Monthly Archives: May 2008

Carolyn and I spent part of the day down at Book Expo America, which is a trade show that's there to remind you how many book publishers there are in the world, how many books come out each year and how insignficant yours is in the grand scheme of things. Boy, that place is big.

The fun part of it is that the books there aren't for sale. Authors sit there autographing them and giving them away free. The convention management had to ban shopping carts from the floor, and some of the friends I encountered were making five and ten trips out to the parking lot with their freebees. I got almost none. All the authors whose books I might have wanted had long, long lines. If Vince Bugliosi stayed long enough to sign one for everyone in his line, he's still there…and will be if I go back tomorrow.

At one booth, Leonard Nimoy was autographing his book of photos of nude fat people. At another, William Shatner was autographing his about himself. Sometimes, the set-up's so good, you don't need a punch line.

I still dislike the L.A. Convention Center: Bad location, bad parking, bad layout, bad food. Traffic wasn't too bad today, perhaps because the Staples Center next door was hosting arena football and not the Lakers.

And they're adding the Nokia Theater next door to that. The premise, as I understand it, was that someone said, "Gee, the streets around the Convention Center aren't totally jammed. It's still possible for a car to occasionally move a foot or two. What can we do to really make it impossible?" And someone else said, "Hey, this is kind of a wacky idea but let's build a huge sports arena on the next block and book the biggest rock concerts and athletic events into it!"

Everyone thought that was brilliant so it was done. Next to the L.A. Convention Center (720,000 square feet of exhibit space), they put the Staples Center (20,000 seating capacity). And then a few years later, when they heard that some cars were still able to make it down Figueroa in that area at about an inch an hour, they hurriedly began erecting the Nokia (7100 seating capacity), plus they're adding a museum, a J.W. Marriott/Ritz Carlton Hotel, the West Coast headquarters of ESPN and a couple of extra office buildings.

This is all to make sure I can't drive down Figueroa to get to USC and teach my class.

Sneaking back on topic: It was just as mobbed today in parts of the Book Expo. Had I waited in the Bugliosi line, I'd have been unable to host an event I hosted — an interview of Sid Jacobson, who with artist Ernie Colón, created the graphic album version of the 9/11 Commission Report. If you haven't gotten a copy, go here and order one. Sid and Ernie did a great job of distilling a complicated report down to a form that can be read and comprehended. And then after you've digested that, pre-order their follow-up, which I'm told is even better.

I enjoyed running into old friends like Ray Zone and Lee Goldberg. Lee, by the way, has been a particular champion, opposing an industry that was out in force at the Book Expo. He often writes on his blog of the deceptions of the "vanity press" business. If you've been thinking you could finally become a successful published author by paying one of these companies to "publish" your book, go scan Lee's site for some of the postings he's done over the last few years. Under certain circumstances, self-publishing can be profitable…but the Vanity Press pirates tend to promise much they cannot deliver, and to deceive their clients that the relationship is almost like the traditional, professional relationship of a publisher and an author. Not so. And Lee's done a fine service in exposing deception.

I don't think I'm going back tomorrow — too many deadlines to meet — but that convention is a fascinating thing to visit. Even if it does mean going to the L.A. Convention Center.

A lot of science-fictiony inventions that were fantasized for James Bond books and movies have since become realities. Here's a partial list.

I decided not to tell the story here about the Howie Morris wedding. It's too long and too much of it is about me and not about Harvey Korman. That was the first time though that I (and several folks at our table) learned the sheer joy of making Harvey Korman laugh. To see him try to hold it back and finally explode was to understand why Tim Conway devoted so much of his life to making that happen. As I think I've mentioned here in a couple of obits, including Dick Martin's, I love people who can just laugh unreservedly and with the entire body and soul. When they're professional comedians — people who might feel it's their job to provoke laughter in others — it's especially wonderful. Harvey was the greatest audience.

So here's the story I will tell. I worked with Harvey on a couple of projects, including the Garfield cartoon show, which he did as a favor to me even though there was no conceivable reason for him to do me a favor. We had a set fee we paid guest voice actors…a generous one but it was below what Harvey Korman usually received. A few weeks later, I was in New York and so was Harvey. He appeared on Conan O'Brien's show one evening and then the next day, he took his family to a matinee of the Broadway show of Beauty and the Beast, which then starred Tom Bosley. Mr. Korman and Mr. Bosley had once been roommates, sharing a hovel not far from that theater, back in their starving actor days.

