Monthly Archives: July 2020

One of the fine actor-people I had on yesterday's webcast was my pal Michael Bell, who has been a performer — on-camera and off — for more years than you'd think to look at him. He's also a very powerful activist for animals. Those of you who've followed the tales of feral cats in my backyard have seen me apply lots of sound advice I got from Michael.

As you may know, I'm on the warpath against Voice Teachers and Coaches who, I think, charge unsuspecting people a lot of money for lessons that are of little use. There are some very fine voice teachers out there but there are also some terrible ones and I keep coming across stories that go something like this…

Little Jimmy (or Susie) loved cartoons and thought maybe he/she could have a career doing voices for them. It sounded like the coolest, neatest, funnest job in the world…and already, they had it wrong. No one really does cartoon voices for a living. Not exclusively. Many of these dreamers may not be aware that the job they crave is Voiceover Actor — a person who does commercials, audio books, dubbing, looping, narration, walla, dozens of other jobs where one is heard but not seen…and, in some cases, cartoon voices.

The most famous voice actor of all time, Mel Blanc, once told me he didn't think he ever had a year when cartoons — the kind Little Jimmy (or Susie) wants to do — accounted for more than about 35% of his income. These days, there may be folks who exceed that but if you get a voiceover agent, that agent is going to try to sell you in all those areas and you're not going to say no.

So somehow, Little Jimmy (or Susie) connects with a Voice Coach. It might be because of a panel at a convention or some website that offers a free seminar or evaluation. No matter how promising or unpromising Little Jimmy (or Susie) is then, the Voice Coach says they're wonderful, that they have so much potential if they'll just get the right lessons and training which, of course, the Voice Coach offers.

And the next thing you know, someone — often, the parents of Little Jimmy (or Susie) — is shelling out thousands of dollars for lessons that, to put it bluntly, aren't worth the price tag. Because the Voice Coach, while they all boast oodles of credits for their own voice work — really only makes a living getting the Little Jimmies (of Susies) of the world to pay for costly lessons.

Again: There are great coaches out there…folks who really can help you on your way to a career if you have the talent. They can't get you a career if you don't and therein lies one of the important differences between the Good Vocal Coaches and the Bad Vocal Coaches. The Good Vocal Coaches will tell you that you don't have the talent and if so, they won't take your money. Or at least they won't take a lot of it. After an introductory course or two, they'll be honest with you.

Which brings us back to Michael Bell. I don't think he's teaching now but when he did, he was great. And he made this video and put it up on YouTube to share with the world because that's the kind of guy he is. It's almost an hour and a half and as I watched it, I thought, "There are Voice Coaches who'd charge a thousand dollars for advice that isn't half as good as this." A lot of what he imparts would also be valuable for an actor of any kind…one who wasn't only interested in voice work.

It's smart, sage teaching from someone who has more experience in the field than you will ever have and it's absolutely free. All it'll cost you is one hour, twenty-five minutes and six seconds of your undivided attention…

I know you're all coming here to see how my health is so here's the answer: I think I'm well again but I thought that yesterday and was wrong. I magically got well enough to host the Cartoon Voices Panel and then had about a three-hour relapse. I'd like to think the Food Poisoning just came back for a brief encore and now the show's over. Whew.

For a time there, I was about as sick as sick can be. No, I didn't think I had The Virus but I had some moments of empathy with those who do. I kept thinking, "This will be over in a day or two. Imagine if I knew that wouldn't be the case." Many's the time you're in misery over something but you have luxury of knowing it will end. As I get older, I'm more inclined to get philosophical over those temporary miseries…to think, "There's no point in whining about it or acting like you're the victim of some gross unfairness. You're going to feel like shit for X days, there's not much you can do to end it before it ends itself…just wait it out."

That's me giving myself very good advice but I'm not always able to listen to me about stuff like that. I often feel that way about the Trump Administration.

• I saw a headline that said "Trump wears a mask for a visit to a military hospital" and I swear: I had a sudden image of him standing there, dressed as the Lone Ranger.

Featuring Debi Derryberry, Michael Bell, Neil Ross, Neil Kaplan and Nickie Bryar…

I think I'm well enough to host the Cartoon Voices Panel today. We go live at 4 PM (our time out here on the West Coast) and if I can get a nap in between now and then, things should be fine. I would like to thank the makers of Pepto-Bismol for bringing us the most wonderful scientific breakthrough in the history of mankind. At least, it felt like that last night.

