Someone who asked that I not use his name just sent me this simple question…
So I'm being sent to Las Vegas for work in a couple of months. I've never gone. Do you have any suggestions about what I should do while I'm there?
Well, it depends on what you'd like to do. I don't drink or smoke and years ago when I gave up card-counting at Blackjack, I gave up all gambling for good.
The advice I'd give to someone who has never really tried casino gambling and wants to is to, first and foremost, never gamble with money you're not prepared to lose and set a firm limit for every trip. Then pick one game and learn it well. A staggering amount of loot is lost by people who split tens in Blackjack or don't understand the different odds on different Video Poker machines.
Learn one game well, practice on your home computer where you're not risking anything, then go to the casino, play that game until you're ahead, then quit forever. If you play any game long enough, it will clean you out. That's what they're designed to do. The only way to win in Vegas is to get ahead, then quit while you're ahead.
This sometimes requires enormous will power. The temptation when you're up $500 is to say "I'll quit when I'm a thousand ahead" and then when you're a thousand ahead, you decide to make it two thousand. The casino staffs have many names for people who do this and none of them are flattering.
Don't let them call you one of those names. Really and truly quit when you're ahead by some amount that will buy you something nice. That's what I did. I didn't buy anything in particular with that money but I'm very glad I stopped when I did.
Apart from gambling, see a show or two. If you like Penn and Teller and they're playing there, you won't be disappointed in what they do. You can even meet one or the other on the way out.
There are many fine Cirque De Soleil shows in town. I haven't seen them all but of the ones I have seen, the one I like best is Mystere at Treasure Island. They've been announcing for about five years now that it was about to close but it hasn't. If you like something a bit more adult in terms of vulgar comedy (not nudity), I recommend Absinthe at Caesars Palace and I highly recommend not sitting in the front row. It's a troupe of great acrobats hosted by two folks who are very, very funny and one is very, very rude. David Copperfield more than lives up to his reputation and Rich Little and Wayne Newton do not.
Check this show guide before you go and pick something. If you feel like an afternoon show and you like magic, Mac King is funny and magical at Harrah's and while you're there, see if you can catch a free show by "Big Elvis" in the lounge. There are, alas, no more of the classic showgirl-decorated production spectacles in that town.
I don't do pools or spas. I do like to just wander around and look at people and things. Mandalay Bay has an aquarium-type exhibition called Shark Reef that was wonderful when I went through it about eight years ago. I don't do ziplines, ferris wheels or roller coasters but there are several of each to choose from if you do. If you don't mind crowds, an evening trip downtown to Fremont Street can be a lot of noisy fun.
For dining, you have to try at least one buffet and these days, they're all pretty good. There are a few that emphasize their low prices. They're fine. The ones that cost more are usually worth it if you can eat enough, though my fave all-you-can-eat place in Vegas is not a buffet. It's the Pampas Brazilian Steakhouse, a churrascaria located in the Miracle Mall that adjoins Planet Hollywood. Men stream to your table with skewers of superb meat, fish and fowl to carve onto your plate. When you've had enough, either ask for the dessert menu or the complimentary Gastric Bypass.
Most of my other info is outta date since in the last few years, I haven't been to Vegas as often as I used to go. I can tell you though that the best source of info on the touristy parts of it is The Las Vegas Advisor, which offers and news and reviews untainted by casino bribery (i.e., advertising).
Don't drink too much, don't spend too much, don't play Keno, don't accept any free offer which involves sitting through a sales pitch for a time-share apartment, don't be surprised that your hotel bill includes a hefty unexpected "resort fee," don't go outside much if the temperature is over 100°, don't play the slot machines at the airport and don't assume anyone in particular is or isn't a hooker. Have fun.