Monthly Archives: July 2016

The other day, I reran a 2010 post about a time I lost my American Express card. Here from July 18 of that year is another such tale. I have since managed to not lose my American Express card again, though once since then someone got its number and charged a whole mess of lingerie on it at a store in Las Vegas. The AmEx folks removed the charge when I assured them that (a) I had not been in Las Vegas on the date in question, (b) I never wear lingerie and (c) when I do, it's not in that color…

Last Thursday, I went to lunch with a wonderful, witty lady named Laraine Newman who has done many things above and beyond being part of the original cast of Saturday Night Live. I mean, that alone would be enough but there's been so much more.

We talked about mutual friends and our mutual birthday and we marvelled at how though it was a hundred-and-something degrees in Beverly Hills, Sylvester Stallone was dining at a nearby table wearing an apricot-colored three-piece suit. I've just completed my end of the second season of The Garfield Show, which includes the voice-directing, and I was fortunate to get Laraine to appear several times as a guest voice. What's fortunate about this is, of course, that I don't have to do any actual directing when I get someone like that. I just hand Laraine a script, point her at a microphone and tell her to be funny. She always is.

After we'd finished our meals, the check arrived in one of those little leatherette folders. We fought over it, I triumphed and I tossed my American Express card into the folder and a waiter took it away. Laraine and I talked for another hour or so…long enough that when we got up to go, neither of us noticed that our server had not brought it back to me for tip, total and signature.

Friday morning, I took my car in for routine servicing…and this dealership always makes me nervous because they always give me a "loaner" with, like, twelve miles on it. I don't like driving someone else's utterly pristine car and not just because I fear I'll scratch it, thereby taking its automotive virginity. I'm also afraid I'll enjoy the new car so much I'll want to buy one…which I guess is why they only assign out new loaners. Anyway, when I went to give the cashier my AmEx card to imprint for the security deposit, I discovered it was in absentia. It took about a minute to figure out I'd left it in that restaurant.

I cell-phoned them and a nice lady went away for what seemed like about six hours. Eventually, she returned to report that they'd searched the restaurant, high, low and in-between and they definitely did not have my American Express card. Sorry.

I waited fifteen minutes, called again and got someone else. This person went off, did a little search and came back in about two minutes to inform me that, yes, they had my American Express card. "I'll come by and get it later," I told her.

Later that afternoon, I drove the loaner (cautiously) to the restaurant. You may be interested to know that Sylvester Stallone wasn't there but Fabio was and I had to wait while they seated him. I don't know why he's more important than I am. Of the two of us, I'm the one who has a job.

The manager searched the restaurant like the first lady I'd called but eventually, he found the card, checked my i.d. and returned it to me. He thought I would take it and go but I said, "You know, I don't think I ever added a tip to the bill and signed it." This did not win me any points for honesty. It was more like, "You really are a troublemaker, aren't you?" Off he went to plow through all of the previous day's credit card slips. I waited there so long, I was sorry I'd said anything.

Finally, he came back with a slip and announced, "It's okay. You added a tip and signed the slip."

I looked at it and told him, "That's not my signature."

He gasped, "That is not your signature?"

I said, "That's not even my name." Someone else had added a tip (not a very good one) to the bill and signed their name to it. Fortunately, the confusion was only in the bills, not in the cards, and they hadn't given him my American Express card. Anyway, I added my endorsement and left.

On the way back, I stopped at the car dealership, turned in the unblemished loaner and went to pay for the work done on my auto. I opened my wallet, reached for the American Express card…

…and it wasn't there. Gone. Missing. Again. Second time in twenty-four hours.

My distress must have been pretty visible because the cashier asked me, "Something wrong, sir?"

"My American Express card," I said. "It's supposed to be here in my wallet but it has this habit of running off on its own. Excuse me, I have to call a restaurant and —"

She asked, "Have you looked in all your pockets?" I looked in my shirt pocket and there it was, hiding behind my iPhone. And I just went downstairs and looked and it's there in my wallet right this second. I've been checking every hour or so…

Thirty-three years ago, my pal David Jablin produced the first original movie on Showtime and it was also Danny DeVito's directorial debut. It was called The Ratings Game and it was written by two very funny men, Michael Barrie and Jim Mulholland.

