Monthly Archives: January 2019

51. When a character is killed in a comic book, that character is only dead if the present controller of the copyright wants him or her to be at that moment.
52. If a comic book page needs arrows to tell the reader the order in which the panels should be read, it's probably not a well-designed page.
53. Adding more word balloons and sales blurbs to the cover of a comic book rarely makes it more saleable but those additions always lessen the impact of the image.
54. A lot of us try too hard to turn whatever we work on into a facsimile of the first comic book we really loved as a child.
55. Sometimes, having one of the best artists ink the work of another of the best artists results in a comic that, while nice-looking, isn't as wonderful as what either artist would have done on their own.
56. When you write a comic book with a lot of captions, stop before you submit your script and read over all those captions to make sure they're all in the same tense.
57. The Comics Code might have been necessary in the fifties but they could have gotten rid of it in 1970 and the only thing that would have been different is that a few comics might have been a little better.
58. Word balloons usually overlap everything in the panel but sometimes, part of one is tucked behind a character's head or some object in the panel. When they are tucked behind, no part of them should overlap something or someone that is supposed to be closer to "camera."
59. "Villain" is not spelled "villian," nor is "weird" spelled "wierd."
60. The word "anniversary" refers to a number of years. If a comic has been published for 20 years, we can celebrate its anniversary. If it has been published for 100 issues, that is an impressive achievement but it is not an anniversary.
61. In any ongoing series, the writer needs to remember that some readers did not read previous issues.
62. If anyone else working for the company has the same first name as you and a last name that starts with the same letter as yours does, you will eventually receive one of his paychecks.
63. Readers like to see the character clearly from time to time in full-figure poses. This is especially true when the comic features characters who are visually interesting. Don't always show the character in shadows or head shots.
64. If you run a "pin-up" page in a comic, less than .0001% of the readers will actually pin it up.
65. When a writer needs to convey a lot of exposition that can only be done via dialogue, that writer needs to think of something visually interesting that the characters can be doing as they say all that stuff. Standing around talking is not visually interesting.
66. In any office that employs more than 7 people, there is always one employee who knows where everything is and keeps the office functional and operating. The readers of the comics that come out of that office are usually totally unaware of that person.
67. If you write comic books for more than five years, you will one day come up with a sensational idea for a story and you will then write several pages of it before you realize you did it before.
68. Sound effects should not cover the drawing of whatever is making that sound.
69. Ever since Amazing Spider-Man #50 in 1967, it is required that any super-hero comic at some point has a storyline in which the hero gets fed up with being a hero and quits and throws away his or her costume.
70. Retroactively changing something in a character's origin story is a sneaky, devious way to generate a new plot.
71. If in a comic you use the phrase, "Trapped in a world he never made," you need to explain (a) what world he is trapped in, (b) what world he did make and would prefer to be in, and most importantly, (c) how many worlds has this character made and how is it that he or she has the ability to make worlds?
72. Fans often say about some artist, "He can't draw Superman" or "He can't draw Spider-Man" or you can insert the name of any established character…but that's not true. A professional comic book artist can draw any character. He or she just may not draw them to match your favorite version of how that character looks.
73. In a store, if a potential customer looks at a comic and isn't sure if he or she already has that issue, he or she will decide not to purchase it. For that reason, the cover of this month's issue should look nothing like the cover of last month's issue. If nothing else, they should have very different color schemes, especially in the logo.
74. If (and only if) it will not crowd the drawing in the panel, small word balloons should float near the person speaking what's in them. They should not be jammed up against a panel border, away from their speaker and situated so the white in the balloon meets up with the white on the other side of the panel border.
75. If you work in comic books and you meet someone who asks you what you do, you should never hesitate to tell him you work in comic books. And I wish those who act ashamed of it would do me and themselves a favor and get the hell out of the business.

The last 25 of these will be along in a few weeks.

Dave Portnoy, who covers sports and does daily pizza reviews on YouTube, is in Atlanta for the Super Bowl. I like watching his reviews, which is not to say I agree with all his reviews of slices I've sampled or don't wince at some of the things he says about passers-by on the street or the racial makeup of some of the pizza makers.

But there is a nice sense of reality about his videos. Here he is blowing his top and cussing out a rapper who was supposed to be there as a guest pizza reviewer and didn't show up…and then the guy shows up. The pizza gets a bad review not because it was bad but because Dave let it get cold before he sampled it. Doesn't seem fair, does it? You make the call…

I had a very nice time signing books yesterday at Joe Ferrara's Atlantis Fantasyworld in Santa Cruz.  I know very little about the retail end of the comic book industry.  I'm rarely in shops as a special-type guest or even as a customer.  The last time before yesterday was, I suspect, the last time I went to Indiana on business.

