Okay, here's the Alice Ghostley story. You all know Alice Ghostley, who somehow managed to guest star on 75% of all sitcoms and 50% of all variety shows in the sixties and seventies. A very funny woman. Here's one minute of her selling refrigerators…
In 1997, I was working on a new cartoon show called Channel Umptee-3 and along with writing and rewriting episodes, I was to cast and direct the voice actors. One of the roles we cast was the evil zillionaire, Stickley Ricketts. We selected Jonathan Harris (see previous post) for that part but we had trouble finding the right lady to play his shrewish wife, Pandora. I knew the perfect person was out there but couldn't think of who it might be.
When I asked the show's creator Jim George who he had in mind, he mentioned three possible names — Joanne Worley, Rue McClanahan and Edie McClurg. I said, "I don't think any of them are exactly right" and he agreed with me and said, "Let's keep looking." This was early February.
About that time, we lost a friend of mine — a fine actor (both on-camera and voiceover) named Bob Ridgely. Bob was the guy who played the hangman in Blazing Saddles, the airport flasher in High Anxiety, the bigoted businessman in Philadelphia, the game show host in Melvin and Howard and many more. In voiceover, he was an oft-heard network and promo announcer as well as the Saturday morning voices of Tarzan, Flash Gordon, Thundarr the Barbarian and many others.
And he was also one of the funniest men I ever met with maybe the filthiest sense of humor. Everyone who knew Bob loved him and much of Hollywood turned out for the most hilarious memorial service I've ever attended. It was so entertaining that on the way out, everyone was saying we could have a hit show on HBO if we could somehow figure a way to have Bob die every week. The host was Jack Riley and the speakers included Mel Brooks, Hugh Hefner, Chuck McCann, Martin Mull, Gary Owens, Thom Sharp and many more.
On the way in, I ran into quite a few people I knew including Jonathan Harris. He came up to me and asked when we were going to begin recording episodes of Channel Umptee-3 ("Soon," I told him) and then he asked, "Haven't you found a wife for me yet, dear boy?" That caused me to start thinking about that again and I happened to look over at a long line of attendees who were waiting to sign the guestbook honoring Bob. There in line, I saw Joanne Worley, Rue McClanahan and Edie McClurg.
They were not together but I could see them all in one "shot" and I thought to myself, "No…none of them are exactly what I'm looking for."
Just then, I got a tap on the shoulder from another voice actress I knew, Sharon Mack. She said, "Mark, have you met Alice Ghostley?" I hadn't so I turned and there — big as life but two-thirds the height of me — was Alice Ghostley. And the first thing I said to her was "You're hired!" That was how perfect she was for the part.
She was startled and she asked, "Hired for what?" I said, "Never mind that now. Who's your agent for voiceover work?" She told me and it was the same agent who represented Jonathan Harris and also represented Bob Ridgely. A few minutes later, I found that agent and asked her, "Do you think Bob Ridgely would be offended if a fellow actor got a job at his memorial service?" She said, "I think Bob would love it. He might demand 10% but he'd love it."
I said, "I think he'd love it too. I have a part that's perfect for Alice Ghostley but I'm going to need to convince the studio, the producers and the network. Is there a way I can get some tape on her and Jonathan Harris doing a scene?" She said, "Jonathan adores Alice. I'm sure he'd come in and read with her." The agent scurried off and found and talked with Alice. Then she found Jonathan and spoke with him. Then she found me again and told me, "It's set. They'll both be at our offices one hour after the memorial service lets out." Perfect.
After the celebration of Mr. Ridgely, I dashed home and printed out copies of the audition scene I'd written for Stickley and Pandora. The agency's office was within walking distance of my house so I hiked there with the scripts. When I arrived, Jonathan and Alice were sitting in the waiting room, bickering over something like an old married couple. I probably could have just pointed a microphone at them and recorded that conversation — don't think I didn't think of doing that — but instead I herded them into the agency's recording booth.
They did it three times. The first was so perfect, it couldn't have been any better. The second was better. The third was pretty much the same as the second. I had the agency engineer make me several copies of Take 2 on tape cassettes and I called a messenger service. An hour later, the producers, the studio execs and the network all had their copies and an hour after that, everyone who had to approve Alice Ghostley had approved Alice Ghostley and a deal had been made with her agent. (Today, I would have e-mailed everyone MP3s of the audition scene and the whole process would have happened even faster.)
That evening around 9:00, Alice Ghostley phoned me and said, "My goodness, that's the fastest I've ever gotten signed for a TV series. I've finally figured out what I've been doing wrong in my career. I should stop going to auditions and just attend more funerals!"