Monthly Archives: June 2018

By actual count, there are 8,448,329 anecdotes about Harlan Ellison, 7,609,224 of which are actually true. This is one that fits into both categories and it involves a man named Julius Schwartz who was an important editor for DC Comics and a semi-important figure in the science-fiction community. Julie and Harlan had an extremely close relationship that some would describe as "father-son." Some would also tell you that at times, Julie — though he was nineteen years older than Harlan — was in the "son" role.

Most of the time though, Julie was the obstreperous adult and Harlan, the even-more-obstreperous child. Every Wednesday morning for a very long time, Julie (in the DC offices in New York) would phone Harlan (in his home in Southern California) and they'd talk about anything and everything. One day around 1971, the topic somehow ventured to the notion of Harlan, who had done very little writing for comic books, writing a Batman story. Julie Schwartz was the editor of Batman and Detective Comics at the time. Harlan did not want to do it with any sort of deadline but he said he would come up with something in the near future.

This was in 1971.

Now with Harlan's passing, the Internet is filled with remembrances and honors and cyber-mourning and tributes, and in lot of them you'll see some version of the phrase, "He inspired me to become a writer." Harlan did a lot of that. He inspired people in other ways, as well. He occasionally inspired someone to hate Harlan Ellison but we won't go into that here. Here, I'm celebrating him for inspiring so many people in a good way. Like I said, he was a writer who made other writers proud to be writers.

So many of us learned good, valuable things from him but a few writers I can think of learned to yell and scream about every rewrite, every note, every alteration. I can't guarantee the following but supposedly, someone once asked Ray Bradbury if it was a wise idea for a writer to fight about each bit of interference the way Harlan did. Bradbury reportedly replied — and this sure sounds like an answer he'd give — "I don't know if that's okay but if you try it, check first and make sure you have the talents of a Harlan Ellison."

(In truth, Harlan did not turn every single bit of producer or editor or network input into a battle. It's just that when he did, we who admired his work all heard about it.  And heard about it.  And heard about it.)

So there might have been a few wrong lessons to learn from the man. More serious was his occasional inability to meet deadlines. He turned his chronic tardiness in everyday life into one of his better stories, "'Repent, Harlequin!' Said the Ticktockman." It's a fascinating work because he seems to have tried to take every rule of Good Writing he could think of, violate it and still wind up with Good Writing. I know some disagree but I kind of think he made it.

But he was late with so much of what he wrote, and I suspect…well, I know there are writers who think, "If Harlan Ellison can be weeks/months/years late, so can I." To quote Ray Bradbury again, assuming he even said it, "I don't know if that's okay but if you try it, check first and make sure you have the talents of a Harlan Ellison."

One might argue that he was not late with the Batman story he promised in 1971 to write for Julie Schwartz since he never had a firm deadline. But it finally saw print in the October, 1986 issue of Detective Comics, fifteen years later…and eight years after Julie had stepped down as the editor of Detective Comics. Deadline or no deadline, that's late.

But let us step back to the ten-year anniversary of the promise to write this story. Imagine yourself back at the Comic-Con International in San Diego in 1981. It was at the El Cortez Hotel in that city and it wasn't even the Comic-Con International yet. It was the San Diego Comic Con and attendance was a whopping — brace yourself — 5000 people. Now, there's 5000 people in the hall dressed as Harley Quinn, many of them even women.

We're at the awards ceremony where they're presenting not the Eisner Awards like they do nowadays but the Inkpot Awards. They still give out Inkpot Awards but at panels and other programming, not at the big awards ceremony. One of them is to be presented to Julius Schwartz and there to watch him receive it is his friend (and former client back when Julie was an agent), Ray Bradbury.

I am seated at a table in the hall awaiting that impending moment when someone comes up to me and whispers that there's a man outside who needs to talk to me. "He says it's urgent," says the whisperer so I get up and go out to the hall and there is Harlan, who had not otherwise made an appearance at the con. He is clutching a manila envelope which he informs me contains his Batman script. He drove down to the con to surprise Julie with it and he wants me to help him sneak into the ballroom so he can make an effective entrance. At the proper moment — which may be only seconds away — he will spring up onto the stage and turn in the script in front of what seems like the entire professional comic book community.