Some time ago, a friend of mine who works in that area for DC or Marvel — and who would probably prefer I didn't give their name or which of those firms employs them — told me that about a third of comic shop owners really love comic books, a third understand how to run a business and both of those are true of the remaining third. He or she said it is only that third third who are successful for any length of time. I guess that's approximately true.

Joe has been selling funnybooks and other such goodies in Santa Cruz for around four and a half decades so you can figure out where he fits into that equation. I was impressed with the smart layout of the store, the fine staff Joe has there…and most of all, with the way he greeted so many of his customers yesterday by name.

It was a huge contrast to that place in Indiana where I couldn't find any of the comics I wanted to see. When I asked the employee on duty (pretty sure he was not the owner) if they stocked them, I got back a megadose of "Who cares?" He pointed to a rack of the hottest current books, expecting (I think) I'd come to my senses and grab a handful of them instead. I walked out without buying anything. If and when folks exit Joe's store empty-handed, it's not because he and his crew didn't care.

If you were one of those who came by yesterday to say howdy, thank you. I enjoyed meeting you.

Two things of note today! There's a new episode of Stu's Show today and Stu's in-studio guest is one of the best voiceover guys in the business, Neil Ross. Neil had a great career in radio and then he moved into doing both promo-type announcing and also cartoon voices.

You wanna hear how good he is at his job? Click below. This only runs 47 seconds, short but sweet…

If you're interested in that field — as a fan or as a voiceover star of tomorrow — he's the kind of guy you oughta listen to and you can listen to him today on Stu's Show. You can also watch him and that program on any Roku-enabled TV set and also some other ways. This page will tell you how to watch or listen for free.

You can even read Neil since he's guesting to promote his autobiography, Vocal Recall. That can be ordered here on Amazon but I'm going to suggest going to this page where you can order a paperback copy, a Kindle copy, a PDF copy or — most intriguing — an audio MP3 where Neil reads the book and performs many of his voices.

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Also today, if you're anywhere near Santa Cruz, California: I'll be signing stuff today at the fine seller of books and comics and books about comics and books full of comics and comic books, Atlantis Fantasyworld. The shop is located at 1020 Cedar St. — in Santa Cruz (of course) and I'll be there from Noon 'til 6 PM or maybe Noon 'til five, depending on the turnout. But I will be there. Come by, say hello, get me to write my name on something just to prove I can do it.

I mentioned the Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society in this post. That prompted Mike Frank to write to say…

Whomever told you that comic books were a problem with L.A.S.F.S. members was a jerk. Comic books have always been a big part of L.A.S.F.S.

In fact in the late 70's, I sold comic books at L.A.S.F.S. every week. My clients included the president of the club.

In the late seventies, sure. But the snottiness I encountered from a few members was more like 1969. As with any group though, you always have those who think what they like is great and what they don't know from is garbage…and it was true then that most of the active comic fans around were younger than the science-fiction fans.

I didn't take the condescension of a few of them towards comics that seriously. It was more like the upper classmen at school looking down on the lower classmen just because they were lower classmen. None of this was a big deal and it's less of one now. I just thought it was odd to be belittled for liking fantasy by someone who was paranoid about being belittled for liking fantasy.

Mr Dooves (whoever he is) is back with his a cappella rendition of the theme from The Muppet Show. Yayyyyyy!

If you encounter a cluck who thinks that real cold temperatures and blizzards prove that Global Warming is a myth, link them to this page which explains why not. It probably won't do any good because they're going to believe what they want to believe…but give it a try. Can't hurt.

And note that these people are the same people who, every time an election doesn't go their way, insist that it was rigged and there's proof that tens of thousands of illegal aliens voted. And their "proof" is usually something like, "My guy couldn't have lost fairly. Everyone I know voted for him!"

Fred Kaplan says it would be a huge mistake for the U.S. to use military force against Venezuela. Hey, since when has Donald Trump been adverse to making a huge mistake? Especially when he thinks it will distract people from paying attention to his previous huge mistake…

I think this is the last part of this series.  I noticed a couple of interesting things on my recent five-night stay in Las Vegas, one being the sign on the hotel formerly known as Treasure Island…

Treasure Island opened in 1993, back when most new hotels had to have themes.  This one's was piracy…and when you think about a place where you want to gamble, don't you dearly want to be surrounded by pirates?  Outside on the Strip, there was a free show in a man-made lake called Buccaneer Bay. It was staged several times an evening — two motorized ships would engage in battle and at the end of it, one of them would sink and its band of cutthroats (live actors) would wind up in the (hopefully, heated) lagoon.

