So…do we think Chris Christie really turned down the job of Chief of Staff to Donald Trump? Or did he know he wasn't going to be offered it and he got out ahead of the story in order to try and convince people he's still important enough that he might be asked?
And if he really did turn it down, was it because he had the common sense to know that anyone in the job would be verbally abused by Trump no end, then fired and verbally abused even more?
And if Stephen Colbert was doing a new show tonight, how far into the monologue would he be saying, "Chris Christie never turned down a job or a donut"?
Today is the first day of this cold where I don't feel quite as bad as I sound. My voice is somewhere between Barry White and late-in-life Lucille Ball but my head no longer feels like a touring company of Riverdance is using it for a rehearsal hall. By Monday, I might even sound and/or feel like me.
I just received — and by "just," I mean as I was typing the previous paragraph — a "screener" DVD of Mary Poppins Returns. It says that they're pushing Lin-Manuel Miranda for Best Actor, and in the category of Best Supporting Actor, they want us to consider Ben Whishaw, Dick Van Dyke and Colin Firth. For Best Actress, they list Emily Blunt (of course). For Best Supporting Actress, they list Emily Mortimer, Meryl Streep (of course) and Angela Lansbury.
I have another New Rule for Bill Maher. New Rule: HBO has to stagger seasons and vacations so Real Time with Bill Maher and Last Week Tonight with John Oliver are never both on hiatus at the same time.
I'm now going to go eat a big bowl of chicken noodle soup. This is not because of my cold. I just like chicken noodle soup.