Golden Statues

Here's a summary of Oscar predictions. I don't really have many, other than that Chris Rock will do a lot of jokes about the absence of black nominees and a few solid slams at Donald Trump. Maybe Rock will come out in whiteface or something.

At some point, there will be some stunt that is designed to drive traffic to the Internet in a measurable way. And I'd give 50-50 odds of someone on stage getting attacked by a guy in a bear suit.

Someone will probably give some wildly-exaggerated estimate of how many people watch the Academy Awards. The number constantly grows and will soon be greater than the number of people on Earth.

Several people will be outraged at the omission of several people from the "In Memoriam" reel.

A few winners will thank their agents and maybe Jesus Christ (surely in that order) and at least one will take a shot at Trump and/or give a shout-out to Bernie Sanders.

Following the ceremony, many people will write articles about why certain votes went the way they did. These articles will be based on the assumption that (a) everyone in Hollywood votes and (b) they all vote the way they did for the same reasons. Be especially wary of any statement that begins, "This is Hollywood's way of sending a message that…" Most people in Hollywood don't vote and there's no way of knowing why the ones who do vote make the choices they make.

I'll TiVo it and start watching at least an hour after it starts with my finger on the Skip Ahead button. And no matter how good it is, everyone will say the next day that it was The Worst Oscar Telecast ever. Which it won't be but everyone always says that.