Shouldering a Burden

I have no idea what caused it but my left shoulder has had something wrong with it for about six weeks now. It hurts like hell but only when I put that arm into one of several positions that are easy to avoid, especially when I don't have to put on or take off a shirt or jacket. Just sitting here writing, it's fine. If you pointed a gun at me and said "Stick 'em up," it might be less painful to have you shoot me than for me to raise that arm in the air.

And not only do we not know what caused it, the doctors aren't sure what "it" is. They did x-rays that told them very little and then an MRI which told them less. It's not a torn rotator cuff; that, we know.

There might be a slight tear in one muscle but it doesn't seem to be the kind to cause this problem. The shoulder doctor gave me (a) a shot of cortisone, (b) a prescription for more physical therapy and (c) an appointment in six weeks so we could assess how much (a) and (b) had helped. So far, the answer is "Just a little."

Physical therapy is great, though. For one thing, you learn stuff. The other day there, I noticed a wise bit of advice on the machine I was using…

"Stop if you feel pain or faint."  Yes, absolutely. This notice should be everywhere because it pertains to everything. No matter what you're doing — walking, running, having sex, twerking, watching Fox News, reading Groo the Wanderer, whatever — if you feel pain or faint, stop. Just stop.

We get lots of good advice that applies everywhere. When I go to comic conventions, there are almost always signs that remind you not to touch people without their consent or make sexual comments that may be unwelcome. You should absolutely heed those signs at conventions but you should also do what they say when you're at Costco, when you're walking down any street, when you're in a public park, etc. They apply everywhere.

Getting back to my shoulder: My orthopedist thinks that whatever's wrong with it will go away on its own. That seems logical to me since it happened on its own. For now though we're following the sage advice offered by the great all-seeing, all-knowing wise man, Henny Youngman. He told of the man who went to his doctor and said, "Doc, it hurts when I do this!" To which the doctor replied, "Then don't do that!"

It's a very old joke but it's basically what we're doing right now about my shoulder.