Monthly Archives: September 2018

At 7:47, I posted the previous post suggesting that Dave Thomas the perfect guy to play Brett Kavanaugh on Saturday Night Live. At 8:19 I received a call from my friend Shelly Goldstein. And she just posted this to Facebook…

My friend Mark Evanier insists his life is ruled by almost impossibly eerie coincidences and synchronicities. Things just happen that "fit" — things that make no logical sense. Tish tosh, you say??? Read on.

I was at dinner with a mutual friend of ours and we were discussing something Mark said. We both pulled out our phones and looked at Mark's blog — the wonderful www.newsfromme.com. The story below was the blog's newest posting. (We weren't looking for this story. It just happened to be the newest one posted.)

We looked at the photos below and then looked at the gent at the next table. He'd just come over to our table because he mistook my friend for a friend of his. When he realized his mistake, he apologized. We all laughed and he went back to his table.

So I took my phone, walked to the gent's table and showed him, Dave Thomas, the story Mark had just put on his blog — suggesting he was the perfect choice to play Brett K on SNL.

Dave laughed. We all laughed. And then I called Mark to tell him of another one of those wacky, irrational Evanier "coinky-dinks." HOW DOES HE DO IT?

p.s. If you see Dave Thomas playing this role on SNL — you'll know why.

These things happen to me. These things happen to me all the time.

Saturday Night Live has its season debut this weekend. I think it's like Season 733 or something. Anyway, I presume they've already figured out who'll play Brett Kavanaugh in a cold opening with Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump…but I can't look at the nominee without seeing Dave Thomas of SCTV.

It's Randy Rainbow with the topic/song that's on everyone's lips…

Bradley J. Birzer, who it says on the linked page is The American Conservative's scholar-at-large, celebrates the late, still-very-much-in-print Ray Bradbury. I agree with most of the piece except where it tries a little too hard to claim him as a Libertarian. You could probably make the case that Bradbury was at times a member of every major political movement except the American Nazi Party and that one that was trying to elect an otter to the House of Representatives.

We talked politics a few times and he rejected labels because they associated him with entire party platforms and he didn't agree with any party's platform in full. If he was a Libertarian, he was a Libertarian who thought taxes should be raised as much as necessary for the government to build monorails and other forms of rapid transit from everywhere to everywhere else. When you look at how much it will cost just California to build just that mythical (so far) bullet train from somewhere near Los Angeles to somewhere near San Francisco, you have a vague idea what he would have had us spend just to get around on this world. Then there were all the other planets he felt should have been easily reachable for a guy like him who didn't drive…

This runs an hour and forty-six minutes and I usually don't embed videos that long but this is an hour and a half of Rodgers and Hammerstein music at the BBC Proms. It features some superb vocalists and maybe the best orchestra in the world, conducted by that guy who looks like Stephen Colbert.

If you don't want to watch the whole thing, here are two outstanding two-song parlays: They do "There is Nothing Like a Dame" at 56:40 followed immediately by "Some Enchanted Evening." Then starting at 1:35:40, you can hear "Climb Every Mountain" followed by a terrific, rousing rendition of "Oklahoma!" I'm not the biggest fan of Rodgers and Hammerstein shows but there are wonderful musical moments in all of them and this concert does justice to most of 'em…

The Bill Cosby sentencing trial is taking place even as we blog and the New York Times is posting live updates if you're curious. At the moment, the big suspense — apart from what the sentence will be — is whether Mr. Cosby will speak on his own behalf and if so, if he'll make any admission of his crimes. If I were him, I'd get up, do the "Noah" routine, take a bow and then sit down. It's never failed.

Seems likely he'll get something like 2-4 years in a prison that will respect and deal with his advanced age and failing eyesight, plus there will be post-sentence monitoring and reporting and such. Some will say he doesn't deserve that kind of care. Others will say the sentence is too short or too long.

Me, I think any prison is fine as long as there are bars somewhere so we can say "Bill Cosby is behind bars." I also think he should not be allowed to remain free pending the outcome of the appeals process which could last longer than the defendant will.

