There's a video making the rounds of actor Ricky Schroder yelling at a Costco employee who wouldn't let him into the store without a mask. Yes, it's true that Costcos in some states say that you can shop there maskless if you're vaccinated…and no, I don't understand either what's to stop the non-vaccinated from lying about that. But that's not what this post is about.
The name "Karen" has come to describe a person, usually but not necessarily female, who makes a public scene, demanding special treatment and insisting that rules that apply to everyone else do not apply to him or her. The association with the name is unfortunate because I know a number of smart, nice, non-hysterical ladies who happen to be named Karen.
But whatever we call these annoying people, the definition of what they are ought to include the following: Demanding that people who have no power to change the rules for them change the rules for them.
If you were arguing with a high-ranking official in the Costco, it might be different. But the guy at the door enforcing the rules is just the guy at the door enforcing the rules…and it doesn't even matter if they're the rules of Costco Management or the rules of the great state of California. The door guy can't change either. What he can do is get fired.
You see this a lot. I spent a lot of time in hospitals when my mother and my friend Carolyn were ill and I often saw nurses being screamed-at by patients or the loved ones of patients just for abiding by the rules. I remember a man whose wife was in great pain and he kept screaming at this young nurse — I don't think it was even a nurse; more of a nurse-trainee — "GIVE HER SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN!" The nurse was not allowed to do that. It might even have been a law, as opposed to a policy of the hospital. Either way, she kept saying, "I've paged the attending physician. When he gets here, he'll handle this."
That wasn't enough for the husband. He was screaming and scaring the hell out of the nurse and everyone around her. He was vowing he was going to get her fired and she'd lose her nursing license and he was going to sue the hospital (and her, personally) and he was going to start breaking things and he kept yelling, "ONE MINUTE! YOU'VE GOT ONE MINUTE!" Because this poor lady would not violate the law.
Someone finally arrived and handled things but up until then it was a very ugly scene and so utterly pointless. I didn't even think the man's behavior was excusable out of concern for his loved one. I think some people just like to scream at someone who seems defenseless and if they can find a way to make it seem like a matter of principle or human concern, fine. He sure wasn't helping his wife…or anyone.
What he might have done is the kind of thing I learned to do. Talking to another human being like a human being, you say, "I understand you don't have the power to do this but can you tell me how I can speak to someone who does?" That always worked for me.
Switching examples here: Have you ever seen these videos of so-called Sovereign Citizens? These are people who have some strange notions about government…like you can declare yourself a "sovereign citizen" and not obey any law you don't care for. Or they believe bizarre interpretations of the law…like if you're operating a motor vehicle on public highways but you're not doing so for reasons of commerce, you don't need a driver's license. Ergo, you don't need to show one to a police officer who detains you for not having the license plate that you also don't believe is required.
These people never win these arguments…ever. They generally wind up making things much, much worse for themselves and I don't think any of their positions have a gram of merit. But if they do have any right at all on their side, they sure aren't going to triumph in roadside debates with the cops who pull them over. The officers don't have the power to reverse laws as they've been applied for decades or more.
I'm all for standing up for one's rights but you have to stand up in the right place against the right opposition. Yelling at the guy at the door at Costco over Costco policies (or especially, state law) isn't going to get you anywhere. It isn't even going to get you into Costco.
Last June, I couldn't get into a Ralphs Market to get some things. The one door they were using was blocked by a lady demanding to be let in without a mask. The following is stolen from a post on this blog back then…
"I'm not going to be on one of those sheeple," she kept saying…and I don't know about you but I've never seen that insult hurled by anyone who wasn't a sheeple (by their own definition) listening to a different shepherd. I listened to a little of the argument then politely asked if they could move it to one side so some of us masked lambs could get in before the rotisserie chickens were all gone.
She whirled towards me and said, "Don't you feel stupid wearing that mask?" I said, "No, because of it, I'm way less likely than you to get the coronavirus and way more likely to get a half-dozen russet potatoes and some parmigiano reggiano. All you're going to do is get yourself on YouTube for all eternity screaming like a maniac."