Monthly Archives: May 2021

Awful news. Writer (and musician and comedian) Pat McGreal died this morning. I don't know his age. I don't know the cause of death. I only know that he was an awfully nice and talented guy.

Pat was a prolific writer of Disney Comics for the Egmont Company overseas, much of it later republished in this country. His non-Disney work included three graphic novels for DC/Vertigo: Chiaroscro; The Private Lives of Leonardo DaVinci, Veils and I, Paparazzi. Among the comic books he wrote for were Captain Marvel, Tarzan, The Simpsons, Judge Dredd, The Flash, Justice League, Indiana Jones, Martian Manhunter and Fighting American.

He was an Eisner Award nominee and a past president of the Comic Art Professonal Society. And a real good person to be around.

Here's a letter I received the other day from someone who obviously is among the billions on this planet who no have real idea who I am or what I do, nor do they care…

And I'm not saying he should; merely that he's clearly fibbing to pretend he does. I get one or two of these a week lately, leading me to suspect some autograph-collector site published my address and that it said something about me working in cartoons or comic books. That led him to the erroneous assumption that a little sketch by me might at least be worth what he spent on postage to send me five index cards and a stamped return envelope.

Usually, the signature-seekers take the time to at least Google your name and drop in one line to personalize their requests…like instead of saying "I very much respect the work you do," they'll amend the prepared text to say, "I love watching The Garfield Show." The person who sent this letter couldn't even be bothered to do that.

Another guy in comics who gets way more of these than I do told me once, "I used to sign and return a card if they only sent one of them. I figured maybe it is a true fan who will treasure it. But then I saw even those turning up on eBay so now I just toss the request in the trash. If I can peel off the stamp, I keep that and use it."

I don't feel good about tossing the requests and I don't keep the stamps. I just don't know what else to do. Past experience has told me that if I do sign the cards and send 'em back, the recipient will rush to the chat boards that cover this kind of thing and report that the address is valid and I do respond…and I'll get twenty more.

I've learned that and I've also learned one other very important thing: Don't leap to the conclusion, however tempting it may be, that just because someone asks you to write your name on something, that makes you important or famous of anything of the sort. In a way, I kinda like getting letters like this because they remind me of that.

I was going to write a piece here about what Memorial Day means but I looked back on what I wrote here two years ago and decided I'd just be saying the same thing. So here's what I wrote two years ago…

Memorial Day is meant to honor those who have died in the military service of the United States. That seems to get blurred by some into a general "thank you" to anyone who has ever served, including those who didn't die but that's okay. It wouldn't be so horrible if we just had two Veterans Days a year. It wouldn't even be a bad thing if we thought about those folks and honored them year-round so we didn't need a holiday to remind us of what we owe them.

I suppose in some ways, Memorial Day is also for the surviving friends and loved ones of those who died in uniform. The friends and loved ones especially had to cope with those deaths. A woman I know lost her husband in the Iraq War and suffered greatly. She's still suffering so don't tell me we don't owe her too.

I don't have anything that eloquent to say here except that I think the best way to honor those who have died or suffered because of military service is to create fewer of them in the future. There is a mindset out there that does not seem to put that high a value on the lives of American servicemen and servicewomen when there's talk of sending them into combat.

The most powerful piece I've read about this topic is this article by retired U.S. Army Major Danny Sjursen and I urge you to experience it. If you don't have time to read the whole thing, at least read this paragraph…

Do me a favor this year: question the foundation and purpose of America's wars for the Greater Middle East. Weigh the tangible costs in blood and treasure against any benefits to the nation or the world — if there are any! Ask how this country's political system morphed in such a way that Congress no longer declares, and presidents turned emperors unilaterally wage endless wars in distant locales. Ask yourself how much of this combat and death is connected — if at all — to the 9/11 attacks; why the over-adulated U.S. military mainly fights groups that didn't even exist in 2001.

Not much I can add to that. Like many of you, I did not serve in the military but like all of you (I hope) I am awfully appreciative of those that have…and those that do.