And 2-4 years is probably right if, as the law dictates, it's only a sentence for the three counts on which he was convicted and it's not supposed to cover all the crimes for which he could not be prosecuted. If he could be sentenced just for disappointing his admirers, he'd get the chair. 2-4 years is also a pretty high percentage of the time he has remaining in this world.

In other Sexual Assault News, I dunno where we are with Brett Kavanaugh. Jonathan Chait thinks he probably won't get on the high court. It may come down to whether Trump will withdraw the name because that would be the wise thing to do in order to get a Conservative seated, or whether Trump will fight on, lest the "loss" tar his followers' belief in him as an all-powerful force that always achieves what he sets out to do. And that may hinge on how many more women come forth with accusations and how many Republican senators decide they dare not vote for this guy. There are more accusers emerging which may explain why they wanted this guy confirmed as swiftly as possible.

A friend of mine and I were talking the other day about what happens if the Democrats take control of the Senate before anyone can be confirmed to that seat. I think there's about a 2% chance of that happening but if it did, the new Senate Majority Leader should announce that the new Majority is willing to work with the president and that they will give prompt and proper consideration to any nomination he makes as long as the candidate is (a) qualified, (b) properly vetted and (c) named Merrick Garland. It's not gonna happen but it might help unite the nation. Even die-hard Republicans can appreciate a neat bit of Payback.

The late George Plimpton was a writer who became famous by going out and doing things other than writing — like scrimmaging with the Detroit Lions or trying to play golf on the PGA tour — and then writing about his experiences. He was something of a celebrity and often appeared in movies and on TV shows or was depicted in movies or TV shows. Alan Alda played him in the 1968 movie Paper Lion, which was about his brief football career.

He did some specials for television like this one which aired March 31, 1971. For this, he did something far more dangerous than suiting up with the Lions or being an ice hockey goalie for the Boston Bruins. For this special, he tried to become — for just one night on a Las Vegas stage — a stand-up comic. In the film, you'll see him get advice from some top comics of the day including Steve Allen, Woody Allen, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Jonathan Winters and Buddy Hackett. On some of their faces, you can see a brave expression masking a certainty that his mission was hopeless.

I remember seeing this when it aired and thinking I'd never seen a man less suited to being a comedian and I also thought that most of the advice they dispensed to him — at least what was included in the documentary — was pretty useless and not necessarily true. Now that I'm older and have had experience writing comedy and working with comics, I see that I was right.

But I also see a fun little piece of film that reminds us what that world was like in 1971. The whole world of stand-up comedy was about to undergo a major revolution. George Carlin put out his transformative album Class Clown the following year, which was also when The Comedy Store opened in Los Angeles. Things changed a lot after that.

I enjoyed watching this again for a couple of reasons, one being that one of the writers engaged to write Mr. Plimpton's act was my old friend David Panich. David was a strange man, easily the most paranoid human to ever walk this planet. I'd write about him here but you'd never believe half of it. Unless you knew him, in which case you'd believe everything. It was also nice to see some of 1971 Los Angeles and to see some of those comedians again. Plimpton standing alongside Jonathan Winters presented a nice contrast: The man least qualified to stand on a stage and make people laugh next to the man most qualified.

One other memory: Plimpton made his Vegas debut on the stage of the Circus Maximus at Caesars Palace, an awesome performing space which was knocked down to make room for The Colosseum, an even more awesome room. In the doc when Plimpton walks out onto the empty stage of the Circus Maximus, I had a flashback to a moment when I did that. This was around 1985 or so and I went there with my pal Jeff Altman, who was working as the opening act for Kool and the Gang. During rehearsals, I strolled out there just as Mr. Plimpton did…and even though there was zero chance of me ever appearing there with people in the seats, it was a terrifying place to be. I immediately walked — no, I ran for the wings.

