Three Years Ago Today

The gorgeous face resting on my shoulder in the above photo belonged to a gorgeous person named Carolyn Kelly who was my lady friend/companion/love for around twenty years with occasional time-outs. In that time, I believe there were three moments when we broke up permanently and forever and then, after missing each other for a few weeks, reunited. There were no more sabbaticals later because we became firmly unified in our fight against a common enemy: The cancer that was threatening — and ultimately took — her life. I lost her on 4/9/17.

Since then, I've thought of her often, often marveling at how sometimes it feels like my last moments with her were days ago and sometimes, decades ago.

For obvious reasons, she's on my mind when I'm working on the Pogo books, as I am this week. She loved that comic strip and not just because she loved its creator and not just because he was her father. I never met Walt Kelly so I can't hear him when I read it but I sometimes hear Carolyn. It's her sense of humor and often, her way of looking at life. Don't ask me to explain this because I can't. It's just there.

For the last 11 or so months of her life, she was in a nursing home and when she went in, I knew she would not be coming out. At the time, she didn't know that…or maybe didn't accept that…or maybe couldn't accept that. But slowly, she realized how it was going to end and I don't know if she realized it because the deterioration of her condition was escalating or if it escalated because she realized it. Probably a little of each.

In messages I wrote here after she died, I tried to explain some of the things I'd learned or decided upon with regard to losing a loved one. I believe some people overmourn (to coin a word) because they think a vast amount of visible anguish is expected of them. It seems to me that many people are too reticent to rethink their lives without the dearly departed so they just leave that huge hole. You can miss someone dearly without wearing your grief as a badge. This might be a good time to remember that and in the coming weeks especially.

Carolyn left me many things, some even tangible. For instance, I don't want to brag but I now own the world's largest collection of Walt Kelly's old phone bills. And she left me a project…finishing up the Pogo reprint series that she started. Most of all, she left me memories of her wonderful face and spirit and smile and laugh and so many things I learned from her. When someone close to you dies, you can keep all those things and still get on with your life. I am absolutely certain that she would be glad that I have. If you think for a second that she wouldn't have, you really didn't know this wonderful person.