Monthly Archives: August 2015

Allan Sherman sings his biggest hit and then one of his more obscure song parodies on Perry Como's Kraft Music Hall show. This is from October 3, 1963.

This is for those of you who are worried that Donald Trump could be our next president. Nate Silver once again explains why that ain't gonna happen. For one thing, it's a long time 'til the election and for another, lots of people have been this far ahead at this stage of the game and have not come close to winning their party's nomination.

I have friends who understand all this but have some inexplicable fear that maybe the election is tomorrow and we don't know it…or something. It may be a while before Trump crashes — people are enjoying the show right now — but crash he will. I think he'll look especially vulnerable when we get to some actual voting, he finishes in fourth place in some primary and his opponents can start throwing his own "loser" insult back at him. That's when I think he'll squirm away…and feel like he got what he wanted because of how much he's expanded his name recognition.

In other election news: Kevin Drum is trying to figure out what the hell Scott Walker was talking about in the debate when he explained why he can oppose abortion even when it's deemed necessary to save the life of the mother…

I've said many a time that that unborn child can be protected, and there are many other alternatives that can also protect the life of that mother. That's been consistently proven.

Well, no, it hasn't. I think this is one of those times when a candidate adopts a position, the science indicates the position is impractical and not as simple and clear-cut as the candidate makes it out to be…and the candidate deals with that by making up his own science.

It's like when Dan Quayle said that a woman who gets pregnant via rape doesn't have to have an abortion to terminate that pregnancy. She can have doctors do Dilatation and Curettage…which is, of course, a form of abortion. But some voters just want their candidates to have an answer and it doesn't necessarily have to be the right one.

Here's a great gallery of photos shot on movie sets and locations. Turn the captions off and see how many you can identify.

Cookie Monster in "Jurassic Cookie." Just click and watch…

Stephen Colbert talks about the little surprise speech he made on the last Daily Show with Jon Stewart and about that group hug that I wrote about.

Peter Beinart on "The Surge Fallacy" and how certain folks are trying to rewrite the history of the Iraq War to spare themselves some humiliation and to urge America to make most of the same mistakes again.

There's a battle going on between Uber and the entire taxi industry. The taxi companies don't like the competition and are pursuing all sorts of legal strategies to ban or restrict Uber from cutting into their business. While in San Diego for Comic-Con this year, a bunch of us were in a taxi and the driver delivered a tirade about how terrible Uber was. Some of it was about "amateur, untrained drivers." A lot of it was about how he's saddled with permit costs and higher insurance costs and all sorts of other expenses that make it too easy for Uber to undercut him.

He was railing about "Uber drivers who don't know their way around" when he suddenly realized that he was taking us the wrong way to our destination. A street was barricaded because of some convention-related event so he had to let us off six blocks from where we were going. I can't say for sure but I think an Uber driver would have known about that. (I immediately went onto Waze, a GPS app on my iPhone that's good at tracking that kind of thing. The barricade was indicated there. A good percentage of the Uber drivers I've had supplement the Uber GPS with Waze, often having two Smartphones in their vehicle.)

I am not against cab companies. I generally like cabs…though I do have a few horror stories. (And the very next cab driver I had in San Diego tried the old trick of not turning on his meter so he could collect the fare and not share it with his company.) I've usually though had good experiences in cabs but I must say this: The taxi industry has only itself to blame for the rise of "ride-sharing" services like Uber and Lyft. The cab companies have let the experience of taking a cab somewhere become old-fashioned and needlessly cumbersome.

It might help this explanation if I list some of the ways in which I think Uber is better than Cabs and ways in which I think the opposite…

I can order an Uber car on my Smartphone and one is usually here in under five minutes, well below the average with taxicabs. Not only that but I can look and see where they are and how far my driver is from me, and once I'm in the cab, how far we are from our destination, etc. There are apps via which one can summon a cab but since there's one Uber and lots of cab companies, the apps aren't as impressive. Advantage: UBER

On the other hand, you can't phone Uber to summon one of their drivers or explain things if your order involves anything more than an address. Also, it's sometimes not enough to just give an address. I once wanted to call an Uber to take me home from the Sportsmen's Lodge out in the Valley. I could tell Uber the address of the Sportsmen's Lodge but I couldn't tell them which of about six different places there I'd be waiting. It's the same address for the hotel as it is for the restaurant as it is for the banquet hall, etc. In this case, I solved my problem by walking across the street to a Ralphs market and giving Uber that address. Advantage: CABS

