Monthly Archives: January 2021

I am now answering the following questions…

• What do you think is going to happen on Inauguration Day?
• What do you think Donald Trump is going to do before or after Inauguration Day?
• And when do you think America will be somewhat back-to-normal after COVID?

…with the same reply: "I don't know and neither does anyone else." And I mean that. I don't think even Donald Trump has a solid idea about what Donald Trump is going to do. Advance planning — or even doing what he said he was going to do — have never been his strong points. (He has about 72 hours to unveil that wonderful, terrific, cheaper Obamacare replacement he said he'd put in place right after he was elected.)

There are times in our lives when I don't know what's going to happen but I think it's good to have a plan if "A" happens, a plan for if "B" happens, a plan or if it's "C," etc. And if I were in charge of security at any government facility this week, I think I'd have them for every letter of the English and Greek alphabets. But as a spectator from afar, it's sometimes more comfy not to make plans when you don't have a clue what problems you'll have to solve with them.

Meanwhile, Marty Golia wrote to ask me…

I was wondering if you were aware of and/or had any thoughts on the reaction on various FB groups when people shared Neal Kirby's statement on what Jack would've thought about the insurrectionists dressing as Captain America. Some — even in groups about Kirby — felt it shouldn't be shared in a "politics-free zone." Others felt they had to stand up to (paraphrasing) "people telling others what Jack would have though when they don't really know." At least one group splintered. Others took down posts as soon as they went up.

Well, first of all, I think it's fine for anyone who sets up a discussion forum to declare that certain topics are off-limits…and if you don't like that rule, there are only about eleventy-trillion other places on the Internet where you can post what you like. Secondly, most (not all but most) of the "politics-free zones" I've seen on the 'net are really "No posting of things I disagree with or which might invite rebuttals that I don't like" zones.

Jack was pretty consistently anti-bully, anti-Nazi and anti-deifying charismatic leaders in his work and in interviews and conversations. His wife Roz said he voted the straight Democratic ticket all his life. Whenever he didn't like the Dem nominee, he liked the G.O.P. one less.

Might he have changed his worldview if he'd lived to today? I dunno. If he were alive today at the spry old age of 210, Abe Lincoln might have decided that "freeing the slaves" jazz was a huge mistake…but I don't think speculation of that sort leads to any sort of answers about anything.  It's just a way of trying to dismiss powerful lessons and statements of the past. ("Yes, I know what God said about coveting thy neighbor's house or wife or anything but I'm sure He'd grant me an exception if he saw Harry's girl friend and his new Lamborghini.")

On the other hand, I think if anyone has the insight and right to say what Jack Kirby would have felt about matters today, it's a child of Jack Kirby.

If you don't want to listen to him, fine. But don't pretend that your speculation is just as good as his. I'm pretty sure your parents would be horrified if they caught you doing that and I know (or knew) them much, much better than you do or did.

The Temecula Dance Company does a jazzy interpretation of "A Musical" from the show Something Rotten. They're lip-syncing to a highly-edited track from the cast album but they're doing wonderful things with the choreography…

Bill Turner sent me this…

I know in previous years you have posted about Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol. I watched it again this year, for probably the 50th time, and am wondering whether you can tell who sang which singing parts, particularly on the Plunderer's March ("We're despicable"). My family still remembers my high school buddies and me belting that out back around 1968.

Sure. Let's go through all the voices…

As we all know, Jim Backus played Quincy Magoo and Jack Cassidy played Bob Cratchit and they sang for those characters. Les Tremayne played The Ghost of Christmas Present and he didn't sing but Jane Kean, who played Belle did. That's the same Jane Kean who took over as Trixie, wife of Ed Norton, when Jackie Gleason brought The Honeymooners back to television in the sixties.

Laura Olsher played The Laundress, the kid with the turkey, Peter Cratchit, Mrs. Cratchit and she supplied the speaking voice of the daughter in the Cratchit family. Marie Matthews played Scrooge as a young boy. She sang as him and also she did the singing for the Cratchit daughter. John Hart, who was The Lone Ranger for one season on TV, played Mr. Billings and the Stage Manager. He didn't sing in the show.

Royal Dano played Marley's Ghost who had no songs but Dano did do the singing for the Junk Shop Owner. Paul Frees did the speaking voice of the Junk Shop Owner and also voiced The Director, Fezziwig, The Undertaker and the hapless gent who asked Scrooge for a donation.

Joan Gardner played Tiny Tim, The Charwoman and The Ghost of Christmas Past. She is often confused with voice actress Joanie Gerber who was not in this show. Neither was June Foray, who used to be credited all over the place as being in it, including in some TV Guide listings and on the box for the Beta and VHS releases of Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol.

