When I was working on the TV show That's Incredible! in the eighties, we did a lot of stories about people who did daring things, leaping off this or over that or otherwise risking their lives. At one point, someone at ABC became concerned — as some of us on the staff were — that the show was glorifying that kind of risk-taking.
Then along came a story — all filmed and edited and ready-to-air — that seemed a bit excessive in that direction. I was not involved in putting together the segment but I was the guy who would have to write the lines by which John Davidson would introduce it. Someone on our staff we'll call Mike was supervising and editing the piece and he told me, "The network's asking us to shoot and include a brief interview with a psychologist or someone like that to explain why people take such risks."
I asked Mike how he went about finding such a person and he reached for a little box of file cards on his desk, a box that others in his department often accessed.
"Easy," he said. "I just consult the master list of Quote Whores." And sure enough, a label on the front of the box actually said that. It said, "Quote Whores."
Quote Whores, he explained, were people who would say anything to get on television. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. There were about thirty 3-by-5 cards in the box and he riffled through them until he found the name of a well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist.
I will not tell you who it was but some of you would recognize the name. This person did a lot of TV and in so doing, promoted a lot of high-selling books and was hired for consulting jobs and media appearances. I have no idea how good a psychologist this person was but they never, Mike told me, said no to any chance to be on TV or radio even for free. They knew the value of being famous and being on television.
He placed a call to the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist and explained what was needed. The well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist apparently said, "Send your crew over" and Mike and a two-person camera crew hopped in a car. Upon their return, the footage was edited into the segment and before the day was out, Mike showed me the finished (he thought) piece as it would air.
It now included about thirty seconds of the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist explaining why certain people need to risk their lives occasionally and how it demonstrated a certain deep, personal need to prove one's courage to one's self and to reinforce a sense of identity and blah blah blah. It sounded like psychobabble to me, probably because it was.
The finished (Mike thought) piece was dispatched to the network to see if they liked it. They didn't like it.
The next morning, an ABC Standards and Practices person (or someone there) told Mike, "No, no…you misunderstood. We want the expert to say that people who risk their lives like this have some sort of clinical disregard for their own lives and feeling of worthlessness." Or at least they wanted something like that. Whatever it was, it was the opposite of what the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist had said.
Mike apologized and promised to get what was requested. Then he went to the Quote Whores box…and did he now find a different "expert" who would say what was now needed? No, he called the same one.
The same well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist said, "Come on back here" and three hours later, the segment was finished with the same expert spewing psychobabble that precisely contradicted the previous day's psychobabble.
I was surprised that someone with a reputation to protect would do something like that…and then after I thought it over a little longer, I was surprised that I was surprised. My cynicism should have kicked in way earlier.
What separated the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist from any other psychologist was that the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist was a well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV psychologist. That person knew, as did all who inhabit Quote Whores boxes everywhere, the value of being well-known and seen-often-on-TV.
So that's the story I have for you today. You might be interested to know what reminded me of it. I was reading this article about Alan Dershowitz and also this article about Alan Dershowitz. Once upon a time, in a more innocent pre-O.J. time, I really respected the well-known, seen-often-on-your-TV legal authority, Alan Dershowitz.