After visiting with Bosley, the Kormans went walking through Times Square and Harvey noticed and recognized me walking along. He introduced me to the family and while the wife and kids went off to buy something, we stood there — around Broadway and 43rd, I believe — just talking. Except Harvey wasn't talking just to me. He talked to everyone who walked past, heckling tourists and joking with passers-by…

…and a crowd started to form around us. Before long, there must have been sixty, seventy people clustered about, watching this tall, crazy person putting on a little show, doing in essence a stand-up comedy routine in the middle of Times Square.

I don't know if they all knew who he was. Odds are, some of them recognized him from Conan O'Brien the night before, some from The Carol Burnett Show or movies like Blazing Saddles. But I think to many, he was just this loud, funny person carrying on, doing street theater. It was kind of a mix of Don Rickles and Irwin Corey, rattling from topic to topic, pausing now and then to insult the audience. He had his arm around my shoulder and every so often, he'd point at me and tell them, "This man writes the Garfield cartoons. You all watch Garfield!"

So I'm standing there, laughing outrageously at Mr. Korman's spontaneous performance but also feeling rather odd, wondering what these onlookers were thinking this was all about. I also noticed that every few seconds, one of them would look up, like there was something important going on over our heads that we couldn't see.

All in all, it was one of those "I'd give anything to have had a tape recorder — or better still, a video camera — moments." I'm sure you can believe me on this: Harvey Korman was hilarious, making a whole comedy routine out of nothing at all, entertaining the hell out of seventy or so people who just happened to be walking down Broadway at that moment. If he'd put out a container to collect donations, he'd have made a couple of hundred bucks.

After maybe fifteen minutes, Mrs. Korman and the little Kormans returned, Harvey told everyone the show was over and we said our goodbyes. As we walked off in opposite directions, I looked back and up to see what the spectators had been staring at over our heads…and there, on the building above us and at least four stories high, was a giant billboard of Garfield the Cat touting the luxury of Embassy Suites. It was a coincidence, of course, but I'll bet the folks who gathered around to listen to Harvey didn't think that. They must have all figured that Harvey Korman had been hired to stand in the middle of Times Square, right under the giant picture of Garfield, and introduce everyone to the guy who wrote the Garfield cartoons.

Two months later, I ran into Harvey again in the "waiting for a table to open up" section of Nate 'n Al's delicatessen in Beverly Hills. I reminded him of the Times Square incident and told him about the huge billboard we'd been in front of, and of course he immediately started hectoring me for pay for all the wonderful promotional work he'd done that day for our show. Just then, Harvey's lunch date arrived…a fine comedy writer (he wrote for the Burnett show, in fact) named Gary Belkin. We told Gary the whole story and Gary looked at Harvey and said, "Hey, you always wanted to perform on Broadway."

Harvey fell over laughing — and I mean, just about fell over. It looked for a second there like he was having some sort of seizure.

Harvey's a guy who's going to be remembered. You'll remember him as Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles. You'll remember him in the dentist's chair with Tim Conway on The Carol Burnett Show or in one their touring performances. You'll remember him in movies, on TV shows, everywhere. Me, I'll remember him staggering to keep off the floor at Nate 'n Al's. He was laughing just as hard as everyone else laughed at him.

If you're coming here to see what I have to say about Harvey Korman, it may be a while. I'm swamped with deadlines and obligations (Book Expo America is in town this weekend). I'll get to Mr. Korman but it may be a few days.

On Monday, Gary Owens will be a guest on GSN Live on the network formerly known as Game Show Network.

I have many Harvey Korman stories but not the time to write them up right now. Check back here later for the anecdote about Howie Morris's wedding and whatever others I decide to include. He was one of the funniest people I ever encountered…and easily the best audience.

A couple of odd e-mails make me think I oughta say this…

I don't really care if George W. Bush did Cocaine in his youth. I'm against recreational drugs and any sort of intoxicants as a personal choice — meaning for me — but others can do what they like with them, up to the point where their actions under the influence affect others. I think, for instance, that if you get drunk, get into your car and cause an accident that kills someone, you should be treated pretty much the same as if you got a gun and deliberately shot that person.

My comment about Bush and Cocaine was not about the fact that he used it but that he (allegedly) said a dumb thing about it. That was even dumber than Clinton's line about how he tried Marijuana but didn't inhale…and we all gave the guy a lot of grief about that.

Also, yes, I live in "Hollywood" and I work in the entertainment industry. This does not mean I use drugs. If you've ever had a beer and a cigarette, you are a raging alcoholic and druggie compared to me. The strongest non-prescription substance I've ever put into my system is high fructose corn syrup…and I've even given that up.

