Monthly Archives: March 2020

Most of the late night comedy shows have closed down while everyone tries to learn more about the pandemic and figure out how and when to restart normal life. A few days ago, all the late night shows were talking about remaining in production but doing so without live audiences. Suddenly though, things got worse and now most are shutting down operations for the time being. I believe John Oliver is doing a new show Sunday night, sans audience. Earlier this evening, Bill Maher did one with just the crew and staff there to yuk it up, then he's off for a week and they'll decide if he's back the following week.

But Colbert, Fallon, Meyers, Corden, Samantha Bee, Ellen, Watch What Happens Live, Kimmel and probably a few others I'm forgetting are all on indefinite hiatus and probably have sent most staffers to work at home. I'm not sure what they're waiting for. What does anyone expect will change in the next few weeks?

I wonder if anyone has thought of doing shows from home.

My pal Stu Shostak does a video podcast called Stu's Show from his home out in Chatsworth. Many of you have seen it. Most episodes, he has one or two guests there but he also does them with remote guests. I've been one of them several times, appearing via webcam from my home which is about an hour drive from his…but he also has on other guests in other states. Anyone can be on as long as that person has a good webcam and a reliable Internet connection.

Stu not only hosts but he simultaneously directs, selecting the shot that you see on your screen: One person in a box, two people in two boxes, three in three, etc. The format is not unfamiliar to anyone who watches cable news shows with lots of different talking heads in different boxes, participating from different locations.

Imagine if they installed a really good webcam in Stephen Colbert's home. I would imagine CBS could afford the best and get him the best Internet that money can buy. Imagine if in another location — isolated, unable to infect another guest or himself — you had bandleader Jon Batiste at a keyboard. Then you get a couple of interesting guests in front of webcams in their homes or wherever they are. Everyone's connected and it all feeds into a computer controlled by a director who handles the chore of switching, as Stu does himself, to close-ups, two-shots, the "Brady Bunch" look…whatever.

Everyone chats like they would on any talk show. Batiste plays us in and out of breaks and provides underscore where appropriate. The director could also roll-in prerecorded clips and toss in title cards and credits and such. It would be easy to arrange, incredibly cheap to do, way better than reruns, and I don't know why they aren't setting this up right now. Just when a lot of us are feeling trapped in our homes, the networks could be giving us fresh, topical content that doesn't make us feel so isolated and alone.

So why isn't someone trying to make this happen? Maybe they are.

In the meantime, I thought I'd embed here two amazing hunks of video…Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers doing some of their last fresh content before shutting down. Neither of them had live audiences from outside; just crew and staff members and not a lot of them. Meyers is doing prepared material but working way looser than he does in a normal show. The clip of Colbert was a rehearsal that they decided to air. You'll notice a lot of edits in it and I wonder how much of that was to hit a certain time limit or if he just went off the rails, ad-libbing and rambling. I rather enjoyed both of these…

Someday, someone will write a detailed analysis of the growing concern about the coronavirus and they will note how nothing made Americans take it more seriously than when they heard Tom Hanks had it.

You know what I wish? I wish no one's response to all this was being affected one way or another by whether they love or hate Donald Trump. And I'm not suggesting mine isn't, though when it's me, I would change "love or hate" to "respect or don't respect." I don't like the idea of the word "hate" being directed at another human being no matter how horrible he or she is.

We just have too many folks who are denying the threat, not because of any actual medical information but because they're afraid it will hurt their candidate's chances, and too many who may be exaggerating because they're so eager to see that guy gone. The two overreactions are not really equivalent because in a case like this, if you err, it's prudent to err on the side of caution. The guys who are going around saying, "It's a hoax! Let's all shake hands and cough in each others' faces!" are willing to err on the side of reckless.

I do like the quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson: "We're in the middle of an experiment. And the experiment is to see how many people listen to scientists."

I'm of course intrigued about how TV shows are dealing with it. I'm going to post a few thoughts about that later today. Right now, I'm going to see if I can get it off my mind long enough to write something for which I will get paid…that is, assuming the company I'm writing it for doesn't shut down. Maybe I'd better type faster.