Morey Amsterdam — Buddy Sorrell from The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Human Joke Machine — played two tiny parts as the gents on the street discussing the death of Ebenezer Scrooge. Why only two tiny roles? Because he was hired for a larger part which was recorded and cut out of the finished show.

So the speaking voices of the four Plunderers (as you call them) were Olsher, Gardner and then Frees spoke for both men. Since even the great Paul Frees couldn't sing two parts at the same time and they wanted to record the four characters together, he only sang for the Undertaker. Mr. Dano sang for the Junk Shop Guy.

I verified these credits in Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol: The Making of the First Animated Christmas Special by Darrell Van Citters. This is the only book that focuses on the special and since it's so well-researched and exhaustive, it's the only one you'll ever need. Here's a link to buy the paperback edition. There was a beautiful hardcover edition but it's beastly hard to find and I ain't parting with mine. Hope this helps.

• When Trump is signing that huge stack of pardons early next week, I hope he has time for mine. I have a list of TV shows and comic books I've written that certainly deserve some clemency…

The Daily Show salutes The Heroes of the Insurrection. It is worth remembering that while many of these folks claimed there was "a mountain of evidence" that Trump won the election, most of them never saw any of it and the ones who saw this "evidence" never released any of it to the public, nor did they present anything convincing to any court, not even ones run by Trump appointees…

Neal Kirby, son of Jack, issued a terrific statement the other day. Here it is…

Statement to Insurrectionists

My father, Jack Kirby, along with his partner Joe Simon, created Captain America in 1941. Perhaps the most iconic symbol of patriotism since the "Spirit of 1776," Captain America has stood as a symbol and protector of our democracy and the rule of law for the past 79 years. He was created by two Jewish guys from New York who hated Nazis and hated bullies. Captain America stood up for the underdog, and, as the story was written, even before he gained his strength and prowess from Army scientists, always stood for what was righteous, and never backed down.

At 72, I have a fairly vivid personal memory of every political and cultural upheaval since Castro's revolution in the mid-1950s. Add to that my father's stories, and I could probably paint a picture of the battlefields of northern France surrounding the city of Metz in WWII as well. However, the events that transpired at our nations' Capitol on Jan. 6, an insurrection inspired and fomented by our own president, will be the event that haunts me forever.

While watching one of the horrific videos of the storming of the Capitol, I thought I noticed someone in a Trump/Capt. America t-shirt! I was appalled and mortified. I believe I even caught a quick glance of someone with a Captain America shield. A quick Google search turned up Trump as Captain America on T-shirts, posters, even a flag! These images are disgusting and disgraceful. Captain America is the absolute antithesis of Donald Trump. Where Captain America is selfless, Trump is self-serving. Where Captain America fights for our country and democracy, Trump fights for personal power and autocracy. Where Captain America stands with the common man, Trump stands with the powerful and privileged. Where Captain America is courageous, Trump is a coward. Captain America and Trump couldn't be more different.

My father, Jack Kirby, and Joe Simon, the creators of Captain America and WWII veterans, would be absolutely sickened by these images. These images are an insult to both their memories. If Donald Trump had the qualities and character of Captain America, the White House would be a shining symbol of truth and integrity, not a festering cesspool of lies and hypocrisy. Several of our presidents held the same values as Captain America. Donald Trump is not one of them.

I try not to put my words into Jack's mouth because…well, they could never be as brilliant as things Jack actually said. But Neal knew the man better than anyone alive and he's his son and if anyone's entitled to speak for his father, it's Neal. And I will say that I think Jack would be applauding every word of the above.

In the meantime, comedian Patton Oswalt tweeted something yesterday and I have a dozen requests to "fact-check" it. He wrote…

When the 1st issue of Captain America hit the stands, with a drawing of Cap punching Hitler, Nazis showed up in the lobby of Marvel's building. They called Jack Kirby's office and told him to meet them downstairs. Kirby ran down to meet them but they'd already fled.

Here's all I can offer in the way of a fact-check: I wasn't there (of course) but Jack told that story many times and I believe it. I don't think Jack ever said it was over the first issue and if he did, I wouldn't trust his memory on a teensy detail like that. But if you'd heard him talk about the incident, you would have absolutely believed it happened some time during the ten issues that Simon and Kirby produced of Captain America.

Haven't done one of these in a while…but my memory was just jogged by the news that Pea Soup Andersen's restaurant in Buellton, California is on the market. $4.7 million and it's yours. And if that price seems steep, just remember that it comes with all the pea soup you can eat.

