Monthly Archives: July 2002

I continue to enjoy the hoary reruns of I've Got A Secret on the Game Show Network and I keep noticing little things I never noticed while watching them as a child.  One is how amazingly sharp and clever panelist Bill Cullen was.  Cullen was a great game show host but he was even better as a player.  And I also didn't realize back then that you almost never saw him walking more than a step or two.  He had a bad limp due to childhood Polio and apparently asked the producers to avoid making it obvious.  So they staged the show so you either never saw the panel walk in or across stage or cut around Mr. Cullen walking.

It also meant that the other male panelist, Henry Morgan, handled any activity that required moving about much, and it explains why Morgan, not Cullen, usually guest-hosted when Garry Moore was away.  Too many of the Secret activities required the host to work on his feet.

I did notice, when I watched these shows in the sixties, that the questioning would often start with Betsy Palmer, who was often in the second chair.  I did not understand (but do now) that this was because Cullen was just too smart.  For certain secrets — especially those involving aviation or the military — he was likely to knock it off too rapidly.  Starting with Betsy meant that Bill would play last.

One of these days, panel shows like Secret and What's My Line? will make a big comeback.  The impediment (and I'm sure it's surmountable if anyone tries) may be that there aren't a lot of obvious contenders for panelists.  Back then, there were people like Cullen who'd logged thousands of hours of live TV experience and knew well how to play a game for real but still make it funny.  The recent, unsuccessful resurrection of To Tell the Truth featured a lot of panelists who never quite connected with each other, let alone the audience.  But with half the population of this country now more or less in show business, I can't believe they can't find a new Bill Cullen.

They've been advertising the hell out of the new Dana Carvey movie, Master of Disguise.  I love Carvey but the commercials sure make me not want to go see his film…especially when they tell us, "If you loved Shrek and Snow Dogs, you'll love Master of Disguise."  Uh, do these three movies have anything at all in common?  I mean, it's not like the creative talents behind Shrek and Snow Dogs have anything to do with Master of Disguise.

They're just naming two popular movies and hoping you'll connect them to Carvey's new film without wondering why.  It's an odd way to sell a product, especially since — if they want to link themselves to Hollywood heat — they could mention that Adam Sandler is one of the Executive Producers of Master of Disguise.  But they don't.

I have absolutely no idea how good a movie this is.  But I sure get the feeling that whoever's putting their ads together doesn't think much of it.

All set for the convention?  Yeah…me, neither.  Every year, a few days before the annual Comic-Con International in San Diego, I survey the list of Things I Absolutely Must Do Before The Con and wish we could get a postponement.  All I'm asking is that they delay the thing about ten days.  Is that too much to ask?

But I'll get everything done and, once I'm there and things shift from pre-convention frenzy to convention-in-progress frenzy, all will be fine.  For those of you who need a preview of my con-in-progress frenzy, here's another link to the list of the twelve (12!) events I'm hosting.  Perhaps we'll see you at one of them.  Perhaps we'll even see me at one of them.

And while I have your attention: Here's the weather forecast for San Diego.  As I write this, the call is for highs of 72, lows of 66 throughout the convention.

Just added to Friday's MAD Magazine panel at the Comic-Con International: Current "Spy Vs. Spy" artist Peter Kuper.  Oughta be even more fun.

We have a load of convention tips over here but here's one more: The parking spaces at the convention center in San Diego tend to fill up rapidly.  They have, however, a most-efficient shuttle bus network making the rounds of nearby hotels.  You may be able to park at or near one of those hotels, hop on a shuttle bus and get to the convention that way.  Just a thought.

And two more: If you want to get cash from the ATM at the convention center, you'd better get in line now.  In other words, bring money.  Don't count on being able to snag some there.  Also, if you're in need of food or toiletries, there's a huge Ralph's Market about three blocks from the convention center.

I will be where I'll be, as per my convention schedule.  If you're a devout follower of this website and want to say howdy, I'd be delighted to say howdy back.

I don't really care what happens to Senator Robert Torricelli but sitting here, watching news coverage of the ethics investigation of the man, I keep hearing a phrase that always struck me as odd.  The phrase is…

"…the appearance of impropriety."

