Have you seen those clever parody commercials the Eveready battery people have running on TV?  The ones that are interrupted by the rabbit with the drum?  Well, several of them give addresses for websites for the fictitious products.  Like, there's the one for "Growzan," a new hair-grow medicine.  The commercials, if you listen carefully, are pretty funny…and the websites, like www.growzan.com, are even funnier.  Take a peek if you run out of stuff to read here.  Not that you will, of course…

Okay I know, I know!  For years now it seems, I've been answering the eternal question of when I was going to do this with, "I stand on my Constitutional right not to have a website."  But since our Constitution doesn't seem to mean a lot lately, I figured it was about time I got this thing up and running.  (And say, why don't we save the country the cost of a robe by sending Clarence Thomas home and just giving Scalia two votes?)  For a year or three, I even put off registering www.evanier.com.  I mean, who else would want it?

There are only about a dozen Evaniers on the planet, most of whom don't understand the scientific principle behind the hammer, let alone the Internet.  Finally, one day, Josh Jones — who operates www.groo.com with our blessing — offered to help me sign up so I figured I might as well.  The next day, a cousin I'd never met tried to register the name.  Can you imagine the fights that must have ensued over www.jones.com and www.smith.com?  Yeesh.

Anyway, after a year or three of leaving this site "under construction," I've finally decided to stick a mess of my old columns and a few other goodies here for your perusal.  If you have any special requests not involving nude photos, let me know.  I'll try to add something new every week or two…but you know how that goes…