So I just got a call from a woman with a thick Asian accent who was reading from a script with roughly the same natural rhythm as the lady on my G.P.S. She said she was with Microsoft Support and they had received numerous reports that my computer was infected with a virus and that its contents were being downloaded all over the world. She offered to help me run a free test if I was at my computer.
I said, "That's a lie and this is a scam and you should be ashamed of yourself." She said, "I will never call you again" and she hung up.
Earlier in the day, I got a call from another fellow who was with a contracting company or at least cold-calling on their behalf… Here's how that one went, complete with one of the greatest mispronunciations I've heard in a lifetime of hearing my name mispronounced…
HIM: Mr. Avenire, I'm with So-and-So Home Improvements. You spoke with me six months ago and said you weren't quite ready to have work done on your house and to call you back about now. Are you ready now? We have estimators in your area who will be glad to come by and give you the lowest bid you'll get on this work.
ME: You're lying to me. We did not speak six months ago.
HIM: Well, I have it right here in my notes. I spoke to the homeowner.
ME: I'm the homeowner.
HIM: Well, I think I spoke to your wife.
ME: I don't have a wife.
HIM: Well, maybe it was your girl friend.
ME: No, oddly enough, we were talking about this last night and she specifically said she'd never spoken to anyone from So-and-So Home Improvement and that if you ever called and said she had, you were lying.
HIM: Oh. Well, look. How about if you tell me what kind of work you want to have done on your home and I'll get our estimator out there to give you the best possible price?
ME: Why would I want to do business with someone who'd just lied to me like that?
HIM: Well, okay, maybe I lied a little but the estimator…he's an honest guy.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy this…a little.