Tonight, Turner Classic Movies is running The Big Doll House, a 1971 exploitation film about women in prison who can't seem to keep their shirts on. The film was shot in the Philippines for, from the looks of it, I'd say about four hundred dollars and that's including the script. But it was very successful and very imitated by different outfits and if you like that kind of film, this is that kind of film. Roger Corman's New World Pictures made it and they themselves followed it with two imitations — The Big Bird Cage and Women in Cages — featuring many of the same cast members and scenes and sets. Pam Grier was in all three.

This one and The Big Bird Cage were helped enormously by the presence of Sid Haig, one of my favorite actors in a long list of (mostly) low-budget movies. He's very funny in The Big Doll House. I'm not necessarily recommending this movie but if you do watch, watch for Sid. You can read my obit for Mr. Haig here and a great anecdote about him here.

It's Friday the 13th but it's also the 99th birthday of the longest-serving of The Usual Gang of Idiots in MAD magazine and one of the most beloved cartoonists in the world. Abraham "Al" Jaffee was born on March 13, 1921 and he began drawing comic books in 1941. He made his MAD debut in #25 (September, 1955) when he wrote an article entitled, "Baseball…Science or Skill?" for then-editor Harvey Kurtzman.

A few months later when Kurtzman left MAD to do a magazine for Hugh Hefner, Al went with him and didn't return to the pages of MAD until late 1958. He was in almost every issue thereafter, sometimes as a writer, sometimes as an artist, most often as a writer-artist. And in 1964, he originated the MAD Fold-In, which quickly became one of the essential components of almost every issue since. Only recently did he stop doing them and passed the job on to another artist.

Al is one of those wonderful cartoonists who is also a wonderful human being. Everybody who knows the guy loves the guy. Everybody who doesn't know the guy would love the guy if they knew the guy. Happy 99, Al. Hope you enjoy being middle-aged.

I want to make a small point about all these cancellations and closures and postponements we're seeing — WonderCon, Disneyland, Broadway…even the real important ones like the unveiling of the Bullwinkle & Rocky statue. We may well look back some day and decide some of this was unnecessary but we can't say that now, at least with any certainty. You might be washing your hands way more often than you need to…but we don't know. And when you don't know and peoples' lives are in jeopardy, you err on the side of possible over-caution. You have to. So keep on washing 'em.

We're also eliminating a lot of uncertainty. I was set to host six panels at WonderCon and to spend three days there. I felt that if they were going to hold it, I was going to go…but I'm 68 years old now and one of the consistent things we're hearing about the COVID-19 pandemic is that it's really rough on folks, age seventy and up. 68 is way too close to 70. A few days ago, I became convinced they'd have to postpone the con but it wasn't until I got the text message this morning that I felt a small but present weight lift off me: That's one thing I don't have to think about.

I am not worried about the virus. I'm worried about not doing the right things in a tricky situation. Contracting it might be inevitable but you want to do everything in your power to minimize the possibility. I feel a bit better today because I'm making some adjustments in how I live for the time being which I think will do that. And I don't have to keep thinking about whether to brave WonderCon and not let anyone down or to cancel on WonderCon, which was increasingly looking like a risky thing to attend. Its operators did a wise thing and I thank them for doing it now instead of waiting a week or two.

If it turns out that this thing takes a lot fewer human lives than the Worst Case projections, I hope we don't hear people saying the reactions to it and all these cancellations were foolish and unnecessary. I hope they say the fatalities were kept down by swift, smart action and responsible parties erring on the side of caution. And I really hope they say that it was an act of appalling negligence that we weren't better prepared for this and that we won't make that mistake again.

The city of West Hollywood has canceled the unveiling ceremony for the Bullwinkle & Rocky statue. (Thanks, Matt Gill!)