I've taken somewhere between 40 and 50 Uber trips. Every car I've been in has been relatively new (often very new) and immaculate. Every driver has been friendly and I've only had one less than stellar driver — a fellow who refused to listen to my directions, followed his GPS instead and wound up taking me to my destination via a non-direct route. I've been in some pretty ratty cabs and had some very rude or (worse) non-communicative drivers. This may be just my own experience but if I weighed my last 40 Uber rides against my last 40 cab rides, it's no contest. The Uber vehicles and the drivers were much, much nicer. Advantage: UBER

On the other hand, Uber drivers are for the most part, part-timers and new to the profession. I've had cab drivers with no experience or commitment to driving but not as many. On a simple, by-the-book drive, the difference may not matter but if the GPS is out or wrong, the cab driver is more likely to be able to get you there. In unusual situations, experience can really have a value so I'm going to say: Advantage: CABS

Credit cards in cabs are a hassle and often, drivers won't take you if you intend to use one. So when I take a cab, I have to worry about having cash in proper denominations. At least twice in the last decade, the fare has been, say, $7.00 and I had a twenty and a driver with insufficient change. I didn't want to tip thirteen dollars so the driver had to drive us someplace where he could go in and break my twenty. In an Uber car, I don't fuss with cash at all except to tip. Uber has a credit card of mine on file and the fare is billed automatically which makes it easier for me to pay and easier for me to track travel expenses for tax purposes. Big Advantage: UBER

Uber is generally cheaper. Advantage: UBER

But not always. Uber does "surge" pricing, multiplying its fees during peak hours. Once, I took an Uber somewhere and the trip cost me $10.00. When I was ready to return, a "surge" was on and the cost was multiplied by 2.5; ergo, $25.00. While a ride in either can skyrocket due to traffic, the base prices on cab rides don't change unexpectedly on you. Advantage: CABS

And they're probably right that Uber drivers aren't as well insured as cabs. If I'm ever in an accident, that might matter a lot. Advantage: CABS

I suppose I could think of others but I'm not really trying to get to a point of declaring one much better than the other. My thesis here is that if cabs want to beat Uber…well, they may be able to do it via legal pressures but if they really want to triumph — and maybe to get more people to take cabs — they need to become more like them.

When I go to the doctor who fixes my knees, I take an Uber car. Unless I hit "surge" pricing, it's five bucks each way and it doesn't take much longer than it would for me to drive there and park. It's also not that much more expensive since parking at the doctor's office is seven dollars and the lot is rough to get in and out of. I tip my two Uber drivers each a buck so it costs me five bucks (minus whatever I save on gas) more to Uber there and back than if I drove and it's so much easier.

I am not taking Uber because it's cheaper since sometimes, when I least expect, it isn't. I'm taking it because it's easier and more efficient. The cab companies should be scrambling to come up with an all-company app that will let me see where drivers are and to summon the nearest one with one click and to have the cost of the ride billed to my AmEx card. They should be embracing GPS systems, especially the kind which continually update with current hazards and closures.

If you can't beat 'em, learn from 'em.

I asked here what Comedy Central was going to air in the Daily Show timeslot between now and September 28 when Trevor Noah debuts as host. I got my answer from a friend at the network there…

No guest hosts, no new shows at all. They're going to mix Jon Stewart reruns with old standup specials and other special programming. There was a rumor they were going to move Larry Wilmore up to 11:00 for a few weeks but I haven't heard anything more about that so I guess it's not going to happen.

Eight weeks of reruns? That seems like enough time to get America out of the habit of tuning in at that hour. But maybe they know what they're doing…

From 1974: Jim Henson and Kermit the Frog visit Johnny Carson's show. Mr. Carson forgets Mr. Henson's name, Mr. Frog forgets the lyrics to his signature song and the previous guest on Johnny's couch is nevertheless impressed.

Preceding it all is one of Henson's odder routines. I believe the gent assisting him with the Muppeteering is my friend Dave Goelz, who had just joined the Henson operation…

Rob Sheffield has a good article over in Rolling Stone about Jon Stewart's abdication.

I wonder if anyone at, say, HBO went to Stewart with a moving van full of cash and said, "Do an hour a month for us. No commercials. No bleeps when you say the "f" word. Total and complete creative control. You can make your segments twice as long as John Oliver if you want." I have a feeling someone did and I'm curious as to what he has in mind for his future that would cause him to turn it down.

I don't think as Sheffield seems to that it's just stand-up. I think stand-up is something Stewart wants to get back to and keep current in his life while also doing some "A" project that may still be in its formative stages. I hope there is something and I hope it isn't long before we get it.

