Mark’s Creamy Tomato Soup

CAUTION: This recipe is for BAD COOKS ONLY. If you know your way around a kitchen — say, if you know the difference between a shallot and a skillet — THIS RECIPE IS NOT FOR YOU. You can do so much better and its utter simplicity will make you feel like you're not really cooking. Attempt only if you're the kind of person who looks at a recipe, sees the word "deglaze" and says, "This is way too complicated for me." Thank you.

Now then: I used to visit outlets of the Souplantation restaurant every March to feast on what they called Classic Creamy Tomato Soup. They had it every year during the month of my birth and every so often for a week or so around October. I unsuccessfully lobbied the company to make it a year-round offering…although I did convince one lady in their Customer Service department that it would be a good idea.

That wise woman is no longer in that job and, I dearly hope, not waiting in line at a soup kitchen somewhere. The entire Souplantation empire — including its sister chain, Sweet Tomatoes — went out of business in May 0f 2020. Some would attribute it to the spread of COVID-19 that made dining-out a bad idea and buffet-style restaurants a really bad idea. Maybe that had something to do with the firm's demise but I prefer to think it was just a matter of not listening to me.

Even before their closure, I was looking for a soup that was just as good — and I was willing to settle for almost just as good — for the 47 or 48 weeks a year when they did not offer my favorite soup. I could not find such a soup. Many readers of my blog nominated their faves but none of them did it for me. And by the way: Since I stumbled upon the recipe below, I have stopped looking. Do not bother sending me your suggestions. I am quite happy with this. It's almost just as good (I think) as the Souplantation soup…and "almost" is good enough for me.

It's also ridiculously cheap and quick to prepare.

Making my own creamy tomato soup was an idea that did occur to me early-on. The Souplantation Customer Service lady told me that they would not or could not give me the recipe but at any of their restaurants, I could ask to see what went into any item they served. So one March, I asked. I have a great memory and I figured maybe I could quickly memorize the plans and use that as my starting point. The chef gave me an odd look but he hauled out a big three-ring notebook covered with food stains, turned to the proper page and thrust it into my mitts.

For a second there, it felt like I was being entrusted with The Secret of Eternal Life…but there was a problem. The list of ingredients was insane — at least fifty items, some of them with strange chemical-sounding names. Even if I could have remembered them all, it would take me days to gather, dice, trim, sauté or otherwise prep and combine them all. I have no idea what's in The Secret of Eternal Life but I'll bet you it doesn't have that many different things in it.

Later on, I tried a couple of recipes I found online, most of which involved cans of crushed 'n' peeled San Marzano tomatoes. What I made was edible…maybe a little better than that…but not worth the time and effort. Then I came upon this one which takes almost no time, almost no effort. What you'll need is…

Jarred Marinara Sauce. I use Rao's, which is the best one I've found. I dunno about where you live but just about every market in Southern California carries it and the jars are bigger and cheaper at Costco. A pack of two 28-ounce jars there fluctuates in price between eleven bucks and $13.50 and I stock up when it's at the lower price. Experiment with other brands at your own risk.
Chicken Stock. Any kind. Doesn't have to be organic. I just use the Kirkland organic stuff because I get it at the same time I order from Costco and it's often cheaper than their non-organic.
Heavy Whipping Cream. Same deal as the Chicken Stock except that I was ordering from Amazon Fresh and that's what they had.
Garlic-Cheese Croutons. Okay, this is a key ingredient. Don't bother making this soup if you're not going to put croutons in it, especially ones of the Garlic-Cheese variety. It's like making a hamburger without adding the toppings you consider vital to any hamburger you eat. The croutons I love are made by a California-based firm called Just Off Melrose. They may seem a little pricey online or in some markets but I figured out that Just Off Melrose — I'm giving away a trade secret here — makes the exact same croutons, slaps the name "Trader Joe's" on them and they're sold for a much lower price at you-know-where. I have no idea how far this subterfuge extends but in Southern California, Gelson's and other chains sell a package for $6.49 and at Trader Joe's, the exact same thing is $3.98 or occasionally less. Get what you can where you can.

How to cook the soup? You'll need a big-enough pot and a blender. That's it. At first, I used a tabletop blender but someone had to wash it. Then I got what they call a hand or stick blender that I could just stick in the pot. And at first, someone had to wash the whole top of the stove because I got the "regular" and "turbo" buttons on the stick blender confused and sprayed soup all over the place.

But you put in the marinara sauce. Then you put in around half as much chicken stock…and the way you do that is to empty it into the jar that held the marinara, swish it around to "deglaze" the jar and pour it all in with the sauce. If you want it more "tomatoey," put in a little less stock. If you want it thinner, put in a little more. If you're not sure, remember you can add more stock later but you can't extract it.

Add a splash of the whipping cream. I use about a tenth the amount of the marinara sauce. So if I use a 28 ounce jar of Rao's sauce, I put in around three ounces of the cream, maybe a tad less. Again, adjust to your tastes and remember you can add more later. It doesn't take a lot to achieve that "creamy" mouth feel.

Then blend until everything's combined and the whole thing is the consistency of soup. Heat it in the pot, stirring often with a non-metal spoon until it's simmering. Take a taste and see if you want to add some garlic or onion powder or something of the sort. I'm always playing around with it. Just make sure you serve the soup with croutons, preferably of the Garlic-Cheese kind.

I think it's pretty good for someone with my limited ability for cooking and my even more limited ability to spend more than fifteen minutes preparing anything in the kitchen. It also impresses me that it only has three ingredients — four if you count the croutons — whereas the Souplantation recipe called for what seemed like eighty. No wonder they only made it once a year.

Hope you enjoy it. If you don't, don't tell me. Just say to yourself, "It took ten minutes and three or four ingredients! What was I expecting?"

UPDATE 3/12/22: I have two changes to make at this time. First, Trader Joe's seems to have this policy of discontinuing any item that I really like and repeatedly purchase. They no longer carry those fine croutons, at least in the stores I patronize. Also: Lately, I've had good luck adding one more ingredient to the soup — a handful of shredded cheese. I usually use these packets of mixed cheeses — some combination of parmesan, mozzarella and/or provolone. Toss it in and when you blend, blend until there's no more trace of the cheese. It makes for better soup and really, when you get right down to it, isn't that really all life is about?