Horror of Horrors

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That's a photo of my friend Jewel Shepard. I would tell you how long I have known Jewel but you wouldn't believe it since it's more years than she looks to have lived on this planet. Let's just say it's been a while.

Jewel is an actress whose screen credits have included Hollywood Hot Tubs, Hollywood Hot Tubs 2, Party Camp, My Tutor, Zapped!, Caged Heat 2 and The Artist. That's right. She was in all those B-Movies and in The Artist, which won the Academy Award for Best Picture for 2011. She didn't have any lines in it but then neither did John Goodman. She was also in the cult classic horror film, The Return of the Living Dead.

She's done a couple of horror movies and these present a problem for me since I don't care for horror movies, especially the kind they make today with loads of blood and no Vincent Price. If you like 'em, fine. I don't. You probably eat cole slaw, too.

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Anyway, she has a new one out for which she's getting rave reviews (like this one and this one) and she's real proud of her role as a truly crazy lady.

The film is called slasher.com and it's about a couple that meets online and then they go on a date out into the isolated woods of Missouri. There, they rent a cabin from two insane people, one of whom is played by Jewel…and I don't know that much about what happens after that but it involves violence and blood and gore and it actually sounds a bit worse than any first date I ever went on.

As you might imagine from the notices she and it are receiving, Jewel is very proud of this film and she has asked me to mention it on my blog. Not having seen it — and not being up on the standards in this genre — I can't give it a recommendation other than to say if you like this kind of movie, this looks like one of the best. I did see enough of it to decide that Jewel is real good at playing a woman who should be locked up immediately, lest she murder, maim or vote Republican this November.

If it means anything to you, she never asked me to plug any of her other films, not even The Artist.

I'm not sure where you can see this movie except that it's being shown later this month at this horror convention. But it'll make the rounds so keep your eye peeled for it and for Jewel in it. She's always worth watching.