Veteran comedian Jack Carter has died from respiratory failure at the age of 93. He had an amazing career and made many, many people laugh but I'm afraid I was not among those many, many people. There was something very abrasive and frantic about his performing that rubbed me the wrong way. He always seemed to me angry and not angry the way Don Rickles is funny when he's angry or Lewis Black is funny when he's angry.
I felt this before the first time I met him, which is when he was called in to do a voice on a cartoon special I wrote in 1982 called Bunnicula. It's on YouTube and it did great in the ratings…but I wasn't happy with the way the network insisted I depart from the book on which it was based. That's another story.
The plot concerns a serious dog and a high-strung cat and we initially cast an actor named Joe Silver as the dog and Howard Morris as the cat. At darn near the last minute, Mr. Silver had to go shoot an additional scene for a movie he was in and the producer was trying to think of someone with a similar deep voice. He turned on the TV and a game show was on with Jack Carter on it. One phone call to an agent later, Mr. Carter was booked.
It seemed like a good selection but as we learned the next morning at the recording studio, there were no two people in show business who hated one another more than Jack Carter and Howie Morris. I have no idea of the backstory to their feud but when Jack walked in and saw Howie, he turned magenta and yelled, "I'm not spending two minutes in a studio with that prick!" Howie fired back with something equally complimentary and the battle was on. Since they were both professionals, they did their jobs but every time one of them screwed up a line, the other would say, "Get it right, moron" or caustic words to that effect…and during breaks, they got even nastier.
I was not the director of that session. I had a more important job. I had to keep our two stars from killing each other.
Somehow, we got through the day. Later on, I got to know Howie better and discovered what a wonderful, sweet man he was when Jack Carter (or five or six other people) were not on the premises. I ran into Jack Carter several times and saw no nicer side of him for a long time.
One time though, he told me and some others a joke that went roughly like this…
This fellow who's never made a movie before announces to all his friends that he's about to produce one. He says, "It'll be great! We got Simon to do the screenplay!" His friends are all impressed. They say, "You got Neil Simon to do the screenplay?" He says, "Well, no…this is Charlie Simon. He's my gardener but he types really well. Oh — and I got Sondheim to do the music!" His friends gasp and say, "You got Stephen Sondheim to do the music?" He says, "No, Bruce Sondheim. He's a butcher but he likes to make up little tunes as he cuts meat. Oh — and we got Spielberg to direct!" The friends say, "You got Steven Spielberg?" He says, "No, Agnes Spielberg. She's a neighbor but she's done some interesting things with her camera. And finally, to star in the film, we got Goulet!" His friends say, "Really? You got Robert Goulet?" And he says, "Certainly!"
That's the joke — and of course, the premise of it was that Robert Goulet was famous in the business for never saying no to anything.
Less than a year later, I was in Las Vegas. A comedian I knew was opening for Robert Goulet at the Desert Inn and when I went backstage to see my friend, we joined a small group of folks who were in Goulet's dressing room. There, I heard Robert Goulet tell the exact same joke except that in his version, the punchline was, "Really? You got Jack Carter? And he says, "Certainly!"
I remember thinking, "It works either way."
Most of the time when I encountered Jack Carter though, he wasn't telling jokes. It always went like this: I'd say hello, remind him of my name and tell him we'd worked together on that Bunnicula cartoon. He'd ask me what I was doing now. I'd tell him about the show I was working on. He'd say, like he was genuinely pissed, "Why haven't you written a part for me on it?" Discussion was not possible on any other topic. If I wasn't going to get him hired for something, he had no use for me.
I ran into him a number of times after that and I'd look the other way and make like I didn't recognize him. I absolutely respected his career and how hard he obviously worked to cut himself away from a herd of thousands of comedians who never gained his fame or stature. I just didn't like him on or off screen.
Then one night around ten years ago, I was in the Porterhouse Bistro on Wilshire Boulevard — a great restaurant that is no longer there — and I found myself waiting for someone, standing alongside Jack Carter. He seemed cheerful and was joking with the hostess so I took a chance and said hello. He was charming and friendly and I don't know if old age had changed him or if our previous encounters had been atypical but it was a very pleasant encounter. I was very glad I gambled and spoke to him.
A few years later — in 2009 — Mr. Carter experienced an awful tragedy. He was standing in the parking lot of the Pantages Theater in Hollywood, talking with Toni Murray, the widow of comedian Jan Murray. A driver who somehow didn't see them backed her car into the two of them. Carter suffered severe injuries that kept him pretty much confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Ms. Murray's injuries were worse and ultimately fatal. A very sad story.
The last time I saw Jack Carter, it was a little over a year ago in a Costco. I told that story here.
Like I said, he had a great career and a lot of fans. We've lost so many comedians from his era that I'm saddened even at the passing of one I didn't particularly like.
Oddly enough, Jack Carter is in the video clip I'd planned on posting later tonight. As a matter of fact, he's pretty good in it. Check back here later for it.
