Here and there, if you look real hard, you can find some good things that have resulted from COVID-19. A lady I dated back in the previous century called the other day to say that her husband died from it. I would ordinarily consider that a tragedy even though I never met the guy…but she seems pretty happy about it. I've also come to enjoy my home in ways I never enjoyed it before. And it looks like smoking is effectively being banned in Las Vegas casinos and presumably casinos elsewhere.
I have no foreseeable plans to set foot in Vegas, let alone elsewhere, but when I finally do, I will appreciate that. For both physical and spiritual reasons, I hate being around smoking…and not just smoking tobacco. I've gotten very sick at times because of it and that's never pleasant…though I did enjoy to some extent one instance. I politely asked a stranger near me to smoke in the other direction. Instead, just to be a dick about it, he turned and blew smoke in my face and I responded by throwing up on his pants.
Perhaps that drilled home the concept that others weren't just being finicky to tell him they didn't enjoy it. And if that didn't, I can't imagine what would.
Casinos in Vegas have experimented in the past with banning smoking. Every so often in the previous century, one would try it and revenues would plunge so severely that they'd either hurriedly rescind the rule or, in a couple of cases, go out of business. This century, some have successfully cordoned off "no smoking" areas so it's less likely you have to breathe in Winston fumes while playing slots, rolling craps or losing shirts.
But the casinos have had two problems segregating the smokers. One is that the ventilation/circulation in those places is complicated and odd and you can sometimes find yourself inhaling the cologne on that pit boss twenty yards away, over near the Sports Book. Last time I stayed at Harrah's, I couldn't walk past the exterior of the buffet without smelling honey-glazed ham and perhaps the guy carving it.
And secondly, you have people who believe their personal freedom includes the right to do whatever they want wherever and whenever they want…or as they often phrase it, whatever/whenever/wherever the f*ck they want, although they sometimes don't pronounce the asterisk. It's amusing and manageable when — and we've all seen the news clips and videos — someone insists there's an amendment in the Bill of Rights that says they can shop at Target without a mask…
But what if it's someone a little harder to say "no" to? In Vegas, they have such people. They call them "Whales." Some time ago on this blog, I told the following story…
One year a long time ago, I had to spend a week in Las Vegas and I worked day and night in my room but especially night. I was writing a script, often until 7 AM or 8 AM. Then I'd sleep most of the day, just to annoy the housekeepers.
Around 3 AM, I would take a break and walk from my room at the Luxor to the Krispy Kreme stand over in the Excalibur. The two hotels are owned by the same company and there's a walkway that connects them. It was a long walk so I felt better about eating a Krispy Kreme donut than if I hadn't burned so many calories to get to it.
There was a very cute lady who worked there and as she didn't have much to do at 3 AM, we always got to talking. I think I went over for the conversation as much as for the donut. This was not a romantic thing — she was married and in an early stage of pregnancy — but I liked talking with her and making her laugh. One night as I walked up, I said, "What's the latest donut?" She said they'd just made Cinnamon Buns so I said, "I'll have a Cinnamon Bun." As she was fetching it, a well-dressed man rushed up, shoved his way past me and demanded a dozen assorted donuts, IMMEDIATELY!
She said, "I'll help you as soon as I finish helping this gentleman." That didn't satisfy the well-dressed man and he screamed like it was an emergency, "YOU WILL GIVE ME THE DONUTS NOW!!!" I nodded to her to help him first and she began putting donuts in a box for the man. As she did, I turned to him and said, "You sound like someone's holding your loved ones at gunpoint for a donut ransom."
He said, "It's worse than that! We have a whale who's demanding them or he's going to go to another casino!" ("Whale" is the Vegas term for a gambler who bets — and preferably loses — in the $100,000 and up category.) I realized the fellow was a casino host, probably not from the Excalibur.
A casino host jumps at the whims of such gamblers. The bigger the whale, the higher the jump. From the way he acted, he had a Blackjack player back at this hotel who'd just swallowed Gepetto.
She gave him the box of donuts, he threw twenty dollars at her and, not waiting for change, sprinted out with the box.
What do you think the chances are that if that "Whale" lit up a Kool, that casino host would have told him he couldn't smoke there?
Better/uglier anecdote: One uncrowded night at the old Dunes Hotel, back when I was hustling Blackjack, an older lady dealer was telling the few players at her table stories about Old Vegas. I was one of those players so I heard her tell about a whale at her table who was losing money faster than the U.S. Postal Service. Casino hosts were hovering about, tending to this guy's every notion since he was exactly the kind of customer casinos love: A really rich guy who thought he was a master of the game he was playing and wasn't. He was splitting tens against a dealer ace, she said.
Finally, he decided to knock off for the night and retire to his fully-comped luxury suite upstairs. One of the obsequious hosts asked this guy — who'd probably dropped a half-million dollars in three hours, back in the day when that was a lot of money — "Is there anything you need for your room, sir?"
The whale pointed to the dealer and said, "Her! I'm going to stop off for a drink or two but when I get to my room in thirty minutes, I want to find her naked in my bed."
Remember: This is that dealer telling us this story. She was a nice-looking lady and I'm sure that back when these events took place, she was a younger, even nicer-looking lady. Once Mr. Ace-Splitter had left the table, the casino hosts negotiated what she'd get for being where he wanted her to be. She wouldn't divulge the amount but said with obvious pride, it was "Several times what I made in a year dealing 21."
Regardless of what you think of this story — the truth of it or the morality of it — this kind of thing did happen…and may still happen for all I know in casinos. Does anyone think they would have told that guy he couldn't, you'll excuse the double entendre, enjoy a butt?
The other day, I spoke with a friend who works for a big, big casino corporation. He says that in light of COVID, the answer today may be yes. He thinks smoking is going away in Vegas and that the whales (he calls them "high rollers," even when their game of choice involves no rolling) will just have to live with it. Then this morning, I read on the Las Vegas Advisor website…
Park MGM seems to be doing just fine since it banned smoking; plenty of other casinos around the country, particularly tribal operations, are as well. We rarely take sides on issues, but to us, it's notable that even a sizable percentage of smokers have indicated in polls that they'd prefer casino air not be exempt from indoor smoking bans and that they'd be happy to step outside to get their fix. That was certainly seen in Atlantic City for the full year, from June 2020 to June 2021, that smoking was banned in the casinos. And given that COVID is, first and foremost, a respiratory illness, this seems like as good a time as any to complete the process by including casinos.
Even if you don't go to Vegas — as I will again, eventually — isn't it nice to think that something good could come of The Pandemic? I suppose if I owned stock in a company that makes surgical-type masks, I'd already think that but here's one, however measly, for the rest of us.