Sweet Charity

These days, to be a fan of either the Democrats or the Republicans is to have to cringe every once in a while and pretend that the folks on "your side" didn't really say or do what they actually said or did. It's that way with late night hosts, though at least there you don't absolutely have to like only one. I like both Jay Leno and David Letterman but there are large chunks of their shows that I can't watch, especially when it feels like the well-paid star is phoning it in, not trying very hard. I still like Leno's opening monologue and those moments when he seems to be honestly having a good time with a guest that he likes. I still like Letterman's little desk ramblings, especially when they feel like he cares about the topic and isn't just being cranky about something because he needs material for the show. I can't stand either when it feels like they're going through the motions of interviews that don't interest them, or when the show's humor is based on the premise that if you put amateurs and stupid people on camera, they'll make fools of themselves and we can laugh at them. A lot of the comedy on both shows is not that far removed from back on Truth or Consequences when Bob Barker would get people out of the audience, dress them in old-fashioned bathing suits and spray them down with seltzer.

I have mixed feelings about Mr. Leno's current stunt, which is to have his guests and "surprise" walk-on celebrities all autograph a Harley-Davidson which is being auctioned for charity. They did this twice before — once after 9/11 and once for the big Tsunami Relief effort. The first time, they raised $360,000 and the second took in $800,100. Maybe it's starting to ring a little hollow since the current auction isn't doing as well. As of right now, with five days left in the bidding, they're only at $70,200 and there hasn't been a bid in three days. It will surely go higher but will it hit the million bucks Jay keeps saying they hope it'll bring? Maybe…but that might involve somebody at NBC hustling some big corporate bidder in order to make sure they aren't embarrassed by falling short of their stated goal.

The mixed feelings I have are…well, the "up" side is that money will be raised and that Tonight Show viewers are not being allowed to forget that it's needed. The slight cringe emerges when I think that many of the folks signing Jay's Harley could do a lot more for the Red Cross by opening their wallets and donating even 1% of what they made off their last movie or TV series.

Now, we don't know that some of them haven't. In fact, I'll bet some of them have. But the on-screen example is a little tacky: "We need to do everything we can for those poor flood victims so I'm going to go on national TV and sign my name." Is there a lesser gesture you can make and still get applause?

Leave aside that the whole campaign probably does a lot for ratings of The Tonight Show, which remain high even as all else on NBC is crumbling. Leave aside also that some stars probably have Public Relations Specialists who love this kind of thing because it costs nothing yet enhances the star's image as a great human being. Let's just focus on the implication that you're "doing something" if the cost to you, in either money or effort, is so minimal. Charity efforts cannot work off of that mindset.

I'm not questioning anyone's sincerity, especially Jay Leno's. I've been around Jay in the "comedy club" circuit for several decades and met him casually a few times, and he seems to be one of the most honest, generous people in show business. Nor am I suggesting that the stars writing their names on his chopper are just there because it's good for their image and that it's all they're doing. I'm sure they care and I'd be very surprised if some of them haven't written large checks. Checks of all sizes, but especially big ones, are what groups like the Red Cross and the Salvation Army and my pet charity, Operation USA, really need at the moment.

What they don't need is multi-millionaires setting the example, even if unintended, of doing the absolute minimum…and only when there's some personal glory attached. Some rich people are quite generous but don't want their giving publicized either because they don't want to seem to be exploiting the donation for publicity or simply because they don't want a line of others hitting them up for cash. But if there are a lot of wealthy and famous folks sending 2% or 3% of their annual incomes to relief efforts, maybe that fact ought to be publicized without naming names. It might make some less wealthy people feel better about donating 5% or 10% of their paychecks to help people in need. That's the kind of effort that deserves applause…not David Spade coming on to plug his new series and sign an autograph.