It's all about a New Jersey trucking magnate who dreams of becoming a Hollywood hotshot…and finds that pathway when he discovers a way to rig the ratings. Mr. DeVito also starred along with his wife Rhea Pearlman, and the film also featured a number of performers who are better known today than they were then. It was pretty funny and it's about to get its first-ever release on DVD and Blu-Ray. Included also are deleted scenes and a "making of" featurette, several shorts that Danny also directed and probably some other goodies.

You can order a copy here and if you need more motivation, give a look at this trailer…

Sergio and I drove down here to San Diego yesterday in what I suspect will be the last decent daytime traffic on the 405 until the middle of September. The biggest impediment I encountered yesterday to me getting to where I wanted to go occurred at my hotel. I checked in, unpacked and took a walk to get some supplies. When I returned, men with that officious "Secret Service" look were mobllizing to get some Big Huge Important Celebrity into a suite on the same floor.

I never found out who it was. Look and see who the biggest star is who was there last night or this morning. It was probably that person. But all these serious men in serious suits were scurrying about, whispering into small walkie-talkies, concentrating on some voice in their earpieces and eyeing everyone around them as potential threats. The threats are not only to the biggie they were assigned to protect but also to their own careers as bodyguards.

I've seen this before. They're thinking that if someone — me, for instance — were to get close enough to the B.H.I.C. to say something like, "Hey, I've always enjoyed your work," the B.H.I.C. might instantly turn to his/her protectors and yell, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME FROM PEOPLE LIKE THIS!!!" and the bodyguard guys, having failed miserably in their assignment, would be expected to do the honorable thing and resign on the spot. If I were to go so far as to ask for an autograph, they'd wrestle me to the ground, taser me a few times and then quit in disgrace.

I recognize of course that B.H.I.C.s do sometimes face stalkers and other crazies and that they need protection. No question of that. I also recognize that a lot of this is just major league ass-kissing. The studio or someone sucks up to the star by putting on a big show of treating them like they're the most important person on the planet.

For obvious reasons, I will never be a B.H.I.C. If I were and I saw the fuss that was sometimes made on my behalf just to get me into a building, I think I'd be afraid people thought I was a large enough asshole to have demanded such treatment. I think I'd say, "Look, I'm not carrying the nuclear option codes here. You can probably get me into my hotel room with one smart assistant who knows the quickest way."

I'd definitely think that deploying a squadron of operatives in dark suits and sunglasses attracted way too much attention. Those advance men might as well have hauled out bullhorns and blared, "BIG STAR COMING IN! BIG STAR COMING IN!"

I'm reminded of a time I was in Las Vegas and a friend of mine and I were leaving an off-Strip restaurant that was known as a celebrity hangout. That's not why we went there, by the way. We went there because the food was good.

So we're standing there waiting for a cab and up come the men in dark suits, looking around every which way like they're expecting snipers. One of them commands us not to stand where we're standing. We have to stand fifty paces away — in a spot which is not where the cab we'd called would expect to find us.

My friend's name was Joelle and she asked the man, "Are you with the police?" He said no. She asked, "Do you work for the restaurant?" He said no. She asked what authority he had to order us to move. He said, as if this empowered him, "Private Security."

Just then, a gleaming black limo pulled up and the guy had to rush to attend to the man he was there to protect. It was Wayne Newton and he gave us a cheery wave and nod as he strolled past us into the restaurant. I turned to Joelle and said, "Wayne Newton was worried about being mobbed by fans?"

She said, "I've been working in this town for five years. He was probably worried that he wouldn't be."

Here are links to the schedules for programming at Comic-Con on Preview Night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday — in that order. And more importantly, here's the list of the panels I'm hosting…

Thursday, July 21 – 3:30 PM to 4:30 PM in Room 8
THE MARK, SERGIO, STAN AND TOM SHOW
This used to be the annual "Sergio and Mark Show" but we've changed the name to note that the adventures of Groo the Wanderer are brought to you not just by the award-winning team of Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier but also by Stan Sakai (the creator of Usagi Yojimbo) and the hardest-working man in comics, Tom Luth. They'll be discussing the new Groo mini-series – the first issue of which is debuting at the convention – and many upcoming projects. Some feature their silly barbarian, some don't. But it's always a treat to hear these brilliant guys, especially the tall one who wrote this panel description.