Watch this. Robert Redfield, who is the Prevention Director for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is testifying before a Congressional committee and Rep. Katie Porter (D-CA), hauls out a whiteboard and — well, watch what happens. Ms. Porter represents California's 45th congressional district, which is Irvine and Laguna Hills and that area. You'll wish she represented you…

Broadway shows (and that kind of show in other locations) are going dark for a while. But if you miss show tunes, here are some 20-second excerpts you can sing to yourself to time the washing of your hands.

Here's the statement…

To protect public health and slow the rate of transmission of COVID-19, the California Department of Public Health announced a recommendation that gatherings and events of more than 250 people should either be postponed or cancelled. Comic-Con (organizer of WonderCon) will abide by this recommendation. Therefore WonderCon Anaheim, scheduled for April 10-12, 2020 in Anaheim, California, will be postponed until a later date. We will begin processing refunds in the coming days.

We continue to work closely with officials in San Diego and at this time no decision has been made regarding the rescheduling of Comic-Con slated to take place this summer; July 23-26, 2020. We urge everyone to follow the recommendations set forth by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and your local health officials.

I guess this surprises no one. Oddly enough, here's how I heard. I was in my doctor's office, discussing my health (I'm fine) and this whole mess (it's not). He told me, among other things, to avoid crowds. Here is how the exchange went…

ME: I avoid crowds anyway. There's a comic book convention in Anaheim one month from now but I'm figuring a 99.9% chance of it being postponed.

DOC: If you have any clout with them, encourage them to make it 100%.

ME: Hold on. I just got a text message. [reads text message] Okay. It's 100%.

Anyway, that's all I know about it. I'm pretty sure the answers to the two main questions — "What will the new dates be?" and "Will this mean Comic-Con won't happen on schedule?" is "They'll figure that out when they know more." One of the many maddening/scary things about this virus is how little is known about it. Remember how earlier today I said that people who don't know should learn to say "I don't know"? I didn't have Mr. Trump in mind when I wrote that and it certainly doesn't apply only to him…

…but his claims that the virus would be gone any day now, it was all contained, it would certainly be gone when the weather got warmer, etc…those soundbites will go down in history as the stupidest fuckin' things a President of the United States ever said. It's only mid-March and Politifact already has its Lie of the Year. They just have to pick from among a dozen or so.

Film at 11. (I'm still at my doctor's office. )

I don't think I like living in Interesting Times. I could do with some utter boredom in my world.

Leave us be honest. We're all scared and at the same time, baffled as to how scared we should be. Whatever it is that some people have liked about Donald Trump, it probably isn't how his administration projects a sense of confidence that grown-ups are in control and know what to do. That speech he gave last night was appalling, first for his unwell, unsure demeanor and secondly for the vast number of clarifications and corrections his own staff had to issue immediately after it.

We've come to expect that of his off-the-top-of-his-combover, ad-lib ramblings…but this was a prepared speech that didn't have correct information on the TelePrompter. Rod Dreher, a pundit who politically is on Trump's side, was appalled…

The President of the United States, on live television, reading prepared remarks, told the world that the US was cutting off all trade with Europe for thirty days. But it wasn't true. Completely freaking incompetent. No excuse at all. We are in such trouble…

For a guy who seems to care only about (a) his image and (b) the stock market, Trump sure is doing a lot of damage to both. And we're all sitting here wondering how concerned we should be, how we should protect ourselves as we stare at our calendars, wondering what we should cancel and what will be canceled for us. I actually have an appointment today at my doctor's office for a routine physical. I know I'm going to that but anything beyond it is a big question mark.

We will get through this but it's going to be way more difficult and fraught with worries than it needs to be. The thing to do is to remember that we will get through it.

I need to leave for my appointment soon so I want to just leave you with three thoughts for now. One is to not believe rumors. Rumors, especially on the Internet, seem to be born out of speculation from — and I'll put this in bold because we all have to remember this — someone who has no real information whatsoever. And then someone else treats that as possible inside information and says something based on absolutely nothing but it starts with "I'm hearing that…" and more people think there's a real source somewhere. The fact that something is "going around" doesn't mean it came from anyone with the slightest gram of knowledge about whatever it is.