Just then, we hear from inside the hall that the next Inkpot recipient is Julius Schwartz. There's a burst of applause and Harlan urges, "Quick! Get me in there while he's still on the stage!"

I say, "Relax! If Julie's making an acceptance speech, we have plenty of time." I tell Harlan to follow me and I will be his shield. I am 6'3" and somewhat wide. You could have hidden Lawrence Welk and his entire orchestra behind me. Harlan is 5'5" and somewhat narrow so as I make my way through the ballroom, few people notice that he is shadowing me. When I get to a pillar near the stage, I motion that he should hide behind it and he does as I continue on back to my seat.

Julie Schwartz is on the stage and so are Ray Bradbury and few other folks. Julie is thanking everyone and talking about how in his career, he was worked with so many talented writers and artists. Utterly unaware Harlan is even in the same area code let alone twelve feet away, he says something like, "Everyone helped me by getting their work in on time. Well, except for one person but I probably shouldn't mention his name."

Someone yells out, "Mention his name!" Once when Harlan told this story, he said it was me but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I sorta recalled it was him but he would have remembered if it had been him. Whoever yells it out causes Julie to say, "It was Harlan Ellison!" There is a big laugh from the audience…and I don't think any of them had spotted Harlan behind that pillar. Julie adds, "He promised me a script ten years ago and I'll probably never see it. If I do, I'll probably reject it!"

Suddenly, Harlan leaps from behind the pillar and, making his way to the stage, he proudly waves the envelope. The audience is hysterical and Julie is gasping in amazement and laughing and having some sort of editorial seizure all at the same time. I doubt anyone who was there will forget that moment.

Once on stage, Harlan whispers something to Julie who laughs, then Harlan grabs the microphone and makes a wonderful speech about the honor of writing a Batman script for the great Julius Schwartz. Jackie Estrada, who now runs the big awards event at Comic-Con International, was there at that moment with her camera. Here with her permission is a photo she took. If you click it on it, it will fill your screen…but then come back and I will describe a few things to you.

The gent at the left is Ray Bradbury. In the back is Sergio Aragonés who was onstage during the ceremony to draw cartoons of the winners. You may notice that Sergio never gets older although his mustache does. You can only see a little of the man next to him but it's almost certainly Shel Dorf, one of the founders of Comic-Con. And then you have Harlan and Julie.

There is more talk and thanks and hugging and then Ray, Harlan and Julie depart the stage and the next award is presented. I am curious as to what it was that Harlan whispered to Julie when he got up there so as soon as the festivities end, I scoot over to Julie's table and I ask.

He leans in confidentially to me and says, "He said, 'It's just the first page but I promise I'll finish it in the next week.'" Julie then opens the envelope to show me and, sure enough, it's a title page and about fourteen sheets of blank paper.

Here's a find. From January of '64 until May of '65, NBC had a show in prime time called That Was the Week That Was. It was a half-hour of topical comedy done live out of New York and it was the Americanized version of a popular British show which also involved David Frost in a producing and hosting capacity. The show was a critical favorite but not hugely popular and during the '64 presidential election, it was sabotaged.

Like most good political humor, it had a liberal bent and during that election, the Republican National Committee didn't like the jokes about its candidate, Barry Goldwater. So week after week, the R.N.C. or allied organizations would buy the half-hour to air paid political ads, keeping TW3 (the show's nickname) off the air. You can't do that today but you could then. The show literally did not air for weeks.

I remember it was a great show filled with New York (and Broadway) talent including at times along with Mr. Frost, Henry Morgan, Buck Henry, Alan Alda, Elliot Reid, some amazing guest stars and the "TW3 Girl," Nancy Ames, who sang the theme each week with sharp, topical lyrics. Tom Lehrer wrote and occasionally performed songs and puppeteer Burr Tillstrom, who'd been responsible for Kukla, Fran and Ollie, did these odd "hand ballets" which were like puppet shows with no puppets on mostly-serious topics.