My Trump-disliking friends were pretty angry that the Supreme Court did not order him to immediately produce all the requested financial documents so that whatever criminality they might expose could be exposed before Election Day. They were not as mad, however, as Trump seemed to be over even his own appointees denying his claim that the President of the United States is absolutely immune to prosecution.

The legal consensus, I get from reading about a dozen articles on it, is that sooner or later, the New York prosecutors will get their hands on those papers and even if Grand Jury secrecy rules prevent them from being made public, Trump could be indicted. In terms of denying him a second term, revealing it all now might have been pretty potent…but the reality that Trump could face criminal charges early next year is yet another reason that some folks won't vote for the guy.

This morning, my news aggregator thingie on my iPhone showed me this story with the headline: 'I think I made a mistake': Patient who thought pandemic was a 'hoax' dies after going to 'COVID party.' I don't know how true this is but it seems to me we're going to see news stories like that all year and beyond. All the claims that this thing was just a sham or no more dangerous than the common cold are dying off at…well, about the same rate as people who go to COVID parties.

Trump and those around him seem pretty determined that schools have to reopen. What, I wonder, makes them think that parents are going to send their kids to those reopened schools? Or that enough teachers will report to work?

Okay, nap time. Hope to see a lot of you at 4.

Assuming I make it to 4 PM tomorrow afternoon, I will be moderating the fourth of my Cartoon Voice Panels with Michael Bell, Debi Derryberry, Neil Kaplan, Nickie Bryar and Neil Ross. All five of these are outstanding talents with much to say about their profession.

You should be able to watch it on this blog. If your browser will not allow that to happen, it will be watchable over on YouTube at this link. If you watch it over there, you can submit questions or comments during the live webcast and we may or may not pay attention to them. Once the show is concluded, you will be able to watch a replay of it in both of the same places.

I have a bunch of other webcasts coming up. On Tuesday, July 14, I will be engaging in A Conversation with Jeff Altman, talking with one of the funniest men it has ever been my pleasure to know. This one will start a little earlier — at 5 PM Pacific Time, aka 8 PM Eastern.

On Thursday, July 16, there will be a four-way panel with The Groo Crew….the folks who for decades have been bringing you the clumsy exploits of Groo the Wanderer. Those would be Sergio Aragonés, Stan Sakai, Tom Luth and Your Obedient Webcastmaster, me.

On Tuesday, July 21, I'll be bringing you A Conversation with Kurt Busiek — one of the most important writers in comics.

A few more will follow and then I may be taking a hiatus from webcasting…or not. We'll see. But do join us tomorrow for the Cartoon Voices Panel.

Fortunate have I been to meet and talk with a vast array of people who were responsible for work I've loved — movies, TV shows, comic books, cartoons, novels, plays, etc. I have been fascinated to hear their stories and pleased to sometimes share them with others.

As interesting as most of the anecdotes are, I just might find it more interesting to gauge the truth or falsity of some of the stories. Needless to say, I have listened politely to a lot of stories that I thought were somewhere between about a 50 all the way up to about 100 on the Bullshit Meter.

Plucking one example out of many that come to mind in the 100 category, a TV writer you've never heard of once cornered me and told me how he really was the brains behind All in the Family and in a more just world would have received most of the profits and accolades from that, one of the most honored and successful TV shows of all time.

Well over 99% of you would not know this person's name. It appeared nowhere in connection with that program and once when I had a brief opportunity to talk with Norman Lear, I asked him if he knew the guy and he only vaguely recalled it from somewhere. I have the feeling that if the writer had really suggested Lear import the British antecedent of his biggest hit show and told him Carroll O'Connor would be perfect for the lead, Mr. Lear might have shown a bit more recognition.

That writer's name not only didn't appear on All in the Family, it didn't appear on much of anything throughout his career. His IMDB listing lists a few credits for things I don't think were ever produced or if they were, were barely seen. So I can kind of understand why he might make up something to tell himself or tell others. Everyone needs something to be proud of and it doesn't always have to be true.