I have never had any yearning to be a performer and I can think of about twenty moments in my life when the absence of any such fantasies was starkly reinforced. That was just such a moment. So here's George Plimpton being a lot braver than I could ever be…

I keep starting and not finishing posts about why I do not think Woody Allen is a child molester. The pieces keep getting longer and more involved and I seem to be incapable of writing a blog post and not a book on the topic. Kyle Smith, who writes for the National Review, has done a much better (and far more concise) job of doing what I seem to be unable to do.

I do not expect any one article to change the minds of those who are convinced beyond a shadow of any doubt that Mr. Allen molested a seven-year-old girl. Certainly the one I'd write would not make any of those folks do a one-eighty. The best any piece could conceivably do is to get his accusers to move from 100% certainty to, oh, maybe 93% or so. You may notice that most of them think the allegations of the seven-year-old must be believed in toto and that the counter-allegations of two of her older siblings, claiming abuse by their mother, must be ignored totally.

And as you can see, my Internet is working again. I'm sure my ultimatum caused them to hurry up and fix it.

I refuse to post another word on this blog until Spectrum fixes my Internet service.

Lewis Black is one of my three-or-so favorite comedians working these days. He has just gone back out on tour (the whole schedule is here) which is great news if you can get to see him but it's also great news if you can't.

When Mr. Black does a show, he performs for the live audience and then he does a special 15-25 minute mini-show which streams live on the web. It's called The Rant is Due and it's all improvised fresh every time he does it, mostly answering questions submitted by his fans. It's not easy to watch it live but each episode is posted for a while on this webpage for free viewing. They usually have the last three or four up there. As I'm writing this, they have up the one he did last night in Keene, New Hampshire and the one he did the night before in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

Tonight, he's in Great Barrington, Massachusetts and the online show will commence 90-120 minutes after the show starts, which tonight is 7 PM East Coast Time…so figure 8:30-9 PM. Black travels with a fine opening act comedian, John Bowman, who also serves as announcer for The Rant is Due. If you miss it — and you probably will — it'll be online with the others a few hours after or maybe the next morning. And it'll be there for your viewing pleasure until it's displaced by future episodes.

If you're as much a fan of Lewis as I am (or even close), join his fan club. For twenty bucks, it gives you online access to hundreds of past installments of The Rant is Due, and if he comes close enough to you for you to go see him, members have access to great seats at lower prices. That alone can save way more than the cost of the fan club membership. At a time when some comics are in the clutches of managers who book them into buildings that are way too big for a stand-up act and who charge way more for seats and way more than that for the best seats, Lewis Black is a refreshing exception. And also a very funny, witty man.

I hear from a lot of folks who want to write cartoons. It's a much tougher job than some imagine but if you can find the right work situation — i.e., the right folks to work with on the right project — it can be very rewarding and not just in a monetary sense.

But you've got to know what you're doing and one who does — and he has the awards to prove it — is my pal Brooks Wachtel. Brooks has written over a hundred hours of cartoons and, lucky you, he teaches Animation Writing class at UCLA Extension. According to the UCLA catalogue, it's a ten week course, focused on writing animation and television and the web, taking students though the entire process from springboard to outline to first draft to polish.

The next class starts shortly — and by that I mean that if you wanna take it, you only have a few days to sign up. Here's where you find out more and enroll. And not only will you get the safe expertise of a guy who's written a lot of popular programs but Brooks also brings in others in the field to offer their expertise and experience. One of them this semester might even be me.

It was probably destined that Dean Martin impersonator Tom Stevens would team up with Jerry Lewis impersonator Tony Lewis. They tour a lot — mostly in Australia, sometimes here in America — and bill themselves as the best Martin and Lewis impersonators working today.  I'm not sure they have a lot of competition for that honor at the moment but here they are. Judge for yourself…

Somewhere between 36% and 40% of Americans still tell pollsters they approve of the job Donald Trump is doing as Chief Exec. I have friends who gasp audibly at those numbers and ask, "What stupid, corrupt thing does that man have to do to lose those supporters?" and my theory is this: They don't approve of him. They can't be pleased that their guy utters/tweets so many stupid statements they must defend and has so many scandals closing in on him. I think it's that they just prefer him to any visible alternative. They approve of most of the agenda they think they're getting and see Trump as a hero for wresting control of the country away from people they abhor like Obama and Hillary.

