As we close in on Halloween, folks are writing to ask when they can expect my annual diatribe against candy corn, the least edible substance in the world that is occasionally passed off as a food product. It will not appear here as I've decided to retire the bit. If you must read it again, here's the last time I posted it.
Why am I putting this one in Public Storage? Two reasons. One is that with the all the great injustices and wrongs in the world, it seems out of balance to devote so much time to candy corn, a "food" which, despite blatant lies to the contrary, no one actually eats. You can swear otherwise to me and people have…but I'd believe you loved to munch on hot gravel before I believed you actually liked to eat candy corn. I feel I should focus on more important matters in this world like Health Care, the situation in the Middle East, civil rights for all, and the fact that the making of cole slaw is not a capital crime. Not yet, anyway.
Other reason: I don't eat any kind of candy anymore. As I've mentioned here a few times my "sweet tooth" inexplicably went away on me about five or six years ago. One day, I ate cakes and candy and ice cream and other items high in sugar. Then, I didn't. It seems unfair to candy corn to single it out when I feel much the same way about Hershey Bars, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, cupcakes, orange sherbet, eclairs, tapioca pudding, etc. Don't crave those things, won't eat those things, wouldn't enjoy 'em if I did. So even if candy corn were to be reinvented so it actually tasted like candy, I wouldn't like it. I might if it tasted like corn but there's not much chance of that happening.
So that's the new policy here. And I should add that not long ago, I asked my doctor what could have caused my sudden disinterest in anything sweet. He said, "If I knew, I wouldn't be doing this for a living. I'd be bottling something that would induce that condition of yours in others. So don't ask questions. Just enjoy it."