Who's the modern-day master of sleight-of-hand with cards? I can think of a couple of contenders and Horret Wu is among them…

John Oliver is off this week. And by "off," I mean off as in "off the rails"…

• I don't believe the reports that Donald Trump is furious about mounting legal bills. I mean, it's not like there's any chance of him paying them or anything.

I don't have any stories about Gavin MacLeod. Met him once briefly…no memorable chit-chat…seemed like as nice a man as you'd expect the guy playing Murray Slaughter and Captain Stubing to be. The thing I thought was great about him was how you could divide his acting career up into three acts…

Act One was everything before The Mary Tyler Moore Show. He did dozens of parts (maybe hundreds of parts) on dozens of shows (maybe hundreds of shows)…the all-purpose Day Player. Every so often, he'd be recurring or a way-in-the-background regular like on McHale's Navy or two Hawaii Five-Os. In the later, he played an odd, sick villain character. Did you ever see him play Big Chicken on Five-O? (The original one, that is.) Weird casting. I think they couldn't get Telly Savalas so they picked another bald guy at random. But that was Gavin MacLeod then.

Act Two was The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which was where he changed it up. Before that, he wasn't on anyone's radar…a character actor who probably worked enough to make an okay living but without anyone really knowing who he was. He went in to audition for Lou Grant. He came away with Murray…a key component in one of the most beloved TV shows of all time. I think he worked on it because he, Ed Asner and Ted Knight all had such different relationships with the star. He wasn't the funniest but he was the most human.

Act Three was Love Boat, which probably paid him a lot more. He had no clout or name when he was cast on MTM but he was a big star when he signed aboard that ship. There was a time when even his most supportive agent couldn't have imagined him as toplining a series that ran for nine seasons on network and forever after in syndication. That was after being a supporting (but strong) player on an acclaimed series that ran seven seasons on network and forever after in syndication.

We'll be seeing a lot of Gavin MacLeod on TV forever. As will future generations, long after we're gone. What a nice career for a nice man.

• Within two years, every single person on the planet over the age of twelve will have a podcast and every single person over the age of twelve will have guested on every single one of these podcasts at least twice.

Back in 2006, my good friend Jim Brochu wrote a play called Zero Hour. When you went to see it, you spent an hour (actually, an hour and forty-two minutes) with Zero Mostel.

Well, actually, it was Jim playing Zero Mostel, who was more than a little deceased by that time. But Jim knew Zero and he knew a lot about Zero and, of paramount importance, he understood a lot about Zero. A cavalcade of friends and relatives of The Great Zero turned out to see the play, praise the play and remark that it was like being back with the man for too brief a time.

It debuted in July of 2006 — Jim will correct me if I'm wrong — at the Egyptian Arena Theater in Hollywood. Going to see a production by a buddy can be hazardous because, you know, what if you think it stinks? What do you say to them afterwards? I've occasionally resorted to lines like "It was an evening I'll never forget" and "Only you could have done it" — which rarely fool the friend but they can pretend it's a compliment and the friendship is usually saved.

I took Carolyn who knew of my trepidation and I think we were about five minutes into the show when I whispered to her, "We're fine." The play and Jim's performance were way more than fine. At the after-party, I had no trouble telling Jim honestly how much I loved it. I did though have the problem of getting his attention because everyone else in the audience was trying to tell him that. The show won an Ovation Award for World Premiere Play.

He later did Zero Hour other places, mostly in New York, and he changed a few things, all for the better. He no longer does it, partly because he's moved on to other projects and partly because he's lost too much weight. Gloriously though, he's put a video of Zero Hour up on YouTube to share it with the world. It's a mesmerizing play because Mostel was a mesmerizing human being with a mesmerizing life, much of it filled with anger and outrage. When you have the time to watch it start-to-finish, do so and be mesmerized…

As some of you know, my first staff job in television was as a Story Editor on the series, Welcome Back, Kotter. I can't speak for my then-partner Dennis Palumbo but my first day on that job was one of the ten most interesting days of my life and the second day — when we taped the episode this post is about — was a good candidate for the Top Three.