Now, obviously, if one is in a position of trust, one should do whatever one can to avoid the appearance of impropriety.  But once someone has decided you might have done something improper and started investigating, shouldn't the question of "appearance" be considered moot?  Either you did something improper or you didn't.  If you did, then that's the crime.  I mean, if someone is found guilty of killing someone, we don't also accuse them of creating "the appearance of murder."  If you didn't do something improper, then permitting the appearance may have been foolish on your part…but it's also possible that the error was in the eye of the beholder.

The Senate's Ethics Committee has just, as I write this, admonished Torricelli for a number of actions, including "the appearance of impropriety."  This seems to me like a one-sided, don't-argue-with-us admonition: "We think you looked like you were doing something wrong and, even though you weren't, you're to blame for the fact that we thought that."

Like I said, I don't care much about Torricelli and, even leaving this charge aside, there are plenty of others against him, some involving more than appearance.  But when I hear someone being chastized for "the appearance of impropriety," I always suspect that the accuser may be blaming the accused for a false accusation, and doing so in a manner that does not permit them to defend themselves.

We've been averaging 1100 "hits" per day here at POVonline.  Ergo, we are less than a week from notching 200,000 on the little counter at the bottom of this page.

Web counters are close to meaningless.  When you access a site, an "I.P." address is transmitted.  This is a code that is supposed to be a unique identifier, thereby enabling the host computer to differentiate between ten accesses by one user and ten accesses by ten users.  There are hundreds of reasons why this means of tallying does not really work but I'll cite two…

First:  Counters are configured to track by a certain "no repeat" pattern.  They don't want you to count as 100 hits if you sit there and reload the same page 100 times in a row.  Therefore, they only record repeat I.P. addresses if a certain interval of time has passed between them.  The trouble is that one counter might count a new "hit" if you access the page again after five minutes, whereas another counter might insist on an hour.  Ergo, two counters on two different sites could be playing by completely different rules.

Second:  More people access the web via America On-Line than any other Internet Service Provider.  For its own quaint reasons, AOL assigns I.P. numbers from a limited pool.  Thus, a thousand people who are simultaneously accessing the Internet via AOL could have the same I.P. number at the same time and, if they all access the same site, they could be counted as one person.

The unreliability of counters is so obvious that one company offers a service they call Fake Counter, which puts a counter on your web page that generates a completely random number.  Here's a Fake Counter and, as you'll see if you reload this page repeatedly, it gives you a meaningless, non-sequential statistic every time…

Nevertheless, just as people overlook the margin of error or vagueness of questioning in polls when it serves their purpose, we pretend web counters actually count.  So I thank all of you for publicizing this site and for giving me the completely illogical feeling of pride I will feel when we top 200,000…and then, in less than two months, when we top a quarter of a million.

I miss Adams Sour Orange Gum.  I haven't chewed a piece of gum since they stopped making it.  The company was purchased by Pfizer, the people who make Viagra…which reportedly has much the same effect.

Updates on events at the Comic-Con International: You can expect a real battle at the Beat the Geeks competition on Saturday.  Representing the show will be their Comic Geek plus two deputy Geeks…but most of the Geeks from the Comedy Central series will also be present.  Also, we've added Mike Royer to the Jack Kirby Tribute Panel on Sunday.  Mike was Jack's main inker throughout the seventies.  For more info, click below…

Theater Buffs: You might want to stop by www.achorusline.org, a site set up by and for former cast members of what was once Broadway's longest-running musical.  Very interesting.

Actor-Writer Gene Moss was remembered last evening with a lovely memorial service out at the Sportsmens Lodge in Studio City.  Family, friends and even a few devoted Shrimpenstein fans turned out in force to recall and tell stories about a very funny, creative man.  Gary Owens told of the halcyon days of Roger Ramjet recording (Gary had the title role; Moss and his then-partner Jim Thurman wrote 'em all) when Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin were recording next door, and one of them would pop by to play some one-line role, sans credit.  Thurman told of the days they wrote and performed together, noting that he was omitting incidents for which the Statute of Limitations had not expired.  Even our own Scott Shaw! got up and spoke as a representative of all of us who were inspired by/warped by (pick one) the hip humor that Moss and Thurman brought to television in the sixties.  It all made for a lovely remembrance of a man who, everyone agreed, would have loved one more chance to be around all those people.

