In the thirties, Variety used to have a column called "Released Jokes." It was an ongoing list of jokes that the paper's reviewers felt should be retired because they had just been repeated too many times by stage performers. Legend has it that the column was eventually removed from the paper because the editors realized that too many new comedians were getting their material from it, thinking that the name meant these were jokes that had been "released" into the public domain or something of the sort.
It was a bad title but a good idea. There are some quips that I'm just tired of hearing…so I'm going to start listing them here. These are jokes that were once clever and funny but have simply been done to death. I'll start with three…
- The most dangerous place in the world is not [name of war-torn locale]. It's anywhere between [name of publicity-seeking celebrity] and a camera. (As in: "The most dangerous place in the world is not downtown Baghdad. It's anywhere between the Reverend Al Sharpton and a camera.")
- Person A asks about something that's supposed to be a secret. Person B replies, "I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you!"
- Squirrel nut double-entendres. (As in: "It was so cold, I saw a squirrel warming his nuts" or "It was so hot, I saw a squirrel packing his nuts in ice.")
And while we're at it, I'm also tired of political comments that use the phrase, "At the end of the day," as in, "At the end of the day, the voters will decide" or "At the end of the day, Bush is still president." What about the beginning of the day? What about the middle of the day? Doesn't it matter what happens then?
More of these as they occur to me or you send them in.