If you're thinking, "Hey, I'd like to see a couple of episodes of that"…well, you can't. They don't seem to exist. In the early eighties when a pilot was made to try and bring it back on ABC, I was asked to write on it and while I ended up opting for another project, I did get to meet David Frost and heard him cursing — as he apparently did often — the geniuses who'd bulk-erased all the old tapes.

But we have here a video made from a recording of the audio track from one episode, the one from June 19. 1964. The cast includes Frost, Alda, Reid, Tillstrom, Phyllis Newman, Tom Bosley and the singer you'll hear at the opening is Nancy Ames. Lacking the visual, you won't get all the jokes but you'll get a feeling for the energy of the show and the tone…and remember it was done live. Give a listen…

• Trump says journalists "should be free from the fear of being violently attacked." Well, that's a start. I wonder who else he feels should be free from the fear of being violently attacked.

As if any of us needs more bad news these days, now comes word that ventriloquist Jerry Layne passed away yesterday, most unexpectedly. No word yet on what happened.

There's an entire community out there of folks who practice and study the Art of Ventriloquism, and Jerry was at the nexus of it. He was not only a fine performer and voice-thrower himself but he was a historian and an expert builder of what his fellow vents call "figures" and what most folks call "dummies."

In fact, there are two Layne-built figures at this very moment in my living room — exact, working replicas of Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smif — and each week, their very presence scares the hell out of my cleaning lady. Jerry built a limited number of these figures as part of a deal with his idol (and one of mine) Paul Winchell. Paul was, of course, a superstar of early television and he just might have been the best ever at bringing "dummies" to life and entertaining millions.

Details on Jerry's life are a bit sketchy but it is said he was born in 1938, grew up in Brooklyn and became fascinated with ventriloquism as a child and by age 14, had won many talent contests and established what would be a long mentor/student relationship with Winchell. Jerry entertained with his figures everywhere he could, including in college and in the service. He never stopped doing it though for a time, he made most of his living in TV production, mostly working for the Goodson-Todman game show factory.

In the mid-seventies, he turned to full-time ventriloquism and worked everywhere: Stage shows, casinos, cruise ships, theme parks, benefits, corporate events, etc. He appeared often on television and some of you may recall a particularly memorable role he had on one episode of the short-lived but well-remembered series with Leslie Nielsen, Police Squad. Jerry played a crazed ventriloquist. In reality, he was a very sane, funny man who loved what he did and did what he loved. I very much enjoyed the times I was around him.

As noted, he was a central player any time ventriloquists gathered anywhere to discuss and promote their art, and he is very much being mourned today in that community. On the applicable message boards, I see post after post from performers whose careers were helped by this man and who are proud to practice their craft with a figure designed and built by Jerry Layne. And in my living room, Jerry and Knucklehead are looking kinda sad. That is, when they aren't scaring the cleaning lady.

• Harlan Ellison may have hated the Internet but the Internet sure loves him.

Writer Harlan Ellison died in his sleep this morning at the age of 84. For what feels like forever but was probably more like ten years, we who knew him had been hearing that he was dying. It seemed impossible that he could go away but more believable when we also heard that he was not writing.

Harlan was a writer who made other writers proud to be writers. He celebrated and exalted the profession…and would have winced at the inevitable obits that are already describing him as "science-fiction writer Harlan Ellison" or, worse, "sci-fi writer Harlan Ellison." He was a writer who wrote many things, some of which belonged on the same shelves as unabashed science-fiction writers. One time I startled him when I, perhaps insensitively, told him I wished he'd write more that in no way belonged on those shelves — and his instant reaction made me think for a sec that I was in for a scolding and tirade from which I might never recover. To my relief, he sighed and said he wished that too.

I'm having real trouble writing this because I knew Harlan from 1969 on and was proud to be among his many, many friends…but in the last couple decades, I came to feel that the friendship was best served by maintaining distance. I admired the man greatly for most of what he did and most of what he stood for. I saw him perform many warm, human acts of kindness and benevolence. Most of the time when he mounted one of his many campaigns against injustice and/or insanity, I was with him all the way. But…

Well, having written and deleted and rewritten this paragraph ten times now, I'm thinking this is not the time or place to sort out my mixed feelings. That discussion would be as much about me as it would be about him and this is a time to remember him and to bond with others whose lives were changed by knowing this extraordinary man. I'm looking at that ominous "but…" I typed a half-hour ago and thinking, "Not now."