Next week's TV Guide features a list of the "50 Greatest Cartoon Characters of All Time."  Their top five are, in this order: Bugs Bunny, Homer Simpson, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Beavis & Butt-Head and the Grinch.  Although I am quoted as an authority in the article, I never place much stock in this kind of list.  It is, after all, just the opinion of some small group of folks, whose levels of expertise and taste — and perhaps even, their identities — are unknown to us.  You and I could get three friends together and cobble up a list that would be just as valid or invalid.  The only difference would be that ours wouldn't be in TV Guide.

Their list is odd.  It includes Gerald McBoing-Boing, Wonder Woman, Angelica Pickles and the bill from Schoolhouse Rock…but omits Droopy, Huckleberry Hound, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Yosemite Sam, Goofy, Super Chicken, Crusader Rabbit, Elmer Fudd, The Tasmanian Devil, The Pink Panther, Foghorn Leghorn and many others.  There are no Jetsons or Smurfs, and there are a lot of odd rankings (Josie and the Pussycats are #24, Porky Pig is #47) and strange groupings (Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are one listing, whereas Homer Simpson is one, Bart and Lisa Simpson comprise another).

But it's just a list, just someone's opinion…and I wonder why anyone takes something like this seriously, as I'm sure folks will across the Internet in the coming week.  Watch the fighting begin.

Gordon Kent liked what I posted about him but suggested I explain to folks why he didn't get paid for coloring the first Groo story.  It's because it appeared in a benefit comic for which no one got paid.  Back in 1982, our friend Steve Gerber was locked in a battle with Marvel Comics over his creation, Howard the Duck.  Marvel's admitted strategy was to make the battle so expensive that Steve would just give up.  That he didn't…that he was able to continue it until a satisfactory settlement was reached…had a lot to do with Destroyer Duck #1.  A whole batch of us — including Jack Kirby, Alfredo Alcala, Neal Adams, Shary Flenniken, Marty Pasko, Joe Staton, Scott Shaw!, Dan Spiegle and a couple of other folks, including Steve — donated our time and talents to put out this comic, all proceeds going towards Gerber's legal bills.  Sergio contributed the first-completed Groo tale.  I was very proud to be involved in this project and glad to have Gordon and all the others participating.

R.C. Harvey has posted a great bio of cartooning great Roy Crane.  Crane was one of the best "storytellers" to ever work in the medium and anyone attempting to draw comics (books or strips) would do well to seek out and devour his work.  Here's the link to Bob's fine article.

A few days ago, in this item, I mentioned a man who claims to have psychic powers when he fondles a person's buttocks.  I pinned the looniness on Florida, which was not quite correct.  The ass-reader is based in Germany.  The link was to a story about him disseminated by a Florida news outlet.  You can all readily understand, however, how I could have made such a mistake.

Well, he didn't disappoint.  We all expected James Traficant's address to Congress to be rambling and incoherent and full of wild-eyed conspiracy theories…and he even managed to get to an anal joke in his first five minutes.  Aside from donning women's clothing or biting off part of somebody's ear, there wasn't much he could have done to make it more embarrassing.  Maybe if he'd dropped his pants and fired a rocket.

The thing I find especially funny is that Traficant received one vote and it wasn't his own.  He abstained, or perhaps he wasn't allowed to vote.  No, he got one vote and if you didn't hear who cast it, think for a second.  Who would it be?  If you were trying to think of the perfect way to cap this thing off and create fodder for Mr. Leno's monologue, who would have be the one member of Congress to vote against Traficant's expulsion from the House?

Yeah, it was him…a little present to say, "Thank you for making me no longer the biggest sleaze in Congress."  (If you still haven't figured out who it was, click here to consult an article about the vote.)

I'd like to think we haven't heard the last of James A. Traficant.  He's probably going to prison but when he gets out, he'll be back…maybe as a radio talk show host…maybe as the commercial spokesperson for Preparation H.  He'll turn up somewhere.  Heck, if the rules allow it, he could even run again and probably win.  By that time, with all the indictments and convictions were likely to see in the financial scandals, he'll look positively honest by comparison.  Beam me up!

Debate on Mr. Traficant is scheduled to start at 6 PM Eastern time and to be covered in full on C-Span.  I can't wait.  I hope they don't spoil it with one of those annoying laugh tracks.