That's right, kids! It's your ol' pal Mark with another episode in his series about the life of a writer…especially the times when no one seems to want what he or she is writing. Part 1 can be read here, Part 2 can be read here, Part 3 can be read here, Part 4 can be read here, Part 5 can be read here, Part 6 can be read here, Part 7 can be read here, Part 8 can be read here and Part 9 can be read here. Part 10 goes something like this…
One of those folks who wanted their question answered but not their name mentioned wrote…
Thank you for the series on Rejection, especially when you veer into talking about acting, which is what I do. A lot of what you write about writing is applicable to me and my world. In my case, my problem is a growing, sometimes irrational anger at the people who do the hiring and casting. They expect great competence from those of us who audition but I see little competence on their end, especially when it comes to informing us what the hell it is that they want. As you say, I often walk out of auditions and interviews with no friggin' clue what just happened. I don't know if I did well or I did bad because I don't know what I was supposed to show them.
I know you're not an expert at anger management but can you give me any pointers on what to do about the rage I sometimes feel at these situations and at the people who decide who gets to work on the stage and who has to go back to their day job at Olive Garden?
Well, the first thing of course — and I'll bet you know this — is to not direct that rage at the people you hope are going to hire you. Some of what happens in an audition is about whether you can act. Some of it is about whether you fit the part…and it's very important to remember that they may decide you're a terrific actor but not the one for this particular role. And some of it is to determine whether you're someone they can work with. It is totally possible to qualify on the first two counts but because you come across like a jerk or a troubled or angry person in the interview, you get disqualified or downgraded.
It is also important to remember that in any hiring situation, the folks with the power set the rules. If you were Tom Hanks and they really needed you to get their movie made or make it successful, you could expect them to prove their competence to you. Since you need them more than they need you, they don't have to be competent. They just have to hire you.
All that said, I think it's important in this world to not conflate all your problems into one big, steaming resentment. Try not to think of any given acting job as more than one acting job. And you writers, don't think of any particular writing job as more than one writing job. It might be more than just that but the more you inflate it, the more you're setting yourself up for disappointment if you don't get it. Heck, you may even be disappointed if you do get it and all it turns out to be is the one job with none of the subsequent, presumed benefits.
We all have a tendency to fantasize. You're up for a situation that could, just maybe, change your life. Maybe it's a sitcom pilot and you get it and if it turns out to be the next Seinfeld or Big Bang Theory, it's going to lead to a lot of money and other offers. So you commence imagining all the many ways in which it might do that. When I started out, I sometimes thought that way and it was the wrong way to approach it. I learned to think of it in what was for me the right way: I'm up for one job…and all it might be is one job.
And if you think of it as one job, then the worst that can happen is that you didn't get one job.
The dangerous thing to do, I think, is to think like this: Oh, if I get this then they'll hire me again and again and others will want to hire me and I'll make a ton of money and my parents will finally get off my case to find another profession and my mate will stop nagging me about my income and I'll be able to afford to get my teeth fixed and I'll have health insurance and maybe I can get a new car before the clunker I'm driving falls apart and I'll have better self-esteem so I won't feel so bad about myself at times and maybe I'll get some awards and that will be even better for my self-esteem and maybe I'll even attract some real attractive members of the opposite sex (or the same one if that's applicable) and I'll have a great life…
And yes, there are writers and actors and others who think like that. Then when they don't get it or they do and the project fails, something within them feels they've lost millions of dollars that were never really there, that new car they never really had, the awards they were never really up for, etc. It increases the sense of loss exponentially.
Why do that to yourself? More importantly, why do that to yourself when the hiring/selection process is so capricious and controlled by so many factors that have nothing to do with you?
I know this is easy to say, not so easy to do but you oughta consider trying it anyway. Just think of any one opportunity as one opportunity and nothing more…because that's all it may be. Even if you get it, it might not lead to anything else. And if you get it and it does segue into a regular gig or kickstart some real career momentum, great. You can be happily surprised. Isn't that better than being (unnecessarily) way more disappointed than you need to be?