Okay, now I'm starting to get pissed. As you may recall, I am perpetually plagued by unsolicited phone calls from people who want to sell me things. My being on the Do Not Call list means nothing to these people and no, it doesn't work for me to just not answer calls where the Caller I.D. doesn't display the name of someone I know.
I occasionally get calls that I would not want to miss. When my mother was in her last years, they were occasionally from her doctors or other parties concerning her health and there was no way to differentiate them when the phone rang. And one time not long ago, it was from a friend who was using a stranger's cell phone to call me about something urgent. I remember thinking, "I'm glad I answered that call." So I answer the phone when it rings…usually.
I do not like the sales calls and will never ever in a million years buy anything that way. Still, my dislike of them in no way diminishes their volume. Most come from folks repping Contractors and others involved in home repair and about half of those start with this script…
Hello, Mr. [My surname, mispronounced], this is [The caller's name] with [Name of company]. I spoke with you last May about possible improvements on your home and you were very nice to me then and you told me to call back about now. If you're ready now, I'd like to send one of our people out to give you a free estimate…
Depending on my mood at the time, I may call the person a liar or I may say something like, "Oh jeez, I'm sorry you didn't call back last month. I've got a crew here right now doing a hundred thousand dollars worth of home repair. You could have gotten the commission on it!" I have other things I say to them too but none of them involve letting their estimator come over.
A lot of those callers are pushing solar panels and want to explain to me how government tax credits will pay "most" of the cost. I usually tell them I don't use electricity — only flashlight batteries.
Not long ago, this group of merry contractor callers was joined by another industry that likes to phone me at ungodly hours. I am soon to turn 65 so various companies now want to sign me up for add-on programs for Medicare or for insurance plans that interface with my Medicare. These, of course, presume that there will still be Medicare next March…which is looking kinda iffy. Last I heard, Republicans want to repeal and replace it with a plan that will give you half-off on the walkers that are sold at Walgreens
But today, just about a half-hour ago, I got a new entrant in the "Let's Phone Mark and Annoy Him" Competition. So far, this is the most annoying of them all and I assume it keys off my approaching milestone age. A woman called representing some company with "Senior" in its name to offer me a package deal on "final expenses." In other words, plans for what's going to happen to my body when I die.
I was about to tell her, "I will welcome that moment because then these calls will stop" but then I realized: When my mother died four years ago, I switched her mailing address to mine. I receive all mail addressed to her and a lot of it relates to Medicare and insurance and other things that won't do her a whole lot of good these days. Some of it is even offers to handle her "final expenses," even though she was cremated in 2012.
So I guess these calls will go on for all eternity. In this country, death does not mean the end of someone trying to sell you something you don't need.