He was a great writer. He was, at times, a great human being…and if the "at times" seems like faint praise, think of all the people on this planet who never seize the opportunity to be great human beings at any time. I will miss him…but I guess I already have for about ten years. So have a lot of other folks even if some of them didn't know it 'til today.

I said here the other day that I would, like Charles Schulz, feel genuinely flattered if I ever created something that people wanted to wear. This brought way more e-mails than the comment deserved, including one from Brian Olson who wrote, "I'd gladly wear your Kirby bio around my neck on a chain ala Flavor Flav." Well, that's nice of you, Brian, but I have a new, longer Jack Kirby bio in the works which I expect will be out for Christmas of 2019. It's so big that if you wear it on a chain, you'll be walking like Groucho within a day and Quasimodo for the rest of your life.

Ed Waters and Jo Bristow were the first of several others who wrote to ask (basically), "Haven't there been t-shirts of Groo or The DNAgents?" Well, first off: I did not create Groo. I have worked on the feature since the second story but any time you see me credited as the creator of Groo the Wanderer, politely inform the appropriate person that Groo the Wanderer was created by Sergio Aragonés.

I think writers and artists look absolutely terrible when they are credited with someone else's work and they do nothing about it.  I do not buy the excuse — and yes, I have heard this from folks who have been wrongly credited with something they wish they could claim as their invention — that if you yourself didn't make the claim, you have no responsibility to correct it. To me, that's like if someone found Sergio's wallet, returned it to me and I said, "Well, since I didn't steal this, I can keep it!" And really, you have to nip misassignments of credit in their proverbial buds because everyone gets their info from what's posted online so faulty "facts" keep getting repeated.

But yes, there have been Groo t-shirts and we'll probably do more one of these days. Here's a quick story which for some odd reason amuses the heck outta me…

I was in Vegas one day and I ducked into a little convenience market to get a beverage. I took my selection up to the counter and the clerk there was wearing a Groo t-shirt. I said, "Oh! A Groo fan!"

He said, "Yes, I think it's the greatest comic book ever…and get this! I actually met the man who does the comic! I met Sergio Aragonés! He was so nice and he's so wonderful that it was one of the greatest moments of my life…to meet the man who does my favorite comic book!"

I said, "Have you ever met Mark Evanier, the fellow who works with Sergio on Groo?"

He said, "No, I haven't."

I extended my hand and said, "Well, here's your chance. I'm Mark Evanier!"

And he said, "Nice. That'll be $1.75 for the water!"

Back in the eighties, I did co-create (note the "co-" there) the comic book The DNAgents with the talented artist Will Meugniot. We thought what the industry needed was a super-hero team done by two guys whose surnames no one could pronounce. The book was successful enough for a time and I loved doing it and somewhere on my unofficial "to do someday" list is to find the right time and place to bring it back. I also need to make a real "to do someday" list.

There were, it's true, DNAgents t-shirts.  I was going to go photograph one but I have no idea where I stored mine, none of which ever fit me.  Fortunately, I have this photo which I took in 1985.  I would love to pretend I just happened to spot the lady somewhere proudly wearing the shirt to celebrate her favorite comic book…but the truth is that she was a friend named Angela Aames who put it on because I asked her to, just for this shot which we never got around to using in an ad.  This is just about the kinkiest thing I have ever asked a woman to do which did not involve a hockey mask and a mango.

Anyway, Will did the drawing and I did the logo, just in case you were wondering why the drawing is better than the logo.  This may be the high point of my career in terms of creating (co-creating, in this case) something that someone wears.  If so, well, it's better than nothing.

• The 2018 election will be The Most Important Election Ever until, of course, the 2020 election which will be The Most Important Election Ever until the 2022 election. For the rest of our lives, every major election will be The Most Important Election Ever.

Hey, you hippies and hipsters! If you're in or around Culver City this Saturday night, my favorite band is performing at Boulevard Music, which is over on Sepulveda near Culver Boulevard. That's right — it's Big Daddy, the group that fights the good fight to make every hit record recorded since 1963 sound like it was recorded in 1958. Hear the hits of today rearranged so they sound like the music your parents used to listen to when they made out. If you don't know these guys, you should!