Thursday, July 22 – 5:00 PM to 6:00 PM in Room 9
CAPTAIN AMERICA 75th ANNIVERSARY
Created by cartoonists Joe Simon and Jack Kirby, Captain America has been wielding his shield, donning red, white, and blue, and fighting the good fight for 75 years. From Captain America Comics #1 to Captain America: Civil War, Steve Rogers has had a pretty decent 75 years, to say the least. Come celebrate "Cap" with Jim Simon (Son of Joe Simon) and Allen Bellman (artist, Captain America) all while being interviewed and questioned by former Kirby assistant, moderator Mark Evanier (author, Kirby: King of Comics).

Friday, July 22 – 12:30 PM to 1:30 PM in Room 8
WALT KELLY AND POGO
The greatest newspaper strip of all time? Some would call you that and even if you aren't one of them, you've gotta love the wit and whimsy of Walt Kelly's magnum opus, Pogo, now receiving its first ever complete reprinting in an Eisner-winning series from Fantagraphics Books. Let's remember this great artist with comic historian Maggie Thompson (Comic Buyer's Guide), film critic Leonard Maltin, historian Michael Barrier, cartoonist Scott Shaw!, Eric Reynolds (co-editor of the Complete Pogo series) and Moderator Mark Evanier (Groo the Wanderer).

Friday, July 22 – 3:00 PM to 4:00 PM in Room 4
SPOTLIGHT ON ALLEN BELLMAN
Before there was Marvel Comics, there was Timely Comics. Artist Allen Bellman was there, and now you can not only listen to his amazing stories and the history of Timely Comics but also participate in a fantastic Q&A. A short signing will follow. I'm moderating this.

Saturday, July 23 – 11:45 AM to 1 PM in Room 6BCF
QUICK DRAW!
It's still the fastest, funniest panel in the whole convention! Once again, your Quick Draw! Quizmaster Mark Evanier pits three super-speedy cartoonists against one another as they go mano a mano and Sharpie to Sharpie to create great cartoon art right before your very eyes. Competing this year are (as usual) Sergio Aragonés (MAD Magazine, Groo the Wanderer) and Scott Shaw! (The Simpsons) and they're joined this year by Keith Knight (The K Chronicles) plus a couple of surprising surprises!

Saturday, July 23 – 1:00 PM to 2:30 PM in Room 6BCF
CARTOON VOICES I
Each year, Moderator Mark Evanier gathers together a bevy of the most talented cartoon voice actors working today and invites them to explain and demonstrate their artistry! This year's lineup includes Phil LaMarr (Samurai Jack, Futurama), Brian T. Delaney (MAD, Halo 5: Guardians), Georgie Kidder (Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Goldie and Bear), Gregg Berger (The Garfield Show, Transformers), Julianne Buescher (The Muppets, Sid the Science Kid) and Jim Meskimen (Avengers Assemble, MAD).

Saturday, July 23 – 4:30 PM to 6:00 PM in Room 5AB
THAT 70'S PANEL
It was a time of change in comics with a new generation intermingling with the old and taking command. Hear what it was like from Howard Chaykin (American Flagg, Black Kiss), Paul Gulacy (Master of Kung Fu, Sabre), Elliott S! Maggin (Superman, Green Arrow), Marv Wolfman (Tomb of Dracula, The New Teen Titans), probably one other person and Moderator Mark Evanier (Groo the Wanderer, Blackhawk).

Sunday, July 24 – 10:00 AM to 11:15 PM in Room 5AB
THE ANNUAL JACK KIRBY TRIBUTE PANEL
Each year, we set aside time to talk about Comic-Con's first superstar guest and the man they call The King of the Comics, Jack Kirby. Jack left us in 1994 but his influence on comics, film and this convention has never been greater. Discussing the man and his work this year are Kevin Eastman (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Kirby biographer Ray Wyman, Jr., Scott Dunbier, (Director of Special Projects for IDW Publishing) and attorney Paul S. Levine. Naturally, it's moderated by former Kirby assistant Mark Evanier.

