My longtime friend Shelly Goldstein — oft-mentioned on this blog — released this letter today…
Aug 1, 2024
To: AMPAS
From: Shelly Goldstein
Re: 2025 Academy Awards Host: GET BRUCE!
Dear Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences,
This week it's been announced that both Jimmy Kimmel and John Mulaney turned down your offer to host the 97th Academy Awards on Sunday, March 2, 2025.
Each is a superb comic performer and an excellent choice. I know the topic of "who should host" is an eternal controversy, comparable to such long-standing debates as "Thin Crust vs. Deep Dish," "Over Hiatus, Which Real Housewife Had the Most Work Done" and "Should Ikea Take Out a Restraining Order Against JD Vance?"
I can solve your problem in 2 words: Get Bruce. As in comedy legend, Broadway & TV star, beloved Hollywood Square, and all-purpose mensch, Bruce Vilanch.
His very name is synonymous with "Funny" and "Academy Awards." From 2000 to 2014 he was the head writer of the Oscars, having spent the previous 10 years on its writing staff. (Thanks & applause to all the writers he's worked with on the show.) We're talking the years people remember with joy: the Oscars hosted by Billy Crystal, Whoopi Goldberg, Steve Martin, Ellen DeGeneres, Hugh Jackman — with all due respect to each artists' supreme comic chops, having the best comedy mind in the business feeding them the funny made their appearances soar.
Imagine how brilliant the opening monologue will be, if it's Bruce center stage.
And while he's brilliantly written for the Academy Awards, he's also written the Tonys, Grammys and Emmys. Not to mention his legendary work with the Divine Miss Midler — as well as being on speed dial to virtually every single person in show business who needs to sound funnier and smarter. It would take up less space to publish a list of the celebs Bruce hasn't written for.
"BUT!" I hear you cry, "A writer isn't necessarily a performer." Tell that to, I dunno, Steve Martin, Tina Fey, Larry David, Amy Poehler, Stephen Colbert, Albert Brooks, John Cleese, Emma Thompson, Rob Reiner, Nia Vardalos, Key & Peele, Rachel Bloom, Kristen Wiig, Phoebe Waller-Bridge…I could go on but you get the point.
"BUT!" I hear you say…Not enough people know who he is. Bull pucky! Bruce has proven himself on TV, on Film, on Broadway. A documentary has been made about his life and unmatched career. Jon Stewart often uses his name and photo to button many a joke. It always gets a huge laugh. He appeared as himself on the Simpson's for God's sake! Bruce's performances can be 3-dimensional in a 2-dimensional medium.
"BUT!" I hear you say…Don't we need to diversify the host? Yes. Clearly that wasn't an issue for you when you offered the gig to Mssrs. Kimmel and Mulaney. (Each is brilliant. All respect to both of them.) So yeah, Bruce is a man. If you don't believe me, check out his Grindr profile. I'm a woman and a comedy writer and I know too well that women are severely overlooked in all aspects of comedy.
Still, there are many varieties of discrimination that need visibility. Bruce is a proud, respected and beloved gay man who throughout his spectacular career has never hidden who he is from the world. We're talking decades before Ellen came out (Who also did a great job as Oscars host. Guess who wrote for her?) Having Bruce host would be overwhelmingly pleasing to millions in your core audience — gay, straight, all points in-between and Lindsay Graham.
Bruce and Shelly
As for "diversity" — despite all the talk there is one group that is invariably ignored by the Academy, not to mention most of show business, onscreen and behind the scenes — anyone over 50. The industry shoves us so deeply into the ageism closet, we have a better chance finding work as a garment bag.
I've noticed for far too-many years the only time we're guaranteed to see "those of a certain age" on the Academy Awards is during the In Memoriam reel. The only job where Bruce's age should remove him from consideration is Matt Gaetz's prom date.
But when all is said and done, there's one definitive argument: Bruce would be fantabulous. To those that say the Oscars need a current host who embodies Hollywood, as did Johnny Carson and Bob Hope…
Bruce personifies Hollywood history. Hell, he helped create much of it. He's brilliant enough, and funny enough to respect the assignment while knowing exactly how far to go (and when needed, a scooch, farther.) It will be a way for him to apologize to Hollywood for the whole Rob Lowe/Snow White thing. (You don't remember? You're the lucky one.)
No one would ever dare slap him. He'd be the one slapping the show out of any unnecessary ennui.
Let's be honest. Within a year, I'm sure A.I. will somehow find a way to have the Academy Awards hosted simultaneously by Robin Williams, Marilyn Monroe and Jar Jar Binks — so before our A.I. overlords fully take the reins, let's give the gig to an actual human being. Who, speaking from personal experience, is one of the best. In a bitter election year, this is one choice we all can agree on.
Get Bruce! It'll be historic and hilarious. Thank you from someone who's watched the show faithfully every year since I was 5.
