At last, I have something in common with Donald Trump. He said this morning, "I'm not a drinker. I can honestly say I never had a beer in my life." Neither have I. Honest to God, I'm 66 years old and I've never had one. Never had a sip of wine, either. I'm sure I've had traces of both in, for example, beer-battered fried shrimp or French Onion Soup made with wine…but I've never had an actual glass of either or anything harder. I had a NyQuil once when I was around twenty and it did worse things to my system than the ailment it was supposed to soothe.
I'm sure all those things are wonderful to some people, especially if they know when to stop consuming them and can. I have nothing against social drinking. I just don't want to do it.
Friends sometimes ask me why. "Because I just don't want to" is my answer and to me, that oughta be sufficient…but it usually enough isn't for them. "Don't you want to at least try it?" they ask — and my answer is no. I have some very bad mental associations with excessive drinking — friends who took it to self-destructive levels — and non-excessive drinking reminds me of excessive drinking. I know there's a big difference but I can't always shake the association.
Moreover, I don't like trying new foods or beverages. No, let me rephrase that: I don't try new foods or beverages. You get to be like that when you have serious food allergies and even just the wrong hors d'oeuvre at a party can lead to long hours of stomach cramps, painful vomiting and worse. Surely, no matter how bulletproof your tummy may be, you can grasp the concept of "It ain't worth the risk."
Some people don't. I know I've written about this before but you'd be amazed that a lot of folks don't see the difference between "I won't eat that because I might not like it" and "I won't eat that because it could put me in the hospital." A woman once, unasked, cooked asparagus for me. When I told her asparagus did awful, awful things to my system, she asked, "Well, what if I put a sauce on it so it didn't taste like asparagus?"
I get offered beer and wine and harder stuff all the time. At a party at Comic-Con a year before last, a fellow writer walked up to me, thrust an uncapped bottle into my hand and said, "Here — I bought you a Corona." When I returned it to him with a polite "Thanks, but…" explanation, he acted like since he'd paid for it, it was awfully rude and unsporting of me to not chug-a-lug his gift.
But I really have no desire to try beer, especially since about ten years ago when I also gave up all liquids except water. Today, if you handed me a Pepsi-Cola or an apple juice I'd gently decline those also. I've decided my body just runs better that way and you should not think I'm condemning you in the slightest for enjoying something I choose not to put into my system.
Actually, I started this post before Trump's quote because the other day, we saw a Supreme Court nominee testifying of his love for beer and the evidence suggests it was a very big thing in his life, once upon a time. It might still be. Another thing that scared me off alcohol is the way some people seemed to need it so badly.
I can't think of anything I ever put in my body for pleasure that I care about as much as Brett Kavanaugh — and let's be fair, many others — cares about beer. I've made a fuss on this blog over the Classic Creamy Tomato Soup that's occasionally available at Souplantation but over the course of a year, I maybe consume eight bowls of the stuff and I go through no withdrawal symptoms or cravings during the 10-11 months per year it's unavailable. As of today, it's unavailable for an indeterminate time and I'll be fine 'til it's back.
It will be back, won't it? Please tell me it will be back soon. Please.