Sunday, July 24 – 11:30 AM to 12:45 PM in Room 6A
CARTOON VOICES II
Yesterday's Cartoon Voices Panel will have been such a hit that we'll have to do another one with different but equally talented actors from the world of animation voicing. Once again, Moderator Mark Evanier has assembled an all-star dais that will include Dee Bradley Baker (Phineas and Ferb, Family Guy) Vicki Lewis (Rugrats, Finding Nemo), Fred Tatasciore (The Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H., Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness), Trevor Devall (Guardians of the Galaxy, Kid vs. Kat) and Debi Derryberry (Monster High, F is for Family) and maybe someone else.

Sunday, July 24 – 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM in Room 25ABC
COVER STORY: THE ART OF THE COVER
What does it take to make a great cover for a comic book? Let's ask four of the top artists…all folks who've created some of the best. Come hear the "shop talk" of Jonathan Case (Batman '66, The New Deal), Howard Chaykin (American Flagg, Black Kiss), Babs Tarr (Batgirl, Sailor Moon), Paul Gulacy (Sabre, Master of Kung Fu) and Scott Shaw! (Captain Carrot, The Simpsons). Moderated by Mark Evanier.

Sunday, July 24 – 3:00 PM to 4:30 PM in Room 25ABC
THE BUSINESS OF CARTOON VOICES
Interested in a career doing voices for animation and videogames? There are plenty of people around who'll take your money and tell you how to go about it…but here's 90 minutes of absolutely free advice from folks who work in the field. Come hear cartoon voice actors Dee Bradley Baker and Debi Derryberry, talent agent Paul Doherty (Cunningham-Escott-Slevin-Doherty) and your moderator, voice director Mark Evanier (The Garfield Show).

As always: Times, room assignments and panel participants are subject to change. Get to the rooms early because many of them "sell out." (A lot of folks check to see if there are seats available in the panel that's in the room before the one they want to see. If there are, they go in and squat.)

A while back, I posted a link to Part One of a video essay on the impact of David Letterman's retirement on the folks who worked with him. Part Two hadn't been posted then but it has now.

Here's a long interview/profile of Stephen Colbert, discussing where his show is right now. Where he is right now is that his show is profitable but not as much as CBS was hoping it would be.

From my vantage point as a viewer, it's an increasing disappointment, though this week there are moments that remind you how good he can/could be. Last night, there was a great opening with Laura Benanti expertly playing Melania Trump and a good spot with Keegan-Michael Key. Still, I got the sense that once he doesn't have the Republican Convention (or next week, the Democratic one) to talk about, it'll be back to "So, tell me about this new movie you have opening this weekend."

The article alludes to the rumor that CBS wants to flip the time slots of James Corden's show and Colbert's. I really, really doubt this will happen. Some folks discussing this possibility seem to not take into account that Colbert almost certainly has time slot protection in his contract…a clause that says his show will air at 11:35. That's very standard for talk show hosts these days and Colbert's agent also represents Jimmy Kimmel and I think a few others. Much of the mess with the Conan O'Brien Tonight Show came about because O'Brien's agents had neglected to secure that for him, leaving NBC the option of shifting him to a later time. No agent or lawyer who represents a late night host will ever make that mistake again.

That doesn't mean that CBS couldn't propose it to Colbert but I would think he'd say no and they'd have to leave him right where he is or cancel him. I doubt they're ready to take that drastic step.

Stephen Sondheim discussing lyric writing. What the hell does he know about it? (Thanks to James Troutman for the link.)

The very witty Merrill Markoe is covering the Republican Convention. Here's her report on Day One.

Garry Marshall was a great writer, producer, director and actor. (Actor, you say? Yeah. His scenes as the hapless casino host opposite Albert Brooks in Lost in America are about as perfect as comedy scenes get.) His credits in the other categories are equally impressive, starting with all the scripts he penned for sitcoms in the sixties with his longtime partner, Jerry Belson. Their scripts for The Dick Van Dyke Show alone were legendary.