You can hear some of their rollickin' rearrangments here, here and even here. You can get info 'n' tix to their show this Saturday here. Be there or be square!

Five Muppeteers explain how they operate their characters on Sesame Street…

My amigo of about half a century Tony Isabella and his too-good-for-him wife Barb were in town for one day, flown in for the premiere of the Ant-Man movie. They were on such a tight turnaround that the only way I could see them was to volunteer to pick them up at their hotel in Hollywood and drive them to their flight at LAX, stopping off for breakfast on the way. I wish I had a friend like me.

I chauffeured them to Pann's, an old-style coffee shop that seems to exist largely as a place to eat breakfast when you're going to or from Los Angeles International Airport. Tony, Barb and I talked about all sorts of things including the current TV show and comic book resurgence of Black Lightning, a hero born of the vast imagination of Mr. Isabella.

We also had an interesting discussion about how when we re-read comics we liked back in the seventies, we find that some of the work holds up well, some actually improves with age and some of it causes you to wonder, "What the heck did I like about this back then?" I shall expand on this topic one of these days in this space.

Before we left for the airport, I had to use the restroom. I was delighted to find that Pann's has now designated one just for me…and I know this because it has my initials on the door. I shall have to stop in and use it more often…

Dumped them off, then went to Fry's Electronics in El Segundo and couldn't find a single thing I wanted to buy. If you've ever been to a Fry's, you know that something is horribly, horribly wrong when you can't find nineteen things you want to buy. I'm just not sure if it's wrong with them or me but I suspect it has much to do with the ease of ordering from Amazon Prime.

I had no such problem at my next stop, which was at a Costco — and I think I'll stick in one of these which I haven't done lately…

What I think I love most about Costco is that moment as you and your cart head for checkout, you look at the mass quantities you've selected and you momentarily think, "This is great! I won't have to go shopping again until late next year…if then!" This is followed by the sad realization that some necessities of life are perishable so you cannot stock up with them at Costco and not have to stop in at a supermarket later in the week. Oh, why oh why can't Costco stock bread and vegetables that stay fresh forever?

Of course, I feasted on some yummy Costco dim sum, which is what I call the free samples available throughout the store. I watched as one young man sampled a little cupcake-wrapper full of "kettle" potato chips, enjoyed the hell out of them, then began going around and around one of those long aisles so he could pass the potato chip lady again, grabbing another free sample each go-round. She either wasn't paying attention, didn't care or thought that every ninth shopper who helped himself to chips was a clone of the same person.

Ahead of me in line at checkout was a lady with a cart that looked like this truly was the last time she would be shopping until late next year…if then. And she certainly had enough toilet paper to last a family of six until about 2027. She was giggling and expressing audible delight at the great prices as she transferred everything from the basket up onto the conveyor belt.

That was when the checker asked her for her Costco membership card — to which the woman replied, "Oh, I don't have one. Do I really need one?" Behind her in line, all of us thought, "Oh, we're going to be here for a while." Others farther back immediately shifted over to other lines but I was next and I decided I'd do better to tough it out. It got pretty tough.

The whole concept of membership was explained to this woman. She could not shop Costco without a Costco card, the cheapest of which runs $60. She should not even have been allowed into the store without one but somehow, she'd slipped past the person at the door at whom you proudly flash your card so you can feel momentarily special. Her reply? "I don't want to spend sixty dollars on a card. I'm spending hundreds of dollars here. You should just give me a card!"

A very patient sales person explained it doesn't work like that. He pointed to the rest of us with our carts bulging with cat food, paper towels, laundry detergent, Kirkland® Signature Organic 100% Juice Box Variety Pacs, beef jerky, snow tires and the obligatory rotisserie chickens and he said, "Everyone spends hundreds of dollars here and they all buy cards!" I held up mine as proof of what he said.