The news item I just linked to tells you a little about the history of the place. Here's some of it…

Pea Soup Andersen's was founded by Anton and Juliette Andersen, and was bought in 1999 by Milt Guggia, who opened a second location in Santa Nella further north off the 5 freeway in 2007. The Buellton restaurant's Danish style and European-leaning menu fit in well with nearby Danish-themed town Solvang, which has for decades been a popular destination for weekend getaways from L.A.; the property's signature cartoon chefs Hap-Pea and Pea-Wee were even drawn by Disney-trained Angeleno Milt Neil after World War II.

Here's my history with it: Two or three times in the sixties, my parents and I took a vacation to a little city called Pacific Grove that's up to the north in California, kind of halfway between Carmel and Monterey. All of what follows is my memory of the place from the last time I was there, which I think was around 1967. One assumes it's changed.

There was a little motel we loved about two blocks from a beach in Pacific Grove that, at least when we were there, was unspoiled and usually devoid of many beachgoers. The best rooms at the motel — and we always got one of these — were in the back where you had a view of a cemetery. Every morning, deer of all ages (but some very young) would come down to graze on the grass at that cemetery. Pacific Grove was famous for its swarms of butterflies so you'd awaken to scenes of deer and butterflies out your window. That was about as pretty a picture as I've ever laid eyes upon if you don't count the first time I saw Mary Tyler Moore in person.

So we visited the beach and we drove around Pacific Grove and we ate at several small, mom-and-pop seafood restaurants there. I remember the first time we dined at one, I looked at the menu and couldn't find anything I wanted to eat.  That was until a helpful waitress informed me that in these parts, shrimp were known as "prawns." I devoured a lot of "prawns" on these trips.

We'd stay there a week and there'd be side trips into Carmel and Monterey. In Monterey, I found a great used book store that sold comic books for a nickel each, six for a quarter, and I scored about a hundred old DC issues I needed. Many of my happy childhood memories involve such finds…and my father's willingness to drive me to such stores and wait while I rummaged.  One day of each Pacific Grove trip, we'd drive into San Francisco and browse downtown and go to Fisherman's Wharf where I'd eat more "prawns."

On the way to and from this vacation spot, we'd take the 101 freeway and we'd always time our travel so we'd hit Buellton at the proper hour to dine at Pea Soup Andersen's. Buellton, which as far as I know is renowned for nothing more than this one eatery and a few wineries, is 138 miles northwest of Los Angeles and about 40 miles northwest of Santa Barbara.

It's also four miles from Solvang, a charming little town that (I hope) still looks like a quaint Danish community. We'd detour there either on the way north to Pacific Grove or the way back. I remember us getting some great pastries there and I bought a handmade kazoo which I still have…somewhere.

But the big stop was Buellton for Andersen's split pea soup, which was very delicious in that little cafe, not so delicious when my mother bought the canned version at our local supermarket. It was also delicious when my mother approximated it at home via a recipe she got somewhere — where, I dunno — that purported to be the actual Andersen's recipe. If it wasn't, it was darn close.

When there's no ranging Pandemic in the land, I seem to find myself in Santa Barbara about once a year. In the seventies, I went up there several times to visit with some or all of the following people who then lived if not in that lovely city, fairly nearby…

There was Carl Barks, the creator of some of the best comics ever done in the "funny animal" genre — or in his case, "funny ducks." There was my friend Russell Myers, who wrote and drew the newspaper strip Broom-Hilda and who is still (!) writing and drawing the newspaper strip Broom-Hilda, though not from California. And there was my wonderful friend and collaborator, Dan Spiegle, who I think was one of the ten best comic book artists who ever lived and one of the three nicest.  Don't ask me to name the others on those lists.

In the years since, I've gone up there to speak at U.C. Santa Barbara or to see friends. Whenever I've been there since '67, I toy with the idea of driving the 40 miles up to Buellton for lunch at Pea Soup Andersen's and I think, "Forty miles each way…that's not so bad." I don't know why I have such fond memories of that place. I know I connect it with good memories of being with my parents but I have plenty of other places that are much closer where the memories are as fond or fonder. A few of them, I can even walk to from my home.

But I think about a quick (okay, not-so-quick) jaunt to Buellton and then I remember that it isn't just eighty miles round-trip but that I usually have to drive the 105 miles back to Los Angeles that night.  And there's also my fear that the place might now be a dump and/or the pea soup might not be as wonderful as it was fifty-three years ago. I probably wouldn't be comparing it to my memories of the soup there and then but to my mother's exquisite simulation of it.

