Job Opening: Oscar Host

They still don't seem to have one…someone to host this year's Academy Awards. According to this article

[Kevin] Hart is reportedly also concerned that if he returned to the job, he wouldn't have enough time to prepare before the Feb. 24 award ceremony. Deadline reports that the Academy, which still has not named a host, is approaching multiple stars to split the duties.

The "not enough time" concern probably only matters if the host is going to do one of those elaborate openings that Billy Crystal made (almost) standard with a pre-filmed piece that puts the host and a raft of big-name cameo stars into film clips. Or if they want to do one of those elaborate special material production numbers that Billy Crystal and Neil Patrick Harris made (almost) standard. If they just want the host to come out, do a monologue, introduce the first presenters and then disappear for the next thirty minutes, there's plenty of time.

The problem is that there's no upside for someone like Kevin Hart. It's not like the exposure is going to get him more movie offers at higher fees. And if he's controversial, one section of the audience is going to slam him for bad taste, offending certain groups, dragging politics into it and so forth…and if he isn't controversial, another section is going to slam him for playing it too safe and (probably) not being as funny as he usually is. If I were him, I would never have accepted the gig. I'd have asked myself, "Why do I need that?" and not had a very good answer to give me.

I can think of two people who are bona fide movie stars who would probably rise above any criticism just because of who they are. Those would be Tom Hanks and Steve Carell. But again, they have nothing to gain. They've probably turned it down. Actually, I'll bet you James Corden could do a great job but the trouble is that the show is on ABC and he's on CBS and ABC isn't about to promote a CBS star. And he'd also want to do one of those big opening numbers.

After I wrote the preceding paragraph, I sat here for a few minutes, trying to think of a really great suggestion and I suddenly realized something: I don't care. Most of America doesn't care, which is why the Oscars ain't drawing the ratings it used to draw. There are too many awards shows and much of the public is getting tired of seeing (to them) overpaid lucky sons o' bitches fawning over one another and thanking their agents. Ignore this post. It doesn't matter to me and if you consider it for a moment, you'll realize it doesn't matter to you, either.