The lady was not budging from her position and it looked like the conversation would last longer than the metric ton of Ritz Crackers in my cart which I had opened and started eating, lest I starve while this brouhaha ensued. Fortunately, Costco employees are sharp and another one of them saw what was happening. She quickly opened the adjoining checkout counter so I and the rest of the line could take a detour around Ms. "Why should I have to buy a card?"

When I departed with my swag, I could still hear the woman protesting having to spring for a Costco membership in order to receive membership privileges at Costco. The unfairness of it all. I can be stubborn at times but I do usually recognize that there is something in this world called An Argument You're Not Going To Win. This is especially true when you're fighting with someone who hasn't the power to do what you think should be done. It's like demanding that your mailman do something to get your Uncle Morris on the new Forever Stamps.

Being able to spot systematically unwinnable arguments can save a lot of time and stress in your life. It's a good thing to remember, especially if you come upon someone who thinks the precise opposite of whatever it is you think about Donald Trump. As far as I know, that woman is still standing there at Checkout Counter 4 at that Costco, trying to get a guy with no power to change the rules of the corporation to see things her way. When I run out of 13.5 lb. sacks of Arm & Hammer Pure Baking Soda and have to go back there for twenty more, I will not be surprised to see her there.

Since I last appeared on Stu Shostak's show, he's gone from audio-only to a simulcast. You've long been able to listen to him on your computer and you can still do that…but you can also watch the proceedings on any Roku-enabled TV set and some other ways. This page will tell you how to watch or listen for free when the show "airs" at 4 PM Pacific Time, which is of course 7 PM back east.

But I'm on today, filling in for someone else. TV expert Wesley Hyatt, Stu and Yours Truly will be discussing the current vital topics in the world of television…like what's up with Roseanne's show? If it can be a hit without her on it, just imagine how successful Sean Hannity's show could be without Sean Hannity! And what about that Murphy Brown revival? And what's with all these mergers? Tune in and catch 2+ hours of us batting this stuff around.

• Some words get misused and mauled and stretched across so many different definitions that they becoming largely useless. "Elite" no longer has any meaning whatsoever except to denote a font on a real old typewriter.

The 2019 additions to the Hollywood Walk of Fame (the names in the sidewalk up there) have been announced. They are as follows…

For MOTION PICTURES: Alan Arkin, Kristen Bell, Daniel Craig, Robert De Niro, Guillermo del Toro, Anne Hathaway, Lupita Nyong'o, Tyler Perry, and Gena Rowlands.

For work in TELEVISION: Alvin and The Chipmunks, Candice Bergen, Guy Fieri, Terrence Howard, Stacy Keach, Sid and Marty Krofft, Lucy Liu, Mandy Moore, Dianne Wiest, and Julia Child (Posthumous).

In the category of RECORDING: Michael Bublé, Cypress Hill, The Lettermen, Faith Hill, Tommy Mottola, P!nk, Teddy Riley, Trio: Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris, and Jackie Wilson (Posthumous).

And in the field of LIVE THEATRE/LIVE PERFORMANCE: Idina Menzel, Cedric the Entertainer, Judith Light, and Paul Sorvino.

Nice to see my occasional employers Sid and Marty Krofft being honored…and until this morning, you could have won a lot of money betting with me that they didn't already have a star.

Also nice to see they're saluting the two greatest musical trios around today: The parlay of Dolly Parton, Linda Ronstadt and Emmylou Harris…and Alvin, Simon and Theodore. If you're a recording artist who has yet to be recognized by the committee, it must be wonderful to know that you don't have a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame but that three singing chipmunks will.

There are no dates yet for the star dedication ceremonies. The way they do this is that the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce coordinates with the honoree not just about their availability but also about getting some other "names" to show up for the event. The honorees have two years to schedule the installation and unveiling…and usually it's done to correspond to when they have a big movie opening or a new TV series debuting. Sometimes though, the stars are too big to be bothered with it. After George Clooney was voted in, he let the two years expire so he has to wait until they vote him in again. That is, if he cares.

Dedicating the star in conjunction with some P.R. campaign for a project helps with the cost of it. Theoretically, the honoree's fans are supposed to somehow raise the money but I doubt that happens very much. Sometimes, the honoree pays for it but most of the time they get a network or studio to kick in for it. Currently, the price is $40,000.