Plus, I can go there but I can no longer go there with my parents…and then I think of all the great restaurants I like in Santa Barbara which aren't forty minutes away…

…and I don't go.  Like I said, I haven't been there since around 1967.

Still, I had a little jolt at the news that it's up for sale and that the realtor is suggesting the hundred-year-old building is "prime for redevelopment.​"  That's Realtor Speak for "Buy it, tear it down and build an Applebee's!"

Hearing about places I used to go that are torn down or turned into other places usually doesn't bother me.  I don't know why this one does.  If a new owner keeps it up and operating, I may just finally make a trip up there — once the Pandemic's over, of course.  Remind me to ask Amber if she likes pea soup.

Jordan Klepper was at the Insurrection on January 6th and he filed this report…

While I am uncomfy at times with reports that Amazon does not treat its employees well or play nice with competitors, I cannot deny that they do a helluva job of getting me stuff I need quickly and that I almost never see a place where I can get it — whatever it is — cheaper. If I have a sudden need for, say, a Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gradunza, I can go to my computer, find that Amazon carries just the make and model of Gradunza I need, order it and then, twenty minutes later, a Three-Handled Family Gradunza is being delivered to my front door, perfectly Moss-Covered.

That's an exaggeration — it's also my second Dr. Seuss reference of the day here — but it feels like that's how it works. Throughout December, almost everything I ordered that was promised for next-day delivery was there promptly the next day and everything that had a longer delivery period showed up at least one day earlier than promised. A component for my new computer system (I'm assembling a new computer system) was here four days earlier than announced and at a price way below anyone else's.

I suspect, living in a major city, I get faster service than someone who lives in a small one…but even leaving speed aside, I'm impressed by the vast selection. And I've been curious as to how they get so much different stuff to different people, never mind how swiftly they do it. This video explains a lot about that. It's a bit confusing to follow and the last minute or so is a commercial for the folks who made it — but it['s worth watching. It might enlighten you, especially if you're about to order your own Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gradunza or even a case of Pringles…

In case you're interested — and I wouldn't be all that interested if I were you — I have no real feeling about what should happen in terms of impeaching Trump, censuring Trump, kicking him out early via the 25th amendment, whatever. Just so long as he's outta there, which he will be. Today's round of arguments seems to be that it will infuriate much of the country if he's punished for the January 6 rioting.

That's probably true. And it's equally true that it will infuriate much of the country if he isn't. I don't see how either option leads to peace, healing, calm or everyone linking hands and singing like the Whos down in Whoville on Christmas morning. This may just be one of those things we have to get through to find out where we'll wind up.

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I again want to thank everyone who's made one of those nice PayPal donations to this site lately. My e-mail is still screwed-up in some ways but I do get notices of who's sent me loot. Once I get things squared away, correspondence-wise, I will be sending out a special "thank you" to each of you.

I'm a little leery of folks who come up with predictions — so far, almost all of them wrong — about when the virus will be under enough control that our world can become more like it used to be. I think it's better to not keep naming dates and then watching in disappointment as they pass or become less likely.

That said, I'm going to cautiously link to this piece in which Dr. Anthony Fauci — the closest thing we seem to have to a public figure who knows what's going on — says that "some time in the fall of 2021, performing arts centers may be able to reopen, providing certain precautions are taken."

There are a lot of IFs in this piece like "…if vaccine distribution succeeded, theaters with good ventilation and proper air filters might not need to place many restrictions for performances by the fall — except asking their audience members to wear masks, which he suggested could continue to be a norm for some time." It would be nice to think that will happen. I hope, I hope, I hope.

My old pal Johnny Achziger wrote to ask me…

I've been watching old I've Got A Secret episodes and saw a couple with French magician Michel de la Vega. In case you don't remember it, he had Garry Moore, tied (by Henry Morgan), stuffed in a large bag which was also tied (with a key chain in one of the knots), then placed in a large trunk which was locked, and tied all around with rope. He then pulled a curtain around the trunk but his head was visible at top. He jumped down out of sight and instantly Garry popped up. They then removed the curtain, untied and opened the trunk, pulled the bag out, untied and opened it, and there was Michel, tied up the way Garry had been.

Now, I'm not asking you how he did that (unless you wish to be so forthcoming), but I'd really like to know two things: Do you actually know how he did this? Is this a common trick that others have done or still do? I'm sure there must be trap doors or sliding panels or whatever involved, but this is pretty amazing however he did it. Anyway, hope to hear from you. If not, no sweat.

Yes, a lot of magicians do this trick in many variations. It's called, for reasons I've never understood but I'll bet my friend Max Maven does, "Metamorphosis." That word is defined as "a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means." As you've seen, no one actually changes into someone or something else. They just trade places, which is not the same thing.