I have just changed the photo of the dragonfly in the previous posting. Rephah Berg, who reads this blog and often sends in wise and informed corrections, tells me I had a pic of a damselfly, not a dragonfly. I hope I have it right now. Thanks, Rephah.

As you read this story, please keep in mind that I was nine years old at the time.

When I was that age, I would sometimes go down the street to play with a girl named Julie. I liked Julie the way a boy of nine can like a girl of eight, which is altogether different from the way he might like her, say, four or five years later. Julie was fun and Julie liked me and the only problem really was that she had way too much energy. You got the feeling that every morning, she'd start her day with a nice, healthy bowl of Sugar Frosted Sugar.

If she'd had her way, all we would have done all afternoon was run around. She wanted to run into her backyard and play on the swing set and then she wanted to run out to the front yard and roll on the front lawn and then she wanted to run back into the backyard and play some more on the swing set and then she wanted to run out to the front yard and climb the big tree out there and then she wanted to run back into the backyard for a little more swing set and then run out front to play hopscotch on the front sidewalk and then run back to the swing set…

I had energy at that age too but not like that. She also didn't want to go inside to play board games (which I liked) or to watch cartoons on TV (which I really liked). She always wanted to run around outside. Fortunately, one day I got the power to stop her from doing this.

That afternoon as we were running from the swing set to the front lawn or maybe from the front lawn to the swing set, I suddenly heard Julie scream in terror. It was the kind of scream that makes you think someone has just been murdered. "What is it?" I asked her with huge worry.

"It's…THAT," she shrieked, pointing at the hideous, deadly monster that was looming above us.

It was a dragonfly. In case you've never seen one, they look like this…

She ran from it like her life depended on it and I ran with her because…well, because she was running, I guess. We sprinted to the back of her house where there was a little hiding place behind the garage. She crawled into it and cringed in a fetal position, trembling. After a few minutes of that, she pleaded with me, "Peek out and see if it's gone."

I peeked out and it was gone. "What," I asked, "is so scary about a dragonfly?"

Julie looked at me like I was mad, truly mad. "Don't you know about dragonflies? They sew your mouth shut and you die!" This is apparently an old urban legend even in rural areas — one of those things some people believe based on no evidence whatsoever. I had never heard it before but someone had told it to Julie, thereby inducing nightmares as well as daylight terrors.

I asked, "How does a dragonfly sew your mouth shut? Do they carry needles and thread?"

She answered, "They do it. I don't know how they do it but they do it. They sew your mouth shut and then you can't breathe and you die!"

I asked, "Can't you just breathe through your nose?"

She answered, "Okay, then you starve to death. You can't eat if your mouth has been sewn shut!"

Being way too logical about something this silly, I replied, "You can go a few hours without eating. Couldn't they unsew your mouth before you starved? I once saw my mother take the stitching out of a sweater and it took like three minutes."

By now, Julie was angry with me. "Look! Would you like to have your mouth sewed shut? Even if it didn't kill you, it would probably hurt a whole lot."

I had to admit she had a point. Unless, of course, dragonflies use Novocaine.

Since the evil monster had flown off to go sew someone else's mouth shut, Julie cautiously left the hiding spot and play resumed. But she kept glancing about, ever vigilant for dragonflies of any size or hue. From that moment on, I owned that young woman.

At 4:00, I wanted to go into the house and watch a favorite program — The Webster Webfoot Show on Channel 13. On it, "Uncle" Jimmy Weldon and his duck puppet hosted some of my favorite cartoons. Julie, however, wanted to stay outside and run back and forth between the front lawn and the swing set…and all I had to do was to point at nothing and yell, "Dragonfly!" Julie would scream and we'd run into the house, make sure all the windows were locked and then, while we were in there waiting for the mortal danger to pass, watch cartoons.

After three or four, she was restless and wanted to go outside and run back and forth between the swing set and the front lawn some more. "Go look and see if the dragonfly is still around," she told me. I headed for the window but as I did, I saw on the TV screen the beginning of a Screwy Squirrel cartoon so I told her, "There are dozens of dragonflies flying about outside. They're in squadron formation!"

Julie screamed, ran into her room and hid under the bed while I watched Screwy Squirrel.

This went on for a few weeks, as I recall. I could make Julie do just about anything I wanted by merely pointing to imaginary dragonflies. One day though, I pushed it too far.