The day of the court decision in California that legalized same-sex wedlock, I said I expected (as did everyone) that there would be a ballot initiative in November from folks who wished to undo that decision. This is apparently so. I also said that the vote would be close and that Gay Marriage might squeak by. That seemed like a safe prediction.

But I'm starting to be more confident that G.M. will prevail, and I think that could become a lot more likely on June 15. That's the date the California Supreme Court has to decide if it will allow same-sex marriages to commence on June 17. They could decide that such nuptials are to be deferred until the voters have their say. But they could also opt to allow the ceremonies to commence. If they do, I think that's the shooting match.

If the court doesn't grant the stay, hundreds (thousands?) of same-gender couples will rush to the altar. My goodness, even Sulu from Star Trek plans to marry his life-partner A.S.A.P. By the date of the election, these folks will all have wed, at least in the eyes of The Law, and qualified for health insurance together and set up many of the institutions of "normal" life that have been previously denied them.

So the November vote would not be a vote to prohibit Gay Marriage. That's what almost all votes of this kind in the past have been, all across the country. This vote would be to outlaw it and annul all those marriages. Are the voters of California going to vote to undo all that? To say, "No, no…we unmarry you!" is quite different from never letting gays marry in the first place.

The momentum on this issue is all in the direction of accepting same-sex wedlock. There have been two recent polls on the subject which show contrasting results as their bottom line. The Los Angeles Times/KTLA poll had Gay Marriage losing 54% to 35% with 10% undecided. The more recent Field Poll had it prevailing 51% to 42% with 7% undecided. That sounds like something of a wash but there are two things to remember. One is that even the polls that show G.M. losing show opposition to it declining, especially among new, younger voters. A lot of folks who abhor the whole notion have to be thinking that they can't stop it…only delay it.

And the other point is that if all this knot-tying begins on June 17, it's a brand-new ball game. Some of those who've been trying to delay it will shrug, decide the inevitable has occurred and that it's just plain mean to annul all those unions. If the Times/KTLA poll accurately reflects voters in California…well, 54% isn't that high a number. (It is said — I assume there are exceptions to this — that support for initiatives usually declines as you get closer to election day; that you have to start with at least 60% support to have a chance of passing.) If Gay Marriages actually start on 6/17 and there's no giant earthquake on 6/18, I'll bet opposition to same-sex weddings will drop and further deflate those who oppose it.

On top of all that, I don't think complaints about "activist judges making laws" are going to have their usual potency in this argument. First off, I think folks are starting to get wise that when most people complain about "activist judges," what they usually mean is "any court decisions I don't like." Moreover, the California State Legislature has twice passed laws that legalize Gay Marriage. Those are elected officials doing this. Our governor (he's elected, too) twice vetoed those laws, saying that he felt it was up to the judicial branch to decide. The judicial branch has decided and Schwarzenegger says he accepts their decision. Judges in this state are also elected…so the whole matter is the handiwork of people we elected to represent us — to make and interpret our laws. Whether they were right or not can be debated and will be debated…but this is not the fiat of appointees who knew they were not answerable to anyone.

Lastly, as I said, I think the mood is shifting in this country. Maybe the polls don't reflect the change as occurring swiftly enough but I sure sense that opponents of Gay Marriage everywhere know it's coming. Even William Bennett, who earned an awful lot of the money he lost in Vegas by demonizing Gay Marriage has been declaring that battle as lost. Those who are jubilant may have Mr. Bush to thank. Compared to issues like The Economy and The War in Iraq, letting Mutt marry Jeff is seeming like less and less of a threat.

One of my most Conservative friends has admitted to me that he has a moral dilemma: He's still against same-sex nuptials but if he votes for the candidates who are with him on that issue, he's voting for the folks who want to prolong a war he thinks is a mistake and continue financial policies he thinks are hurting everyone except the Extremely Wealthy. He also agrees that nothing will stop Gay Marriage from becoming accepted…and thinks the politicians who oppose it know that and are just using it, with increasingly less effectiveness, as a Red Meat issue to get donations and votes.

I don't think it's a certainty that Gay Marriage will become the law of the land in California this year but at least it won't lose by much…and if it only loses by a point or two, that will further prove its inevitability. If on June 15, the California Supreme Court rules that bride can go ahead and marry bride, and groom can run off and be hitched to groom…well, that flips the whole battle in terms of offense versus defense. And it just may end it, at least in the nation's largest, most trend-setting state.