World of Spam

I get a lot of spam calls — wholly-unsolicited calls from folks wanting to sell me something I (a) don't need, (b) don't want and (c) if I did want or need it, I certainly wouldn't buy it from a total stranger cold-calling me from some list of numbers they acquired somewhere. An awful lot of them are phoning from "businesses" (I use the term loosely) that are trying to sound like they're affiliated either with Medicare or with some big-name pharmacy like CVS or Walgreen's.

Most of them are clearly from callers who are working on commission: If they don't find some sucker who'll say yes, they don't get paid. Some of the faux Medicare affiliates get positively hysterical when I tell them they're not with Medicare. Others are wise enough to instantly realize that there's no possible sale to me so they hang up quickly and dial the next, hopefully-more-gullible number on their list.

The newest racket seems to be Home Warranties. They have a prepared speech about potential disasters that could befall my home and outrageous (but perhaps accurate) estimates of what it could take to fix those disasters…so it would be prudent of me to buy a "policy" from these total strangers and then, if/when one of those disasters occurs, I can call them and they'll tell me what they can do for me.

I've received this kind of call so often, you have to think it works sometimes. If it didn't, these people would be calling trying to send me "free" back braces covered by Medicare. Or "final expense" packages that will cover all costs when I die. With someone working the latter scam, I recently had the following colloquy…

HIM: When the time comes, you don't want to burden your loved ones with the costs of embalming or burial.

ME: I have no loved ones.

HIM: Don't say that, sir. You might someday get some and if you're ever that fortunate, you don't want to burden them with the costs of embalming or burial.

I had to admit the guy had a point.