I was collecting baseball cards then so I had a lot of gum around the house. I never liked the gum as much as the cards. In fact, the gum was so horrible that given the choice, I'd have preferred to chew the cards. But the gum was light pink and not that far from the color of lips so that gave me an idea.

We were in Julie's house one day playing a board game I wanted to play, hiding from dragonflies I'd "seen" outside. After I won the game, I told her I would go outside and check for dragonflies. She thought I was so brave…maybe the last time any female believed that.

I went outside, chewed up a wad of the gum, smeared it over my mouth, then staggered back inside in a panic, making grunts like I couldn't talk. Julie screamed, "A dragonfly sewed your mouth up!" I nodded in silent agony. Horrified — and before I could stop her — she ran to her mother's room.

All the time I was there playing, her mother was in a little private study doing…well, I'm not sure what. Reading, maybe. She'd check on us every hour or so but mostly, she left us alone. Julie pounded on her mother's closed door and when Mom opened it, Julie cried in desperation, "You've got to do something! A dragonfly sewed Mark's mouth closed!"

I, of course, walked up chewing the gum and saying, "What's going on?" Julie's mother knew exactly what had happened.

"Did Grandma tell you that silly story about dragonflies?" she asked Julie. Julie said, "No, it was Grandpa! He said dragonflies sew your mouth shut and then you can't breathe and you die!" Her mother told her that was a silly superstition, scolded her for believing such nonsense and said, "I'm going to give your father's father a call and give him a piece of my mind." Then she admonished me for scaring Julie so. I said I was sorry and would never do it again.

Julie and I went outside to play and, sure enough, a dragonfly buzzed right past us. She flinched but didn't run and then we talked a little about how people believe things that aren't true. I said, "The problem is that there are things you have to watch out for that are dangerous and when you're watching out for the wrong things, the real dangerous things can get you."

"Real dangerous?" she asked. "Like what?" I told her that a fully-grown crow could pick up a 100-lb. child — like, say, either of us — and fly us off into the sky and we'd never be seen again. She was skeptical but I half-convinced her when I said, "Didn't you see the news last night? It happened to a kid who lived in Culver City!"

Julie looked around and saw several crows sitting on a nearby phone wire. I said, ominously, "Those look pretty well-grown to me!" Taking no chances, Julie insisted we run back into the house and close all the windows.

I know it sounds mean but I had a good reason. It was almost 4:00 and there was a good chance Uncle Jimmy would be running another Screwy Squirrel cartoon.

Last Thursday night when I watched Jon Stewart's final Daily Show, I was disappointed. It had for me the same problem as Colbert's last Colbert Report, being the kind of self-congratulatory tribute that seemed excessive given that the host is not dying or going away forever. The opening segment felt bloated and padded…though props to Comedy Central for letting the first act go 25 minutes and 30 seconds without a commercial. They made up for it later but still…25:30? Nice.

The video tour of the office and staff was well-done but long and I really didn't get any sense of who all those people were. Stewart's final "rant" — to alert us there was bullshit in the world — seemed obvious and not the way to end a series that was so often able to surprise us and by going where no show had gone before. And then it ended with Springsteen, who of course had zero to do with the program. I guess I'd hoped for something less predictable.

Ah, but that was the first time I watched it. Prepping to write something here, I gave it a second look a day later and this time, it struck me quite differently. What I glommed onto in that viewing was the incredible love and respect those people have for each other and for Jon Stewart in particular. It was there in almost every moment of the show but especially in the last shot of Act One when Colbert and Stewart embraced and then all the other correspondents came rushing in for a group hug.

If you looked closely, you could see how genuinely happy they were for being on the show and for having had Jon Stewart in their lives. Even Wyatt Cenac — who had some harsh words for Stewart in a recent interview and who played it cool in his segment — seemed overjoyed to be there, at least in that shot. He was hopping up and down with the rest of them.

If you missed it and you still have the show on your DVR or want to go check it out again at this link, take a look. Samantha Bee looked a little uncertain as to why she was there but everyone else there and in the dance party at the end was real, real happy to be a part of it all and to have had Jon Stewart in their lives. I'm trying to think of another person on television who evoked that much respect and love from darn near everyone who worked with them and I can't.

Viewed that way, I liked the last episode. Sometimes, you have to look at these things twice to see what's really going on.

Matt Taibbi watched the debate last night and he thinks the Republicans have a very large Donald Trump Problem.

Dan Gheno, this blog's official reporter on the marquee of the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York, has been camped out there 24/7 to get this photo for you.  It's the new marquee for Mr. Colbert's incoming program.  Looks good to me. A job well done, Dan. You can go home now.