One Christmas, my partner Sergio Aragonés and I were there for a bookstore appearance and the lagoon had been drained for maintenance work. You could see all the mechanics — tracks and gizmos — that enabled the sinkable ship to sail into battle against the other one and then sink. It was kinda fascinating and it inspired a story we did in an issue of Groo all about a scam with a ship that was designed to sink and then rise up again.

In 2003, Treasure Island got rid of that show. Buccaneer Bay became Sirens' Cove and in the new show — "The Sirens of TI" — one team of pirates consisted of sexy ladies who vanquished a competing ship filled with bare-chested stuntmen. That show also lasted ten years. It closed in 2013 and there is no replacement since the hotel is shedding its pirate theme, bit by bit. It's no longer Treasure Island. It's now T.I. and I'm guessing the sub-name "Treasure Island" and maybe its initials will go away in a few years.

"Theme" hotels are no longer "in."  Makes you wonder what the hotel Paris, if it goes that route, can do about that 33-stories-tall Eiffel Tower out front or how New York, New York could de-theme itself when it has a 150-foot-tall Statue of Liberty and a scale model of the Empire State Building.

Anyway, what I found interesting about the big T.I. sign was the big proclamation of FREE PARKING on it.  A lot of Vegas hotels have taken to charging you to come there and lose money on their slot machines.  It's one of those things that, like I mentioned here, they've learned they can get away with. Few visitors balk at paying it.  I believe the MGM-owned casinos started the practice and many a Vegas pundit predicted they'd back down when it drove hordes of players to other hotels.  This did not happen so other hotels starting doing charging for parking…and every so often, they raise prices and people still pay it.

The new owner of T.I. decided to see if it would drive players into driving to his hotel.  So far, it apparently hasn't done that.

Meanwhile, I wanted to show you this which I found in the food court at the Fashion Show Mall.  You can click on this photo to make it bigger…

It's called the Pharmabox and it's a vending machine that dispenses things you'd buy at a CVS Pharmacy or Walgreens: Beauty products, pain killers, antacids, etc.  It seemed a little odd to me that there were all these fast food stands around and right in the middle of them, they're selling Zantac and Pepcid.

And Advil.  If you look at the enlarged photo, you can see they stock a lot of Advil.  Shouldn't these machines be closer to the casinos?

I think that's all I have from my last Vegas expedition but today or maybe the day after, I'll be posting a story from a Vegas trip from some time ago.  Hope you enjoy it.

• 75% of the U.S. will have temps below freezing this coming week so we have the opportunity to identify the real stupid people among us. They're the ones who'll be saying, "Well, so much for that crap about Global Warming!"

Last night, Fox broadcast a "live" performance of the Broadway musical, Rent. Well, it was supposed to be live but one of the cast members was injured so most of what was telecast was a recorded dress rehearsal.

I wasn't watching. I'm usually a fan of this kind of event but I saw Rent on Broadway and didn't enjoy it very much. I'd planned to TiVo it anyway but my cable TV has been cutting in and out. Last Friday evening, I couldn't get Bill Maher's show on any of the various HBO channels that broadcast it and I had to watch it online. I decided I didn't care about Rent enough to deal with it being difficult to watch.

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Speaking of Bill Maher last Friday night: I see a lot of online rebuttals to him that strike me as serious overreaction to his little anti-comics rant. It's the uninformed opinion of one guy, people. It's not the second coming of Dr. Wertham.

I have been reading comic books for…well, probably a lot longer than 95% of the folks reading this. My life has been seriously intertwined with them and even when I was writing network TV shows, when someone asked me what I did for a living, I was more likely to say "I write comic books" even during some period when I was doing little if any of that. It's part of my identity and before I started writing them, reading and collecting them was part of my identity.

Since I was around twelve, I've been hearing other lovers of comics react defensively because someone somewhere said that comics were junk, comics were for idiots, there was something really wrong with you if you read them past age ten, etc. I have almost never heard someone actually say they were junk, for idiots, etc.; just a lot of comic fans getting indignant and perhaps lashing back at such reported insults.

I have probably heard more such aspersions cast on network television or whatever music "those kids today" were buying. When I hear that someone has belittled comics — I rarely hear the belittling itself — I mentally file it with all those people I did hear say that The Beatles were a passing fad and that soon, those who bought that garbage would come to their senses and switch to good music…you know, like Mantovani or Perry Como.