What intrigues me are the people I sometimes encounter who have plenty to be proud of…but they still make shit up anyway. I'm thinking now of another TV writer I knew — someone whose name you might know but I won't mention it here. This guy had plenty to be proud of…awards, credits on hit shows, lots of critical praise, etc. But he still made things up, still claimed credit for the works of others.

He was one of at least a dozen people I've encountered who had a long, well-constructed, oft-told tale of how he came up with the idea for The Flintstones and gave the idea to Hanna and Barbera. He didn't write for them. He was not in their employ at the time. But he met them at what would have been the appropriate time for his story to have even a scintilla of credibility and he said, "Hey, here's this idea I've been kicking around for a while…"

Understand: This was not a man of no accomplishment. He had plenty to brag about. He could have told you stories for an hour that would have impressed you with his success and they'd all have been well below 10 on the aforementioned Bullshit Meter. He exaggerated a bit but not a whole lot. And then he'd seamlessly segue to one that was above 90.

And now, as they say in sportscasting, let's go to the videotape. In my life, I encountered Milton Berle about ten times and had at least four good, long conversations — one for over an hour. I also got to spend an hour or two with George Burns, who was more or less a contemporary of Berle's and someone often mentioned in the same category. George's stories were wildly entertaining, in part because he was telling them to me in private and had no problem with telling me that Al Jolson was an asshole or George Jessel was a bigger one. At least in his opinion.

I believe Mr. Burns's stories were largely true. I'm sure he condensed here and there to make them more tellable and exaggerated somewhat to make them more humorous. But he did not seem to condense or exaggerate to make himself look better. Berle, on the other hand…

Milton Berle had plenty of true accomplishments. The guy practically owned prime-time television for many years and he had a long, glorious career. The times I spoke to him, he was quite aware that I thought he was terrific in my favorite movie — need I tell any reader of this blog what it was? — and then I knew a lot about that long, glorious career. Still, much of what he told me was like the story he tells in this clip, claiming some credit for Woody Allen's success. Watch this and then we'll discuss it…

Okay. Now, let's consider how much of this might be true. He says, speaking of his Texaco Star Theater show, the sponsor had given them enough money to hire some writers and the William Morris Office sent over this kid named Woody Allen.

Berle went on the air for Texaco in June of 1948 and was a smash hit. He did the first season with little or no writing staff but started hiring writers in 1949. Woody Allen was 14 years old in 1949. Texaco dropped sponsorship of Berle in 1953 when Allen was 19, which might have been old enough to get an agent…although Woody was never represented by William Morris.

All right, so maybe Berle was misremembering the date and the agency. That doesn't mean the main claim — that it was his idea for Mr. Allen to stop writing for others and to perform his own material — is or isn't true. What suggests the claim is not true is that in Allen's recently-released autobiography, he goes into some detail about making that transition and there is no mention of Milton Berle having anything to do with it.

For that matter, there's no mention of Woody Allen in Mr. Berle's autobiography. There are however a lot of stories that are of questionable accuracy and I really don't understand why a man with so many genuine accomplishments felt the need to make up stuff to impress people. Especially a man who was known for having the largest penis in all of show business.

Forgive the lack of posting today but I've been a bit ill. My doctor, diagnosing over the phone, says it's almost certainly not The Virus but is, in fact, Food Poisoning. It sure feels like Food Poisoning, which is something I've had before, usually in tandem with a bad reaction from one of my many food allergies. The cramps come and go and I'm operating on the assumption that the worst of it is over and that I'll be fine for tomorrow afternoon's Cartoon Voices Panel.

If I felt better, this announcement would be wittier and I'd probably craft some line about how I need Trump to commute my stomach's sentence or something. The post that follows this one was written a week or so ago.

Here's my pal Richard Turner demonstrating his card skills for reality star Johnny Bananas. This is not a sham. Richard really does this…

I dunno how true it is but it sure feels like an awful lot of people who said things like "I don't need to wear a mask" and "That virus will never come to my town" are now vying for the few available hospital beds in their towns where the virus was never going to come. You keep seeing stories like this. I've rearranged a few paragraphs quoting it here…

As coronavirus cases surged throughout much of the Northeast in April and May, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) declared victory.

Florida was one of the last states to impose a stay-at-home order, and one of the first to reopen. DeSantis earned praise from President Trump for his response to the pandemic and attacked the media for fearmongering after the state reopened its beaches.