Obits like this one will tell you what else he did but they don't all mention the long, long list of top writers, actors and directors (and other professions) who got their start — or a job when no one else would hire them — on a Garry Marshall production. I could list twenty-five just among my friends. And I may be missing one exception but as I'm sitting here writing this, I can't think of one who ever had an unkind word to say about the man himself. That is not true of very many people who hired that many people.

I never worked for Garry but I ran into him all the time. We had the same doctor, the same favorite restaurant for lunch in Burbank (this place) and a lot of mutual friends. Garry loved it when people knew all he'd done, not just Happy Days or Laverne & Shirley or Pretty Woman or any of his biggest or most recent hits. So I'd ask him, "Hey, are you one of the guys responsible for Hey, Landlord or Evil Roy Slade and he'd laugh and tell me something about it.

One time, I asked him about The Joey Bishop Show — the 1961-1965 sitcom, not the subsequent talk show. Garry had not enjoyed the experience and he told me a story. I don't know if it was an episode that he and his partner wrote but there was one where Joey played a dual role — a twin brother or cousin or something. Garry said Joey started complaining because the other character was getting all the good jokes. I laughed (of course) and he said, "You know, I hated that show but it was worth it just to get that anecdote." Spoken like a true comedy writer.

• I knew Garry Marshall just well enough to think he'd laugh at a joke that the cause of his death was seeing Chachi endorse Donald Trump.

• Apparently, Trump's plan for job growth is that Hillary is crooked. That's also his plan for defense, the environment and healthcare.

• I'm going to tune in the convention tonight to hear Trump's kids give Sasha's and Malia's speeches.

I liked but did not love the first night of Stephen Colbert's "live" shows to tie in with the Republican Convention. I put "live" in quotes because most of the major comedy bits were pre-recorded.

The show briefly had a sense of immediacy and difference but then suddenly, he was interviewing Zoe Saldana about how great it was to be a part of Star Trek and we were watching every other talk show in the world. If we want that, Stephen, we can watch Jimmy Fallon.

The appearance by Jon Stewart was brief, pre-taped and not particularly special. Then Colbert resurrected his character from Comedy Central and there was some life in the show, though I wonder if everyone understood the transition from one Stephen Colbert to the other and back. A few weeks ago, Colbert changed to black frame eyeglasses and I wonder if that was to create more of a difference when he switched between his (now) normal identity and the right-wing guy with the wire frames.

They had to write much of the monologue just before the show and they did a good enough job at that, and early returns show they soared in the ratings. So maybe we'll see more risk-tasking and less, "Tell us about your this film you have opening Friday."

Here's a blast from this weblog's past — a post I posted on July 17, 2010. I don't have much to add except that the Benihana's on La Cienega is no longer there. I don't know why. It was way overpriced and usually very crowded. What more does a restaurant have to be to stay in business?

I like Benihana's anyway. A few decades ago, Sergio and I were at a comic convention in Texas and there was a Benihana's next to the hotel. A lovely man named Archie Goodwin, who bounced back and forth between editing from DC and editing for Marvel, took us to dinner there on whichever company's expense account he was then on.

Our chef came in and began cooking the shrimp and the chicken and making the fried rice and constructing the volcano out of onion slices…and Sergio, who is quite the chef himself, started asking questions about how he held the knife and how he drizzled the lemon juice and such. The chef was thrilled to demonstrate and to teach Sergio. He got him up and showed him the moves…and before we knew it, Sergio was preparing our meals under the chef's direction. He did a fine job but to date, he's resisted my suggestion that he dump that silly cartooning career and go cook Teriyaki Steak for a living.

Anyway, here's the story of something that happened to me once in a Benihana's that ain't there no more…

Credit cards are like children: You have to keep an eye on them because they have a tendency to wander away and thus cause you trouble. I don't have any children but my American Express card likes to go off on its own and I thought I'd share two of many anecdotes here — one today, another tomorrow. Today's took place about twenty-five years ago. I had lunch with a business associate at the little trattoria that Sonny Bono used to own over on Melrose near La Cienega. When the check came, I gave the server my AmEx card and he took it away to imprint as they usually do.

