Half the attendees at the Mo-Kan Comics Conspiracy today felt they had to tell me where in town to get the best barbecue food here in Kansas City. I didn't keep an accurate tally but it seemed to run about 25% Arthur Bryant's, 25% Gates, 25% Jack Stack and 25% Someplace Else. That last 25% included a couple of offers to go to someone's home and sample what they whip up in their backyards.
One of the things that intrigues me about the subject is that when I travel, I increasingly find one part of the U.S. looking like another…and tasting like it. This evening, after we dined at Arthur Bryant's, we drove past a P.F. Chang's, a Ruth's Chris Steak House, a Cheesecake Factory, a McCormick & Schmick's and several other restaurants that exist within three miles of my home in Los Angeles. A couple years ago, Carolyn and I were driving from Columbus, Ohio to Muncie, Indiana and we planned to stop off somewhere along that route and have lunch at some local establishment that was indigenous to that neck o' the woods and unique…preferably a place with a lot of history. We wanted a diner or dive that had been run by one family for decades.
We couldn't find one.
Oh, I'm sure there were a few along the route but they sure weren't easy to locate. At one point, we stopped in at a CVS Pharmacy for some supplies and Carolyn asked the employees to recommend such a place. They directed us to a Bob Evans by the freeway. (For those of you who don't know that part of the country, Bob Evans is a huge chain of restaurants, kind of like Denny's but without the sumptuous decor.) Carolyn described what we wanted and the CVS cashiers, who lived and ate in that area, shook their heads. They knew of no such place. The options were all chains: Arby's, Denny's, Subway, KFC. And when we got to Muncie, there was an Olive Garden, a Macaroni Grill, a couple more Bob Evanses, a Hometown Buffet and so forth.
Because of my weird dietary needs, I like and need a certain amount of predictability in my meals. There are restaurants where there's literally nothing on the menu I can eat and my life has been saved by a Boston Market or a Fuddrucker's. Still, there's such a thing as too much predictability…and the fear that a surplus of T.G.I. Fridays are crowding the little family-owned local establishments out of existence.
One thing that's great about barbecue is also one of the things that's frustrating about it: It doesn't travel. There is no Arthur Bryant's in Los Angeles and I'll bet if they tried opening one, it wouldn't be very good. It certainly wouldn't be the same Arthur Bryant's we went to this evening — the original location downtown, which everyone told me was the best. I guess I should give my report now…
Very, very good. I didn't care for any of their sauces — the vinegary one was too vinegary, the sweet one was too sweet — but the pork ribs were splendid nude. You can hide a lot of bad meat under an overpowering sauce and Arthur Bryant's ribs need no hiding. Sliced pork was great. Sliced beef was great. French fries were some of the best I ever had but the beans, made with what seemed to be their vinegary sauce, didn't do it for me. And of course, I didn't sample the cole slaw because all cole slaw is repulsive. Theirs looked like the remnants of Rip Taylor's act mixed with mayonnaise.
The restaurant is not fancy and not all that comfortable. We were told that John McCain had dined there a week or so before and that made sense because I felt a constant urge to change my position.
I may change mine about Arthur Bryant's tomorrow after we hit another BBQ shrine, probably Jack Stack. But for now, it's on my list of the five-or-so best places I've ever had barbecue. I'll have to mull a while before I decide precisely where it falls on that list…but it's up there. I think I may still like Porky's, a few miles from my home, a little better.
One last thought. People get fierce and argumentative when you start discussing where to get the best barbecue food. I've had some steamy e-mail lately about Obama versus McCain but that's Sunday School compared to the Gates advocates denouncing those who recommended Arthur Bryant's to me and vice-versa. You know how I feel about cole slaw? That's how a lot of people feel about any barbecue items not from their fave establishment. I've seen people also get this way about where to get the best pizza, where to get the best hot dog, where to get the best corned beef sandwich and where to get the best fried chicken.
You notice it's never the healthy foods that incite such passion? No one ever raises their voice discussing where to get the best salad. No one ever challenges anyone else to a duel over where to buy good tofu. No friendships have ended in debate about where you can get fine broccoli. I guess you can't get too worked up over food unless your cholesterol is way up there…