But I'll bet most of them would rather have someone else giving them that agenda. They loved Trump when he was the guy slapping everyone else around…but now every morning, he's the one getting slapped, often by those close to him. It's getting harder and harder to argue that he's not unstable and that there's no evidence out there of criminal activity. Here are some articles worth reading…

• If you still believe Trump is honest and knows what he's doing, note that you disagree with an awful lot of folks who work closely with him. William Saletan explains.
• Republicans feel they have to come up with some kind of health insurance guarantee for people with pre-existing conditions. It polls way too well to not do that. But every single thing that would make that work is something they said was evil when it was part of Obamacare. So what's their solution? Guarantee that people with pre-existing conditions will be able to buy health insurance. Just don't guarantee that they'll be able to afford it. Jonathan Chait explains.
• Christian Right leaders love to lecture people about morality. They're very quick to condemn people who do not fit their standard for decency…unless, of course, that person might give them a fifth vote on the Supreme Court. Ed Kilgore has the story.
• A man named Ed Whelan runs the Ethics & Public Policy Center, a right-wing organization that now seems to have no ethics and at least one incredibly stupid policy. In his zeal to defend Brett Kavanaugh, Whelan floated a baseless theory that someone else had tried to rape Christine Ford — and with close to zero evidence, accused that someone else by name. Absolutely no one is buying the theory and Whelan has retracted it and apologized…but it's still one of the sleaziest and dumbest attacks ever attempted in politics. Rod Dreher will tell you more about it.
• Some supporters of Mr. Kavanaugh are arguing that even if he did drunkenly try to rape a woman when he was 17, he was a teenager and that mistake shouldn't be held against him for the rest of his life. That might be a valid subject for debate and I'm not sure which side I'd be on.  But those making it now are ignoring two points, one being that denying it now under oath (as Kavanaugh has) involves committing the current-day crime of perjury. Should a man who has just committed perjury be placed on the highest court in the land? Secondly, those making this argument are mostly of the mind that a 17-year-old who attempts to commit rape should be forgiven but a 17-year-old who commits the non-violent crime of selling drugs should go straight to friggin' prison for 20+ years and rot there. At least one Kavanaugh supporter — the author of this article — calls out the hypocrisy in holding both views.
• Hey, remember how Trump was going to get North Korea to denuclearize just because the two of them were buddies? As Fred Kaplan notes, that doesn't seem to be happening but we may be in for Trump trying to claim credit for making it happen when it doesn't. That's kind of Trump's style: You don't have to actually do the right thing for Puerto Rico if you can convince your supporters that you did.

Trump might get a bit of a break this coming week when most eyes will be on the sentencing hearing that may result in Bill Cosby wearing an orange "Hello, Friend!" shirt behind bars  and recording an album called To Spider, My Fellow Inmate, Whom I Slept With. But hey, that may be a good time for the White House to release some bad news they can no longer contain or to fire someone Donald wants out.

This is a little slide show and history on the Horn & Hardart Automats that used to exist in Manhattan. They were great places to eat and even greater places to take a kid. In the summer of 1959 when I was seven, my mother took me to New York City and we had lunch at an Automat. I don't remember where it was but I remember what I ate: A turkey sandwich on white bread, a dish of cooked carrots, a glass of milk and a slice of some very rich cake made with strawberries and whipped cream. I'm still coming down from a sugar rush from that cake.

By the next time I went to New York, which was in 1970, the Automats were close to extinct, though Horn & Hardart's operated a lot of little cafeterias. Our first night in New York, my friend Steve Sherman and I went to one for dinner and I had a quarter of a baked chicken that was swimming in grease with a mound of mashed potatoes. I have no idea how I remember that or why I am telling you.

Here's a few minutes about Automats. In case the piece doesn't make clear, these were not exactly vending machines. There was a wall of these little windows and on the other side of the wall was a kitchen were chefs made the items they would then place into the little windows for your selection…