Second thought: "I don't know" is a powerful, essential phrase in our world. It's what you should say when you don't know instead of trying to act like you know and making up something that might, if only by sheer dumb luck, be a right answer.

And lastly for now: The time you spend panicking and worrying is time you're not spending fixing things. You also may not be doing things you need to do…like, I have scripts that need to be written. I also need to divert some (but not all) of my limited brainpower towards checking to see if I'm doing everything I need to do to deal with these new and as-yet-not-fully-understood problems. But spending time on that and not on getting those scripts done is not good for me because the scripts do have to get done.

It is possible to spend too much time thinking about the coronavirus and also to spend too little. Either one is bad. The way to get through this is to find the sweet spot between them. And it also helps to listen less to "experts" (the kind in quotes) on the Internet and to consult a doctor you trust. Which is what I'm going to do now. Bye.

• All I know is that whenever the crisis is over, no matter how many people have died, no matter how many have suffered or how the economy has been harmed, Donald Trump will insist his administration deserves an A-plus for how they handled it.

As you may know, Late Night with Seth Meyers posts segments from each episode earlier on Twitter. About 6 PM my time (9 PM in New York), they posted this video of tonight's "A Closer Look" segment, which is about the coronavirus. It spends close to sixteen minutes basically calling Donald Trump an idiot…

Friends keep asking me why, in my humblest of humble opinions, so many Democrats have been voting for Joe Biden over Bernie Sanders. I think there are an awful lot of reasons but one biggie is mounting fear of a second Trump term. And the way Trump has managed to seem utterly clueless in a crisis — and interested only in the stock market and his own person image — has only intensified that fear.

You may recall that I wrestled with this question: Do I vote for the person I think would make the best president? Or do I vote for the person I think stands the best chance of clobbering Trump? A good case could be made for either.

It almost came down to a coin-flip for me but when I finally decided it was time to mark my ballot, I went for Option #1 and marked for Sanders. If I'd marked it next month, I might opt for for the guy I thought had the best chance of winning, which to me is Biden. And yes, I know there have been polls saying Bernie's more electable and his die-hards will forever cite them…but those were only some polls, not even most. More importantly, those were polls gauging Sanders before the Trump Attack Machine began selling Americans on the concept that as an avowed Castro-loving, America-hating Commie, Sanders would take away your children, your guns, your beloved pets, your freedoms, your Doritos, your Bud Light, your underwear, etc.

If you think I'm wrong…well, maybe I am. Or maybe you're wrong. We'll never know for sure. Remember I voted for Sanders but not because I thought he was the better candidate. I voted for him because I thought he'd be the better president. After a few more weeks of Trump stumbling about, telling us the virus is contained…and if it isn't, it'll go away when the weather gets warmer…and in the meantime, tests are available for everybody…I might be more inclined to vote for the guy with the best chance of beating him, which I think is Biden, especially with the proper veep selection.

Bernie did not look like a smaller man…not for a second. But I think to most people, I think he started looking like the bigger gamble.

That's why I think a lot of unexpected votes — including a wide number of Democrats who decided at the last minute — went to Joe Biden. And I also think that the army of new, young voters that were energized to turn out for Bernie just didn't materialize…and maybe were overestimated all along. But when you come right down to it, I probably should have voted for Huckleberry…

So Harvey Weinstein got 23 years in prison…and he still may have charges to face in Los Angeles. He's 67…so what are the odds that he staggers out a free man in the year 2043? Or serves even a third of that sentence?

I'm flipping back and forth between news channels and everyone's talking about the satisfaction and possible healing that now comes to the 80+ women who have said Weinstein assaulted them. That's all true and good but I don't hear anyone talking about what I think is even more important: How this impacts other sexual predators who have not (yet) been identified…or not yet even committed similar deeds.

And don't forget all the people who make this kind of thing possible by knowing about such acts and pretending they don't. What happened today is not just about Weinstein and his victims. Maybe I'm missing it but I haven't seen anyone in all this breathless news coverage mention that.