Dispatches From the Fortress – Day 365

Your mileage can and will probably vary but I have to say: This year of mostly-isolation hasn't been as bad for me as I thought it would be. I don't mean it was good; just that I was expecting worse. And I am well aware of how bad it was for those whose incomes plunged or ceased, those whose jobs went away to perhaps never return, those who worked but worked in jobs with a certain amount of risk, etc.

There are many downsides to being a freelancer who works mostly at home but at least it prepares you to be at home a lot. It also helps to not be one of those people who loves to travel or who gets claustrophobia from being in the same place for a long time. I don't think I'd do badly if I went to prison and was placed in Solitary Confinement. Which will probably happen one of these days. Just you wait.

My most frustrating moments of the past year have probably been of listening to friends who needed help that I couldn't give them or, worse, that no one could give them. I think it has helped me to not try to predict when it would end and what portions of our lives would return once it does. But I know it adds to the pain of someone who asks, "When do you think this will all be over?" to tell them, "I have no idea."

I still have no idea. I can see light at the end of the tunnel but I don't think any of us have a way of gauging how long that tunnel might be.

Today is not only 365 days since I started my little self-quarantine lifestyle, it's also two weeks since I got the second dose of Moderna, meaning I ought to be as immune as I'm going to get. I have not been particularly frightened of getting the virus since I've been real careful where I go…and properly-masked. I've also been very particular about who I associate with. That will not change but obviously, the list of people can expand as more and more of them get vaccinated.

I spoke last night to a friend of mine who is very, very nervous about contracting COVID-19. Yes, she knows cases are declining…and she's young enough that if she does get it, it probably won't be more than a few days of agony. It isn't the few days of agony that scares her. It's the fear that she might infect someone else, especially her parents. She lives with them and could never forgive herself if she was the reason they caught it.

I don't believe in worrying as much as she does but I do believe in being as cautious as she is.