You know the only group I ever heard really putting down comics? Back in the late-sixties to early-seventies, it was science-fiction fans. Some of the ones I encountered at s-f conventions in and around Los Angeles were unbelievably snotty about comics…and you'd think they'd be the last ones to deride someone else for their consumption of fantasy stories. I kinda caught on that they were defensive about having their passions slandered so they were trying to draw a bold line between reading Doc Savage paperbacks and reading Superman comic books. Because one is so much more intellectual than the other.

I was invited once to a meeting of the long-running Los Angeles Science Fantasy Society. This was around 1968 and I thought it might be interesting until the person doing the inviting told me, "For God's sake, don't mention comic books while you're there. They frown on that kind of thing." Well, I didn't need to go anywhere people frown or even look askance at my tastes…so I didn't go.

I did go though to a couple of s-f conventions and at one around 1970, I heard a fellow complaining that some of the vendors were selling — and this was said with a note of horror in his voice — comic books. Comic books, he insisted, were childish and infantile and beneath the dignity of science-fiction fandom. And so help me, as he said this, this person was wearing Spock ears, brandishing a plastic Star Trek phaser gun and wearing a t-shirt that said on it, "Beam me up, Scotty!"

That may have been the last time I heard that kind of putdown of comic books from a self-identified science-fiction fan. Some of those people became good friends. The sentiments expressed by that one guy are now ancient history and I think the views expressed last Friday night by Mr. Maher are going bye-bye the same way.

Okay, okay…we get it. You're so much smarter and more discerning than us. Fine. What he isn't discerning enough to know is that comics have never been more diverse in content, nor have they ever appealed to a wider audience. And judging them all by the super-hero movies is like assuming all comedians are doing pretty much the same thing as Gallagher.

Just ignore this kind of stuff, people. I've been ignoring it since I was twelve and that's worked out just fine.

Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. Randy Rainbow. And did I mention Randy Rainbow?

The Democratic National Convention to select their next presidential nominee will take place July 13-16, 2020. Someone might have a lock on it before then but maybe not too far before then. In any case, 7/13/20 is 1 year, 5 months and 15 days from now. I do not have to start thinking about whether I want it to be Bernie or Beto or Elizabeth or Kamala or any of the 7,244 others who will toss their chapeaus into the ring or be seriously mentioned.

In fact, I can wait at least a year before I have to start seriously thinking about which person I want to see get the nod. I can wait to see who else becomes possible and what all the contenders have to say, even about issues that do not yet exist. I can wait until the competitions and primaries and debates and — most of all — the inability to raise money whittles the field down to a dozen or so.

Right now, I'm thinking I won't pay much attention to this matter until a few weeks before the California primary, which will occur on March 3, 2020. That's like thirteen months from now.

As an aside: I'm not 100% sure of this but I believe the 2020 Comic Con International will be held July 23-26 with Preview Night on 7/22. So you won't have to choose between watching the Democratic Convention and attending whatever panels I do at the con next year. The Republican National Convention will be held August 24-27 and I have a hunch they won't be nominating an incumbent unless it's President Pence.

Lewis Black was great last night in a one-night stand at the Orpheum Theater downtown…but the photo above is of John Bowman who was Black's opening act. Why a picture of the opening act? Because he was terrific. No, let me rephrase that. I've seen Mr. Bowman before because he's usually Black's opening act and he's always been good. Last night, he was way better than that. If the man had a little more TV exposure, he'd do well to bag the opening-for-Lewis job and be the headliner of his own show.

He didn't use the ukulele — that was just the best photo I found of him online — but he did use a blonde wig and a delightful/savage sense of humor. It may have been the funniest Trump-bashing I've ever seen. The wig transformed him into Trump and then when he whipped it off, suddenly he was Rudy Giuliani. If they'd announced Lewis Black had taken ill and that Bowman was just going to do another hour, I don't think much of the audience would have complained.

Black was fine, of course. He mined a lot of the same topics Bowman had just discussed including stupidity — that which exists in our elected officials and that which exists in our electorate. He talked for close to 90 minutes then did one of his webcast segments. (They're free to watch here but they're only up for a few days after the does them.) Black didn't talk about Trump as much as the audience expected because — this is not a direct quote — "You've all been talking about him all day." He was right.

I see Lewis Black perform every year or so. He always seems to have fresh material, some of which feels warm from the oven and some of which seems to be created on the spot. He's always funny, often when reminding you about things you don't think are very funny. When he comes to your town — which he will some day — go see him. Especially if he has John Bowman opening.

Going to see this guy tonight. I hope he isn't angry about anything…