Hold on. I just decided I'm going to call Max and ask him why it's called that. Max is not only the best mentalist working today but there ain't no one who knows as much about magic history as he does. I'll be back in the next paragraph with the answer…

Okay, I'm back. I called Max and he decided to do a little research and a half-hour later, he sent me this…

The box escape goes back centuries (e.g., a Japanese book from 1785 explains an escape from trunk tied with rope).

In 1865, John Nevil Maskelyne debuted an escape from a wooden box, with a presentation related to the Davenport Brothers' spiritualism cabinet demonstrations.

Circa 1893, Houdini bought a used trunk, modeled on the Maskelyne prop, and presented it as a switch illusion — first with partner Jack Hayman, then his younger brother Theodore, and finally with his wife, Beatrice.

Houdini was responsible for the "Metamophosis" title, which is grandiose and technically incorrect. (That said, when performed quickly, the change of people can seem like a transformation rather than an exchange, so an argument could be made that the moment is perceived as a metamorphosis.)

Among magicians, the trick is most commonly referred to by the more prosaic title of the "Substitution Trunk," frequently shortened to "Sub Trunk."

Thanks, Max.

Back to you, Johnny: Yes, I know how it'd done and of course, I'm not going to tell you. Magician's Code and all that. But I will tell you that this is one of those tricks that, when it's done well, is more impressive when you know how it's done and the physical moves and dexterity and practice that are required. Magicians are always putting new spins on it, personalizing it and making it at least appear more impossible.

The best version I've ever seen of it was done by the (then) husband/wife duo, The Pendragons — Jonathan and Charlotte. Here they are doing it at a magic awards show in 1986…

I saw them do this at the Magic Castle about a half-dozen times and it always looked to me like someone had done an edit in the tape to make the switch so instantaneous…except that I wasn't watching it there on tape. I was watching it live and it was so fast, it looked like a camera trick. (And did you notice that in the process, Charlotte changed from one skimpy outfit into another skimpy outfit? No, you didn't notice that. Go back and watch it again.)

Alas, those Pendragons don't do it anymore but I think Jonathan performs it with his new spouse. Talk about a substitution trunk.

And while we're on the topic: Here's a variation on the trick performed by one of my heroes of magic, Mark Wilson. This is from an HBO special done some time in the eighties…

Pretty impressive. And it would be, even if you knew how it was done.

• Sometimes, it's great to turn on the TV and see a rerun you enjoyed before. I just turned to CSPAN and it's the "Democrats impeach Donald Trump" episode. Almost as timeless as Lucy and Ethel working in the candy factory…

There is much debate on the web today about whether Donald Trump should be removed from office via impeachment or an invoking of the 25th amendment. I don't have much of an opinion on this. I just want him gone and it now looks like that'll happen without either of those things. I mean, it's possible he may handcuff himself to a doorknob in the West Wing and sing multiple choruses of "But I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" but I'd be surprised if he knows the song.

I am curious about the process of those two alternatives to just running out the clock and praying he doesn't order saturation bombing of CNN Headquarters. Word is that if he's impeached, he wants Rudy Giuliani to head up his defense team. Why would you even consider a guy who's steadfastly failed you and made you look like more of a failure than you already are? And if it all does go to an impeachment trial, might Giuliani not be a witness?  A key witness?

Hey, let's all take a peek at the last sentence of Article II, Section 2, Clause 1 of the U.S. Constitution. It may become very relevant very soon, especially the part I've highlighted…

The President…shall have Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offences against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.

Lastly: Many of you have written to tell me that there might be a very simple reason that I've suddenly stopped getting Spam e-mails from Donald J. Trump and his loyal entourage.  A number of companies, including one called Campaign Monitor which sends out Spam e-mails for people, have severed their ties with him. Yeah, that would sure explain it.

I'm a big fan of the musical Something Rotten and especially of a number called "A Musical" that takes place about half an hour into Act One. It's easily one of the ten best things I've ever seen on a Broadway or Broadway-type stage. If you've never seen it, here's a video. What you need to know is that the show is set in the days of Shakespeare. The character of Nick Bottom has hired a soothsayer to peer into the future and tell him what will be successful in the theater in the future…

And now we have a video of highlights (alas, not the whole thing) of the number as performed for a production of the show in Chicago at the Marriott Theatre. This was in August-October of 2019 and it's a whole different cast with a different staging. Restaging was necessary because this is a theatre "in the round," meaning that the audience is seated all around a round stage. I wasn't in Chicago to see it of course but based on this video, it looks like they did some pretty clever reinvention…