As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series long ago, I have a mess of food allergies and food intolerances. In fact, the list of things I do not eat grows longer as I get older. Around 2008, my "sweet tooth" miraculously disappeared and I began to not like — and sometimes feel strange after I did eat — anything with a lot of sugar in it like cakes, candy, pies, pastries, ice cream and even some fruits. Lately, I am increasingly unhappy in both ways with foods that have what chefs call "a little heat" — hot sauce, red pepper flakes, cayenne, etc. If its name includes the word "Cajun," my stomach doesn't want to have anything to do with it.
You probably can eat most or all of these things. I can't. These days, we're somewhat more aware that some bodies don't handle gluten well and others can go into anaphylactic shock from peanuts. Most restaurants know that not everyone can eat everything, and also that some of those who can't eat everything have lawyers who can sue anyone.
So yes, it's better than it once was. But an astounding number of people I encounter still say things like: "What do you mean you can't eat asparagus? I eat asparagus all the time! Asparagus never hurt anyone." There was a time, like around when I was six, I might have said that to someone who said they couldn't eat peanuts.
Or "Oh, you can eat asparagus the way I prepare it! I put cheese on it. You'll never know it's asparagus!" (To these folks, I usually say, "First, let me make you some rat poison. You'll really like the way I prepare it! I put cheese on it. You'll never know it's rat poison!")
I learned I just plain couldn't eat certain things when I was around twelve. Not long after, I learned a very valuable lesson in a very frightening way. It took place in a very fancy and famous restaurant.
Fancy restaurants serve fancy food. Fancy food usually means many ingredients and the more ingredients they put into it, the less likely you are to get an accurate (or even any) answer to the question, "What's in this?" I could fill this blog for days with stories about how impossible it is to get that answered in some places. The wait staff doesn't know…or doesn't seem to be that concerned about accuracy.
The chef is too busy…or occasionally even resents the question. Once, dragged to a Thai restaurant by a date who insisted we go there that night, I asked the waitress, "Which dishes do not have coconut milk in them?" She didn't know so I made her go and ask the cook. The answer turned out to be, "Whichever ones he chooses to not use it in this evening." Well, that was helpful.
This is getting too long so I'm going to save the story of the fancy, famous restaurant for the next installment of this column…but I'll give you a hint. How many of you recognize this man?
It wasn't exactly like that but when I saw that movie years later in a theater, it reminded me of what happened that evening in that famous, fancy restaurant. Fortunately, it did not happen to me but I was an observer…a horrified, scared-to-death observer. I'll tell that story next time.