A bit later, he brought me a slip to sign, along with what I assumed was my card. It wasn't. It was somebody else's American Express card of the same color. In fact, it was also this other person's slip but I didn't notice that, either. I added a tip to the bill, totalled it, signed and slipped the AmEx card into the slot in my wallet where I always carried mine. At another table at Bono's, another gent did likewise with my bill and my credit card. Sonny was actually there at the time running things and while I have no proof that he personally got the cards confused, I like to tell people that he did. I mean, it was my fault for not noticing but why accept responsibility for anything if you can blame it on Sonny Bono?

For five days, I went about my business, using what I thought was my American Express card. I didn't notice and none of the stores where I used it noticed that my name was not on it. I charged about $500 worth of goods and services to someone else's American Express card. In the meantime, a total stranger was charging about $1800 to mine, equally unaware of the swap. Aren't businesses supposed to verify in some way that the credit card you hand them is actually yours? Apparently, not the kind of businesses I patronize.

Finally, I noticed. It was in the Benihana's on La Cienega. They brought me my check. I gave them someone else's card. They imprinted the card on the bill and brought it all back to me. I saw it was not my card and told them they'd made an error. Much searching and discussion ensued, and the Manager assured me that no one else there had concurrently used an American Express card and they could not possibly have caused a swap. "We returned to you the credit card you gave us, sir," he said.

I dug into my pocket and found an AmEx receipt from another purchase earlier that day. Sure enough, it was to the alien credit card I'd given them. Uh-oh.

Back home, I sorted my recent receipts into chronological order and figured out where the mix-up occurred. Fortunately, the name on the other card was a unique one and it was findable in the telephone book. I called the gentleman up and asked him if he'd eaten in Bono's the previous Tuesday. He said he had. I asked if he had his American Express card. He said, "Sure." I asked him to go and take another look at it. Puzzled, he went away and came back to the phone to ask, "Who's Mark Evanier?" Well, actually, he pronounced it "Even-nyer" but I'm used to that. I explained to him what had happened and he asked me, "Well, what do we do now?"

I told him we could either call American Express and have them cancel the cards and sort everything out or we could gather up our recent receipts and get together. Within the hour, he was at the table in my kitchen with his recent receipts. He was quite bemused by it all and eager to get it straightened out, the only unpleasantness coming when he looked at our respective receipts from Bono's and noted that he was a much better tipper with my credit card than I was with his.

We did the math and it turned out he owed me around $1300, mostly because of travel arrangements he'd put on his my card. He gave me a check for that amount, our credit cards went back to their rightful possessors and it was all over…except that I had to explain to my accountant several times why I'd bought a total stranger tickets to Disney World.

Moral of the story: Always know where your credit cards are. The other day, I didn't follow my own advice. I will tell you that tale tomorrow. Sonny Bono, being deceased, is not involved but the story does feature brief cameo appearances by Laraine Newman, Sylvester Stallone and Fabio.

I had a busy yesterday so I didn't get to post much and I didn't get to watch much of the Republican Convention. When I did, I was struck by how much of it was about what Mr. Colbert dubbed "truthiness" — what you feel is true as opposed to what the facts and data show is true. Yeah, there are stats out there that show crime is down but in your heart, you know you could be murdered at any second so we've got to do something.

And in your heart, you know Obama is a Muslim and Hillary murdered those men at Benghazi and Donald Trump is a proven leader even though he's never proven it. A lot of it is Climate Change Denial extended to everything with a factual basis. I don't want it to be true so it isn't.

Another message I noticed, not so much in the speeches but in Chris Matthews' laughable attempts to get Republican spinners to answer the questions he was asking, is this: If you disagree with Donald Trump on anything, you're unfit to hold public office. Unless you're Mike Pence.

Meanwhile, I continue to prep for Comic-Con — a process which in the last few days has been interrupted by a surprising number of folks who want to know if I can help them get a panel or some other event into the programming. I had to tell those folks they're more than two months too late. The schedule has been printed, people…and all the slots were assigned in the early part of May.

Posting may be light or filled with reruns for the next week or so. I trust you understand.