This is a series of articles I've written about writing, specifically about the problems faced by (a) the new writer who isn't selling enough work yet to make a living or (b) the older writer who isn't selling as much as they used to. To read other installments, click here.
Years ago, I knew a TV writer I'll call Ziggy…and to understand the story I'm about to tell you, you need to understand this: I have no idea how good a writer Ziggy was. I never read a script he wrote. I never saw a show he wrote. I have no opinion whatsoever as to the quality of his work.
Ziggy was, I think, the angriest person I ever met.
We were not good buddies. I couldn't imagine myself deliberately hanging around someone like that. But we kept being involved in projects and committees at the Writers Guild so for a few years there, I kept finding myself unpleasantly within griping range of Ziggy.
He griped. Constantly. I don't think I ever heard a sentence out of his mouth that was not in some way either about one particular topic or leading up to that particular topic.
That topic? I think he summed it up best when he said, as he often did in some form, "Why is there so much unmitigated shit on TV and no one's hiring me?
To him, that was the injustice of all time. The Spanish Inquisition, the Holocaust, the 9/11 attacks…mere misdemeanors compared to the fact that Ziggy wasn't working. A friend of mine told me — and I have no idea how he knew this — that Ziggy spent his evenings watching TV and screaming that this show was shit and that show was crap and those shows were both shit and crap…oh, and that TV Movie that was on last night? Why, that was shit, crap and an abomination.
Given the way he acted around me, I absolutely believe that. And let me remind you that I do not know for sure that he couldn't write better scripts than most of what was on television. I have a big hunch but I don't know for sure.
But on and on, he would carry about how almost everyone else's work stunk. Sometimes, there'd be a deep dive into conspiracy theories. Writer A couldn't possibly be getting hired so much on the merits of his work because there clearly were none. Ziggy had heard somewhere that Writer A was the drug supplier for some coked-up moron at the network so that's why they bought his shitty scripts.
Writer B got his shitty scripts bought because he had some sort of blackmail evidence on certain people in high places. Writer C was supplying hookers to certain producers. Several working writers — male and female — were only selling their crappy writing because they were sleeping with certain producers — male and female.
One time, he told me why he wasn't selling anything to CBS. He had a pitch meeting there once. The "executive" — Ziggy uttered the noun with the sarcastic quotes clearly audible — had not liked his idea. Ziggy immediately told the guy, "You're an idiot," which is always a wise thing to do. (Beginners: Make sure you promptly and loudly unleash your anger and insult anyone who's in a position to hire you.) The "exec" subsequently had Ziggy banned for life from ever working at CBS.
I asked him, "How do you know you were banned?" and he replied, as if it were self-evident, that no one at CBS would hire him or even return his calls. "What other reason could there be?"
Ziggy was on a number of Writers Guild committees and it seemed to me like he'd volunteered for two reasons. One was to meet more writers. That's simple networking. Some of those writers are or soon will be in positions to hire or recommend or tip you off to opportunities for work or maybe to a good agent. Ziggy did not have a good agent — all part of the conspiracy — and the ones he did have, he didn't have for very long.
Networking is not the stupidest thing in the world. It does work occasionally but I'll tell you in a moment why it probably didn't help Ziggy.
His second interest was in working to change some of the WGA working rules to make them more favorable to those who don't have access to those who hire. As long as I've been in the Guild — I joined on April Fool's Day of 1976 — I have seen members suggest and lobby for rules like "Any time a TV show gets an order for five or more episodes, they must let every writer in the Guild submit samples and give 50% of the script assignments to writers they've never hired before."
That was an actual proposal once, not from Ziggy but from another writer who was bitter about not being able to get on the other side of the line that divides working writers from the non-working. Those proposals almost never pass or come close to passing. A general bit of advice to writers who are frustrated by The System: It's a whole lot easier to sell something under The System than it is to change The System. And by "a whole lot," I mean like a million times easier.
So Ziggy got nowhere with his writing career and Ziggy got madder and madder…
…and every time I encountered him, I thought: I don't want to be in the same room with this guy — and neither would any sane producer. I mean, he was just so hostile and super-paranoid. One time in a committee meeting, he proposed something innocent and simple. I honestly don't remember what it was but it was as non-controversial as, "Hey, at the next committee meeting, why don't we have some bowls of potato chips?" Let's say it was that.
There was general unenthusiastic agreement — no one really cared that much about it — and then someone else said, "What about pretzels?"
Instantly, a look of unchecked rage came over Ziggy's face and he screamed, "WHAT WAS SO GODDAMNED WRONG WITH MY POTATO CHIP IDEA?"
Well, nothing. But you just know that when someone gets that emotional about potato chips versus pretzels, there's something else going on there. Imagine being in a creative meeting with that person and trying to discuss plot points or whether a line is funny or if a scene is working. If you were running a series, would you want to spend a lot of time around that guy?
In creative meetings, everyone has to feel free to throw out any idea, however stupid it might be. My rotten idea might trigger a good one in your mind. Sometimes, the way you find the right answer to a problem is that one or more people throw out dozens of ideas, many of which are rotten…and someone says, "Hey, wait a minute. That last one…that's not bad!" and then you all try to polish it to perfection. Collaboration involves being willing to let others modify your idea or to come up with a better one.
Even when you're not in a committee situation — if you write at home by yourself — there comes a time when your writing is going to be critiqued or edited or discussed by the producers or the network or the actors or someone. You need to know when to defend your work and that "when" isn't any time someone wants or suggests a change.
You furthermore need to make sure you're defending it because you honestly think you're in the right and not because your ego feels threatened or you have a latent anger at the person who just said, "This speech on page 9…I think there's a clearer, shorter way to say that." If you want to work with others, you have to make sure they want to work with you.
And if you're "networking," as Ziggy was often trying to do in WGA committees, you have to make sure that you don't broadcast the image of a screaming maniac filled with bile. Ziggy's basic problem was that he'd gotten himself trapped in a vicious circle…
- The longer he went without work, the madder he got.
- The madder he got, the less anyone wanted to give him work.
When you're stuck on one of those mobius strips, only you can break it. No one else is going to. You're the only one who can alter that pattern and if you don't do it, it's only going to get worse. Until then, you're like a guy who drinks heavily because he's depressed about his drinking problem.
I stopped working on Writers Guild committees after a while. One reason was that they were sucking up way too much of my time. Another was that I felt I'd put in more than enough hours and I had other responsibilities — to myself, to my work and to others close to me. And while those two reasons were and are sufficient on their own, there was a third: I was sick of being around people like Ziggy, who were unhappy about their careers and were using the Guild as a forum to vent and bitch about it.
That's just about all I have to say about Ziggy and I hope the lessons to be learned are obvious. When I started writing this piece, I realized I hadn't heard his name for a long time and I wondered if he was still alive and if so, if he ever got that chance to work more steadily and to show the world that he could outwrite anyone else working on TV.
IMDB seems to think he's still around but the most recent credit they have for him is for the screenplay of a movie I never heard of, and I can find no other information about it on IMDB or anywhere on the Internet. It may not have actually been made or it may be more like a student film…or something. The date on it is 2006. Ten years ago.
The last credit they list for him on something I've heard of and which apparently was produced is a shared credit on an episode of a short-lived TV crime series from the early-nineties. That's a long time to be screaming at your TV set.