Monthly Archives: April 2012

I said earlier that there are aspects of the White House Correspondents' Dinner that make me uncomfy. They're pretty well summarized by Alex Pareene, who thinks it's all about shmoozing, Hollywood style. I don't go for that in Hollywood and I expect better of Washington.

By the way, people keep calling this thing the Nerd Prom and arguing that that's what you call the Comic-Con in San Diego. I'm really sick of the word "nerd" and feel it's one of those words (like "diva") that gets used so casually and thoughtlessly that it's pretty much lost any meaning it once had. How is any event attended by George Clooney and Jon Hamm a "nerd anything?"

Wikipedia, which given its contributors oughta know, defines "nerd" as "…a derogatory slang term for a person typically described as socially-impaired, obsessive, or overly intellectual." And first, let's pause to note the unfortunate state of a society in which being intellectual evokes a derogatory slang term. But these days, who isn't socially-impaired to some extent and are folks who go to Comic-Con any more so than the norm? I don't think so. I think they are the norm. And if we're all nerds then no one is a nerd…if you follow me.

But I really don't know what the word means anymore and won't unless someone can point out to me a sizable constituency to which the word does not apply. Or is it just the few, like Clooney and Hamm, who are wildly successful and sexually-attractive?

By now, you know the drill: Barack Obama does X. G.O.P. leaders (John McCain, especially) rush to the microphones to condemn him for doing X, to argue that it is shameless and immoral to do X, that the mere fact this man has done X is reason enough to kick him out of the Oval Office…

…and then with very little research necessary, reporters find plenty of examples of George W. Bush and other prominent Republicans (often, the sainted Reagan, himself) not only doing X but often doing 2X or 3X.

Latest example: Bragging about taking out Osama and suggesting that Romney wouldn't have had the guts to make that call.

Obama should announce he's picking Sarah Palin as his Vice-President this time around. She would of course doom his campaign but it might be fun to see McCain rush out and talk about how any man who'd do such a thing is unfit to serve.

So Rick Santorum made this silly statement a few weeks ago, saying that our colleges had deteriorated to the point where none of the University of California schools offered classes in U.S. History. A number of voices, but mainly that of Rachel Maddow, pointed out that this is not true; that plenty of U.S. History courses have always been available at those schools and still are. Weeks later, Santorum sent the following message to Ms. Maddow…

Rachel, on a recent show you discussed a statement I made that American history was not being taught at a number of California state universities. You questioned the accuracy of my statement. Based upon your broadcast I went back and reviewed the facts. It's clear that my memory about what was taught was faulty. What I should have said was that none of the UC campuses teach a survey course in Western Civilization. Rachel, I appreciate your efforts pointing out my misstatement, and for giving me the opportunity to set the record straight.

Rick Santorum

And of course, he's wrong again. As Maddow pointed out on her show the other night, those schools also have plenty of survey courses on Western Civilization. This, they confirmed with a few minutes of Googling.

I really don't get this. If you're Rick Santorum and you're issuing an apology like this, you have to know it's going to make it to the air and be fact-checked. Don't you turn to an intern or someone and say, "Hey, before I send this out, call up the University of California and make sure they don't offer courses in Western Civilization so I don't look like an idiot again"? And there were people who wanted this man to have the job where you get to order a nuclear attack.

North Carolina is about to vote on an amendment to their state constitution that would enshrine their ban on Gay Marriage in a firmer manner. A local writer named Tommy Tomlinson wrote a simple argument against the amendment that makes a strong case. If you know someone who thinks the drive to allow same-sex wedlock is just a commie plot by them Godless Hollywood Liberals, have them read this little essay.

Ron Rosenbaum resurrects a topic that not many care about these days but I do: Watergate. His particular question is whether it is provable that Richard M. Nixon, the 37th President of these United States, ordered the infamous break-in that failed and thus destroyed his presidency.

As a longtime wallower, I would say the evidence is almost airtight that Nixon knew that kind of thing was being done even if he didn't know the specifics of where and when. And there's pretty solid evidence that he did at least know where.

However, a lot of those who've addressed this matter seem to be operating from the view that there had to have been a specific area of information that the wiretaps were intended to collect; i.e., what did Democratic Party Chairman Larry O'Brien know about Nixon's financial dealings with Howard Hughes? Well, maybe. But I could sure accept that they wanted to spy on the opposition just to find out what, if anything, the opposition was up to.

Helms Bakery wasn't really a restaurant but it's my website.  I can write about it here if I want to.

The Helms Bakery Building still stands on Venice Boulevard with much of its signage still intact…but inside, they bake no bread or cinnamon buns.  It's a furniture mart in there now but once upon a time beginning when Paul Helms founded the business in 1931, they made bread and sugar cookies and rolls and cupcakes and all the things that great bakeries bake.  Then nice men would load them into their Helms Bakery Trucks and drive about surrounding neighborhoods, selling them to housewives and kids.

If you wanted the Helms Man to stop at your residence, you had to, first of all, put the Helms placard up in your front window…although a good Helms Man knew his territory, knew that certain homes expected him whether they had the sign up or not.  He'd pull up in front and blow his distinctive whistle and you'd scurry out to his truck and buy stuff. Inside the truck, he had drawers full of cookies and donuts and rolls and I think they even carried milk and butter, though at somewhat higher prices than the nearby Safeway Market.

When I was very young, you could often find me waiting outside our home for the Helms Man.  We had a rough idea of when he'd get to our street and I'd go play out front, keeping an eye out for the guy.  When he approached, it was very exciting and I'd run in and get my mother.  She'd buy a loaf of bread and maybe some rolls and always at least a cookie for me.  Actually, the first thing our Helms Man would do when we stepped up inside his truck to make our purchases was to hand me a free cookie, usually one of their terrific sugar cookies.

Once, I got to go inside the plant thanks to an L.A. City School District program of field trips.  We all piled into buses which drove us over to Culver City for a tour.  Upon arrival, we were marched through the place and shown how the bread was baked, how the cookies were mixed and formed on large conveyor belts…and you couldn't help but love how great it smelled in there.  The aroma was heavenly and a whole lot better than the tuna cannery or the dairy we toured on other field trips.  On the way out, each student received a small loaf of bread and a little cardboard Helms Truck.

I'm not sure why the business model was as successful for as long as it was. As mentioned, the prices on the Helms Truck were always somewhat higher than buying roughly the same things at a Safeway or Von's, and you'd have to go to one of those markets anyway to get the other things you needed. Why not get your bread and cookies at Von's while you were there and save a few bucks? Whatever the reason was to opt for the trucks, it seems to have faded out by the late sixties. Maybe there were fewer mothers staying at home all day or something. Maybe the quality of baked goods at the markets had improved. Whatever the cause, the whole operation shut down in 1969 and I still remember the day its trucks made their last, melancholy rounds.  There was a real sense of loss when our Helms Man drove off, having sold us our rolls and sugar cookies for the last time.

The big building on Venice Boulevard sat vacant for a few years and rumors abounded as to what would become of it.  In 1972, it was acquired by a real estate firm that soon began its transformation into a complex of furniture dealers…and even a little jazz club called The Jazz Bakery.  Happily, as noted, they kept a lot of the old Helms Bakery decor intact and sometimes when you drive past it, you can almost imagine you're smelling the sugar cookies, fresh out of those huge ovens.