A Fine Way to Spend an Afternoon

Bored? Stressed? Looking for something interesting and calming to do in your life? I've got just the answer for you: Call the Tech Support line for the Seagate Company. You know — the one that makes the hard disks? Tell them you have one of their disks and that it's malfunctioning but still under warranty. Ask them how you can reformat it when Windows 10 is telling you the disk cannot be formatted.

Rather than just tell you to ship it back to them — since that would save both of you time — a nice man will tell you, "Let me look that up" and he'll put you on hold for ten minutes. I'm not kidding: Ten minutes! During that time, you'll be listening to really bad hold music but there will be a certain amount of excitement during it. Every so often, a song will end and/or there will be little sounds that will make you think your Tech Support Guy is getting back on the line with you…

…but no! It's just a hilarious prank they're playing on you because then the bad hold music will resume. Finally, he'll come back on line and ask you a brief question about your computer or what's displayed on your screen. You answer him and then that's where the real fun begins because he then places you on hold again for another ten minutes!

And after that, he comes back, asks you another question and then puts you on hold for another ten minutes!

And after that, he comes back, asks you another question and then puts you on hold for another ten minutes!

And another ten minutes! And another ten minutes!

And here's the best part of the whole thing: During all these long waits, you get to hear the bad hold music and play the "Wait, I think he's coming back on the line! No, he isn't!" game, uninterrupted by those insulting messages other companies give you telling you how important your call is to them. At Seagate, they're way too honest to lie and tell you that your call is important to them.

Finally, when the guy's back from lunch (and maybe even dinner) and he speaks to you again, you can tell him you're fed up with this treatment. That's when you demand to speak to someone higher up in the company and with an audible grin of delight, he'll put you on hold again and that's it. Game over. You're done. They will leave you there for friggin'-ever.

Why do they do this? I think the way it works is that when you first get on with them, they look up the serial number of your product. This enables them to determine how long you have remaining on that warranty and they can then keep you on hold until it expires and they don't have to fix it at all. Boy, these computer companies are smart.