Unsafe Crackers

The Nabisco people have brought out a new line of crackers called Crisp & Thins.  They've slapped the Ritz name on them though the crackers themselves have no real connection to what we know of as Ritz crackers.  They've just learned that we're more likely to try a new product if we see it as some sort of an extension of an old, popular product.  They've also stretched the definition of "Oreo" to include almost anything new they bring out that is even vaguely chocolate.

I warn you not to try Ritz Crisp & Thins, not because they're bad but because if you do, you may never eat anything else.  God, they're addictive.  They are indeed crisp and they are indeed thin but you will be neither crisp nor thin if you get hooked on them. Take it from me as I am presently working to get unhooked.

They're made with a blend of potato and wheat and are kind of halfway between a potato crisp (the baked kind) and a cracker.  They come in four flavors, those four being Sea Salt, Cream Cheese & Onion, Bacon, and Salt & Vinegar.  I buy the Sea Salt kind as I'm not fond of Cream Cheese or Vinegar flavors.

I tried one bag of the Bacon and…well, I have a hunch that at some point, the following conversation transpired…

MARKETING GUY: We're about ready to launch our Crisp & Thins line.  How's that Bacon flavored variety coming?

TEST KITCHEN CHEF: Not so good, I'm afraid.  The best we've been able to do really doesn't taste anything like bacon.  In fact, they don't taste like anything in particular.

MARKETING GUY: Who gives a rat's ass?  The American people have demonstrated time and again that they'll buy anything that says "bacon" on it.  Hell, they convince themselves things taste like bacon when they don't.  You ever have turkey bacon?  Veggie bacon?  Imitation bacon bits?  We're putting out a Bacon flavor of the Crisp & Thins, no matter what!

Even those are better than many other chips or crackers but if I were you, I'd stick with the Sea Salt.  Or better still, don't get started on them at all.  I may buy more of the Bacon just because it'll help my new chemical dependency on Ritz Crisp & Thins to only have in my house a kind of them I don't like as much.