Years ago, I wrote about that day in this article…and in re-reading it, I'm surprised to see that I left out a number of things…like getting briefly trapped in an elevator with Olivia Newton-John and Elliott Gould, crashing into (and almost knocking over) gossip columnist Rona Barrett and three or four other memorable encounters. But the biggie was that Groucho Marx came to the set to tape a cameo appearance that never happened. He was there. Groucho Marx was there.

Recently, the show's star Gabe Kaplan — to whom I have not had occasion to speak this century — was recently on Marc Maron's popular podcast and they talked about that evening along with loads of other fascinating topics. The part about Groucho starts around 12:50 in and if you want to start listening at that point, click this link. If you want to hear the whole podcast from the top, click below…

Gabe's account of how Mr. Marx came to make the appearance on our show in this telling is a little different from the way I told it…and the way I told it is the way I recall Gabe telling it to several of us in 1976. I suspect both accounts are true.

Maron and Kaplan are a little confused about the succession of hosts on The Tonight Show. Jack Paar was not fired. He quit and Johnny Carson was signed to replace him…but Carson still had several months to go on his contract hosting the game show Who Do You Trust? on ABC. So there were several months of fill-in hosts for The Tonight Show between Jack and the start of Johnny. We listed them all here in this post. As you can see, Groucho hosted the week of 8/20/62.

Groucho came to the set to tape a cameo on 10/26/76. We were taping an episode called "Sadie Hawkins Day" which was about one of those girls-invite-the-boys parties that were all the rage for about ten minutes. Since everyone assumes Vinnie Barbarino (John Travolta) has a date, none of the girls ask him and he's left dateless. Once we got the call that Groucho was coming that evening, we had to come up with a quick joke for him to appear in the tag. That's the little minute-or-two of show that comes between the last commercial and the end credits. On the Maron show, Gabe says it was to appear under the closing credits but it was actually for the tag.

The story editors and producers all got together and we wrote a bit giving Groucho, of course, the final line. As I wrote in my article…

Around three o'clock, a call came in to confirm that Groucho would be there, that he would do the cameo walk-on, but that he wouldn't speak. Groucho, we were told, had recently decided never to speak in public again, having decided he was too old.

Earlier today, I discussed this with my pal Steve Stoliar, who was Groucho's personal secretary the last few years of the comedian's life. This meant that he had to deal with the infamous Erin Fleming who was controlling Groucho's life at the time. Steve is puzzled by something. Until almost the day Groucho died, Erin steadfastly refused to give up on the concept that he was still 100% Groucho and could sing and dance and perform…and appear on shows that she hoped to produce.

I don't know who made that 3:00 call to our producers. Steve can't think of anyone who could have made it if it wasn't Erin but Erin wasn't going to ever say Groucho couldn't talk and certainly not that he would never talk in public again. Maybe our producer didn't describe the call accurately…but no matter what was said, it was clear when Groucho arrived that even our little bit was beyond his abilities that evening.

In later books and articles about the Groucho/Erin relationship, it was alleged that she sometimes kept Groucho in a drugged state to make him more obedient…or something. That did not occur to me that evening on the Kotter set but in hindsight, maybe that was why he seemed so out-of-it. Don't ask me to explain why, if she was selling Groucho so hard for new projects, she would drug him when he was going to make what could have been a highly-watched appearance on a hit TV show.

On the Maron show, Gabe says that Groucho did not tape the cameo because Erin had suddenly demanded $10,000 for him to perform. I never heard that at the time. Maybe it's so. Stoliar says Erin — or Groucho being coached by Erin — did sometimes demand that amount when people wanted him to appear. I just think that no matter how much we'd paid him that evening, we never could have gotten a performance out of that man that we would have wanted to broadcast on network TV.

Gabe doesn't say in the interview what the joke was. I think I remember it…

The last scene of that episode took place at the high school dance. Gabe's wife Julie, played by Marcia Strassman, was there as a chaperone. We go to the last commercial break, then come back to the dance for the tag…

A lot of students are dancing or milling in the background. Julie is there. Gabe comes up and is acting a little flirty with his wife and I think there was a line about how this was his first chance to "get lucky" at a high school dance. She says something inviting like, "What do you have in mind?" Whereupon Gabe goes into his Groucho impression and says, "Well, you're a very lovely lady and I'd like to go to Miami and Tampa with ya." ("Tampa" as in "tamper"…I didn't write this.)

