So I actually went out last night on Halloween — to a party some friends were throwing. The party itself was great, fun, wonderful and delightful in every way. Getting there though was horrendous. On any other night, it would have been forty minutes to get from here to there. Last night, "there" was an hour and forty-five minutes of moving at about the speed of Congress.
On major streets, it was bumper-to-bumper. My four-year-old knee — installed two days after Halloween of 2015 — has a bad time with stop/go/stop/go/stop/go driving but that's what it was like on all the main thoroughfares. When we got to residential streets, I thought I was done with that but it got worse. We were in an area heavily peopled with little people in dark-colored costumes who didn't know you just don't walk across the street without checking to see if my car is coming.
Once we got to the party, things were great and the return home was pretty easy. But the ride there was brutal enough to make me think I won't be going out on Halloween until I can travel via the car George Jetson uses.
Meanwhile, lots and lots of folks who know of my dislike for candy corn sent me jokes about it, almost all of them incorporating my well-known dislike for cole slaw. I got recipes for cole slaw made out of candy corn, candy corn made out of cole slaw, stews made of candy corn and cole slaw, diets in which one consumes only candy corn and cole slaw, etc. Fine. Keep 'em coming. But you should know that I gave up all candy years ago so I really don't have any feelings about the corn variety that I don't also have for Hershey's, Reese's, M&Ms, peppermints, etc. except that I might eat some of them at gunpoint. Candy corn, no.
And to prove I'm not alone in my feelings, here's a video that my buddy Stu Shostak spotted and sent to me. I have no idea who produced this or who the host is or how they conducted their survey or how accurate it is but in this country, we agree with any poll or survey that agrees with us. So here is a thoroughly accurate, indisputable, inarguable, can't-be-wrong sampling of what America believes. Actually, I wouldn't let any of these alleged treats anywhere near any of my mouths…