Everyone on the news right now is asking how Donald Trump is doing and what he's doing. Well, I can tell you what he's doing. He's going over donor lists searching for my name…
Mark,
We just went over the list of supporters who helped us CRUSH our September End-of-Quarter Goal and we noticed that YOUR NAME was MISSING from the donor list.
SEPTEMBER END-OF-QUARTER DONOR FILE
SUPPORTER: [ADDRESS REDACTED]
END-OF-QUARTER DONATION: $0You have always been a steadfast supporter of President Trump and Vice President Pence, so we were surprised to see that you neglected to help us reach our goal. We can't waste another day, Mark. The entire future of our nation hangs in the balance. It's either a nation destroyed by Joe's radical socialism or a country that flourishes and returns to AMERICAN GREATNESS.
President Trump really needs you to step up, Mark, so he's doing something he rarely does in the hope that you'll join us on the right side of history. For the NEXT HOUR, all gifts will receive an 800%-MATCH OFFER.
This offer is available to you for ONE HOUR, so don't wait. Please contribute ANY AMOUNT in the NEXT HOUR and your gift will automatically be 800%-MATCHED.
President Trump is counting on YOU, Mark, to take advantage of this exclusive offer so that we can maintain our strong lead over Slow Joe and Phony Kamala heading into the FINAL MONTH of the race. He will be reviewing the list of 800%-MATCH Donors TONIGHT and we know he'll be looking for your name.
I still don't get how this "match" thing works. I understand there are donors who will say, "For every hundred dollars you raise, I'll match that amount." But how does Trump just decide to have an 800% match? If that bonus money was coming out of his pocket, okay, that would make sense. But you know he isn't lying there in a hospital bed thinking, "Boy, I wish that longtime steadfast supporter of mine, Mark Evanier, would donate a thousand dollars to my campaign so I can donate eight thousand dollars to it."
If I didn't know better, I'd assume the folks sending out these e-mails to me — often several in one day — think that all potential Trump donors are really, really dumb. Did you miss that part about "maintain our strong lead?"