Professional sports leagues, including the NBA and Major League Soccer, announced they would resume their seasons in Florida. The Republican National Convention was moved to Jacksonville from Charlotte, N.C., because there would be fewer restrictions.

But weeks later, infections are skyrocketing. Some sports teams have already arrived in the state, and league leaders are facing questions about whether it's safe to continue with their plans. On Wednesday, Florida reported nearly 10,000 new cases. There are nearly 220,500 positive cases statewide, and the test positivity rate has been above 14 percent for more than a week.

This is so sad I can't even muster a "serves you right" or anything snarky. What I can muster though is the following cynicism: Any predictions that the virus is passing or on its way out or that it'll be safe to resume Normal Life (assuming we even remember what that is) on such-and-such a date should be presumed wrong.

They might turn out to be right. No one except Larry Kudlow is wrong 100% of the time. But the guys telling us it'll be safe to send kids back to school in September — or whenever they're saying — are the same people who told us this virus would kill very few people, would be gone by the end of April, would not spread to areas where it's now rampant, etc. It's like taking advice on how to manage your money from Willie Nelson.

I just turned down an invite from some folks who are trying to throw together a comic book convention for next February. They're optimistic that COVID-19 will be a socially-distant memory by then and I'd sure like to believe they're right. I think it's more pragmatic though to presume that their optimistic predictions are wrong. Because so far, everyone's have been.

Okay, we've talked about Carl Reiner as a producer, a director, a writer, a performer and a talk show guest. Here he is as a game show host on The Celebrity Game, which was on CBS's prime time lineup from April of 1964 until September of that year. One might note that during that time, Mr. Reiner was also producing and doing some writing and performing on The Dick Van Dyke Show, which would have made for a very busy schedule.

The time period might also have overlapped with his work as a writer and actor for The Art of Love, the movie I mentioned back in this post. It came out in July of 1965.

The Celebrity Game was produced by Merrill Heatter and Bob Quigley and was very similar to an earlier quiz program of theirs called People Will Talk. A few years later, the format would get stuffed into a big tic-tac-toe board and be called The Hollywood Squares, also from Heatter-Quigley. All three shows — People Will Talk, The Celebrity Game and the original Hollywood Squares — had Kenny Williams as the usual announcer.

This is one of the few episodes that have survived to this day. It's most interesting because Oscar Levant is on the panel…

I used to be a decent (not great but decent) cook. But like a lot of my skills, that one disappeared…disappeared along with my ability to do lettering, certain sleight-of-hand tricks from my old repertoire and draw a decent Wile E. Coyote. I used to draw a great Wile E. Coyote but that prowess went away a decade or two ago. The last time I tried, I was doing a chalk talk for some nine-year-olds and while I could still make Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Bugs Bunny and a few others appear, when I drew Wile E. Coyote, a kid in the front row said, "That doesn't look like Wile E. Coyote" and he was right.

So I no longer cook. Every so often when I feel the urge to try again, I rush to YouTube, watch an Alton Brown video and realize I simply don't have the knowledge of how to do anything more complicated than heating up a Hot Pocket. I know my place and my place is not in the kitchen.

A few days ago at a market, I picked up a package of pulled chicken. I think at the end of the day, this market takes all the rotisserie chickens that haven't been sold and they have some kid strip off the meat and put it in a package in the deli department. However it works, I bought one. For lunch today, I invented this recipe…

I put a bunch of the chicken in a microwave-safe bowl. I poured a nice amount of Rao's Marinara Sauce over it and then I grated Romano cheese over it, mixed it up, stuck it in the microwave and heated it for 45 seconds. That was enough time for the chicken and sauce to get hot and for the cheese to melt all over it. Then I took the bowl out, gave it another stir and ate every bit of the best thing I ever made. Admittedly, that's not a vast list but, hey, it's still the best thing I ever made. Next time, I might add in some cooked pasta and that will take the place of today's invention as the best thing I ever made.

I would have been impressed if the meal had taken two hours to make. The fact that it took about three minutes added to the self-impressing. I'm not expecting any of you to try it. I'm just gloating that I did something right in the kitchen besides putting Friskies Mariners Catch into dishes for the cats in my yard. (Hey, they might like this…)