The crowd of students parts and there's Groucho. I remember a discussion with the director, Bob LaHendro, on how long and loud the audience reaction would be to the sudden, surprise appearance of Groucho Marx. This was us assuming the audience — which always contained a lot of younger folks — would instantly recognize the man. Based on Groucho's appearance that evening and the response when he did walk out in front of the audience, that was probably an erroneous assumption.

But as we planned it, Groucho would get this tremendous ovation even if we had to dub it in. Then he'd say in response to Gabe's joke, "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." Then Julie would say to Gabe, "I think I'd prefer the genuine article tonight" and she'd take Groucho by the arm and lead him off, leaving a stunned Mr. Kotter standing there.

That probably sounds silly here and now but I think it would have gotten a huge reaction if we'd done it. But we didn't/couldn't do it.

Groucho posed for photos with the cast, then left. As I mentioned, a key factor in him showing up at all was Erin Fleming trying to talk her way into an acting job on Kotter — which, of course, also never happened. She did a lot of things like that.

One other thing I should mention: If you listen to the entire podcast — which is pretty good, especially if you're interested in the comedy business in the sixties and seventies — you'll hear Kaplan say some unflattering things about our executive producer, Jimmie Komack. I was only there for most of one season and during a lot of it, Komack was staying far away from Gabe and the show because the two men weren't getting along.

When they were together, there was a lot of arguing and disagreement and it struck me that Gabe was always right and Jimmie was always wrong. There may have been exceptions to this but I don't recall any. Gabe had become the de facto showrunner of the series he starred in, as occasionally happens in television, and the guy knew what he was doing. I don't say that about everyone I ever worked with. For instance, I've never said that about Jimmie Komack.

Here to amaze you once again is my buddy Charlie Frye, the Simone Biles of juggling. In fact, he kinda looks like her, don'tcha think?

A number of folks have sent me links to this article about the Citizen app and/or this article and/or this article.  I was raising questions about its accuracy or usefulness.  These articles raise questions about its integrity.

I'm trying to decide how much use (if any) this app is to my life besides occasionally warning me a road is closed. If and when I dope that out, maybe I can weigh it against the negatives and decide if I want to have this thing on my phone. I'm leaning — but not very far yet — to no.

Most of us remember how Johnny Carson would often do a "desk bit" called Carnac the Magnificent — and that character's name was spelled a whole heap o' different ways…Carnac, Carnak, Karnac, Karnak and even a few other spellings. I'm pretty sure I saw a couple different ones on NBC press releases and such.

I'm going with Carnac because that's how they spell it on the output of the company Johnny set up to handle the release and merchandising of his reruns.

The second video below is one of the best Carnac spots of the many they did. But before you watch it, watch the video link above it — a short interview below of Johnny's sidekick, Ed McMahon, recalling one joke in particular. He recalls the laugh following it as lasting "…for a minute…I know a minute…it could have been two minutes, a minute-and-a-half…we just couldn't go on."

You often hear people say things like, "The standing ovation I got…it must have lasted five solid minutes." And then if you check, it turns out to be forty seconds. I know you don't check such things but occasionally, I do. Ed got darned close on this one. According to my stopwatch, the laugh on the Carnac joke in question ran a hair under 52 seconds. That's still an awful long time for a joke this short…

• I kind of sympathize with the Senate Republicans who voted against having a bipartisan committee determine who was responsible for the January 6 insurrection. For years, I've opposed investigations to determine who wrote Pink Lady and Jeff.

I'm seeing a couple of news items like this today…

Bill Cosby, the alleged serial date rapist currently serving a three-to-10-year sentence for drugging and sexually assaulting a former Temple University employee at his home in 2004, has been denied parole by the Pennsylvania Parole Board, according to a letter obtained by CNN on Friday.

Isn't the correct term here "the convicted serial date rapist"?