, I noticed a sign on the front of a department store near me that used to be a KMart. I wrote back here about its spectacular — junk you don't want at prices you can't afford to turn down — sale. Then for several months, it was an empty, unlisted building…
Then suddenly one day, it was mysteriously painted purple or violet or magenta or pink or whatever you want to call this color…

What it was being turned-into was a pop-up museum called The Zone, aka The Britney Spears Zone. It was a touristy attraction for fans of Ms. Spears, filled with sets and costumes and re-creations of scenes from her most famous music videos. One could tour it for an admission price I don't recall but it was more than my curiosity wanted to pay — i.e., more than a dime. I'm not certain when it opened or how many people went through it before it was shut tight by The Pandemic. I suspect someone lost an awful lot of money.

Quietly and without notice, it was recently repainted to green and converted into what looks to me like a seasonal (only) department store. In its new identity, it cried out to be photographed and posted here because it so well represents what makes this Christmas different from all past Christmases and, we fervently hope, all future ones…
And below, there was a smaller sign announcing that Santa was away at the North Pole and would be back on duty soon.
If you go to the web address on the banner, you can read how they've achieved what they say is "the only safe photo with Santa in Los Angeles." It includes…
- The Magic Santa Shield is an acrylic barrier in place between Santa and families at all times.
- All surfaces are cleaned and sanitized between each visit.
- All team members wear face coverings. Customer requirements are based on local guidelines.
- Families standby in a designated area away from other shoppers.
…and that's how they offer a "contactless Claus." If it wasn't $45, I might have gone in and done the old "grin grin, wink wink, snap snap," just to see if they had elves scurrying around with bottles of Purell®. It seemed kinda…creepy to me, this whole idea of taking kids to see Santa but he's been sanitized for their protection.
But the more I thought about it, the more I thought this: Going to see Santa Claus at a department store has always been kinda creepy. You go there, you wait in line, you sit on his knee like dozens, maybe hundreds of other kids have. You tell him what you want for Christmas and face some sort of friendly interrogation from this stranger about whether you've been a good little boy or a bad little boy…
And you suspect this is not the real Santa. On the way in, you spotted Santa outside the store ringing a bell for Salvation Army donations. Somehow, this guy can give free toys and gifts to every little good boy or girl who hasn't been naughty. His elves can even somehow make the Wham-O, Hasbro, Ideal or Mattel toys you want for Christmas — or the toys of any other privately-held company…but he has to beg for loose change outside every department store in town and somehow, also appear inside every one so kids can visit him.
You begin to suspect the knee you're on might actually belong to some outta-work wino who somehow sobered up enough to land a job for the holidays. I thought back to when my folks took me to see Santa. I don't know what age I was but this a real, honest-to-God photo of me meeting The Man or a reasonable facsimile…
Does that kid on the right look happy to you? Does he look like he wants to sit on that old guy's knee? Wouldn't he prefer to not be there or at least to have a Magic Santa Shield between him and the guy from the temp agency wearing the fake beard?
Someday, the coronavirus will be gone and we will all get back to something that will resemble normality. That will be wonderful but I'd like to suggest that if we have to have Santa Claus Performance Artists in stores at Christmas, we keep them all behind acrylic barriers and douse them liberally with pine-scented Lysol. COVID-19 isn't the only thing we have to worry about.
Today's Video Link
Stephen Colbert answers a lot of questions while drinking whiskey…
My Latest Tweet
- Apparently, one way you can get to the head of the line for the COVID-19 vaccine is to have helped convince a lot of Americans that they didn't have to wear masks or avoid large groups of the similarly-unmasked.