Monthly Archives: April 2015

Let's go way, way back to December 27, 2001 on this blog, which is when I posted this. The one thing I need to update should be obvious. Not only are none of the gentlemen in the photo still performing today but none of them is still breathing today…

This isn't particularly timely but I just came across this terrific photo, taken at a televised Friars' Roast of Jack Benny that ran on the Kraft Music Hall TV show in (I'm guessing) 1970. It was definitely before Johnny Carson moved The Tonight Show to Burbank, which he did in 1972. The folks depicted — just in case anyone's puzzled — are, left to right: Carson, Alan King, Ed Sullivan, Dennis Day, Phil Harris, Benny, George Burns and Milton Berle. It is perhaps significant of something that the only one of these men who is still performing is Alan King, who was recently seen on Comedy Central's airing of the Friars' Roast of Hugh Hefner.

The photo reminds me of one of the funniest ad-libs I ever heard on a TV show…and it was also, perhaps, the last time anyone ever did a "surprise walk-on" on a talk show that the host didn't know about in advance. I suspect Mssrs. Leno and Letterman would fire their entire staffs if anything ever happened for which they did not have adequate preparation, including a few pre-scripted lines. It's a shame since one of the great appeals of the talk show was, once upon a time, the spontaneity and the joy of seeing witty men working without a net.

The line I loved was uttered by David Steinberg. He was guest-hosting The Tonight Show that evening while Mr. Carson was elsewhere in the building (Rockefeller Center in New York) taping the above roast.

So what happened was that Steinberg was interviewing some guest and, all of a sudden, Milton Berle walked out on stage — absolutely unannounced and apparently a complete surprise to Steinberg. The audience, of course, went berserk. Berle ousted the guest from the guest chair, sat down and said a few words before Jack Benny walked out. Again, the audience went nuts.

Benny displaced Berle in the chair next to the desk and muttered a few words. The audience was cheering and howling with glee, and I thought they couldn't get any more excited.

Then Johnny Carson walked out from the wings.

That's right: Johnny Carson did a surprise walk-on on The Tonight Show. I have never heard an audience get as excited, as utterly apoplectic as they did at that moment. Finally, the ruckus died down and Carson — now seated in the guest chair — explained how they could only stay a minute since they were on a break from taping The Kraft Music Hall. For some odd reason, Steinberg chuckled.

"What are you laughing at?" Johnny asked him.

Steinberg grinned and replied, "I was just thinking about how wonderful the rest of this show's going to go after you all leave."

I'm not likely to vote for Jeb Bush for president but he does have some good ideas. One of them is to revive the "Death Panels" in Obamacare — or at least what folks like Sarah Palin tried to pass off as "Death Panels." Brian Beutler has more.

I need to get back to New York to see the new revival of On the Twentieth Century with Kristin Chenoweth and Peter Gallagher. Here's much of the cast getting up early to lip-sync a sampling of tunes from it on The Today Show. Which I guess means there are seats available…

Marvel has a storyline which reveals that Iceman of the X-Men is gay. I just spoke to a reporter who wanted me to comment on this and my comment was along the lines of "If it makes for some good stories, great." There are gay people. It stands to reason there are gay super people.

However, I really don't know if you can do meaningful stories about him being gay. The gay folks I know all have issues about being treated as "different" and "unusual." If you're a mutant made of ice, your sexual identity may be the least unusual thing about you. I would think that being the only individual on the planet like that — and constantly being involved in incidents that could mean the destruction of said planet — would have a bit more impact on your personality and create a lot more problems than being attracted to others of the same gender.

So then the next question — and the reporter didn't ask me this but it's being discussed a lot on the web — is "Well, is Iceman gay?" Answer: Iceman is a fictional character. He's gay if the folks writing and controlling his usage at the moment say he's gay.

I have not followed the comics closely enough to know how much, if at all, those in charge of him lately have hinted at this. My guess is that some have, some haven't. When a character is around for a while — and Iceman has passed the half-century mark — he or she gets handled by all sorts of folks who have different ideas. Certainly, many of those who have written Batman have not written the same guy in the suit.

They don't even all read each other's work and some of those who do are consciously seeking to "undo" what others did. I do not believe you should ever expect consistency in characterization from a character who's been under the creative control of more than three people.

In fact — and this is a side discussion — I think a lot of great characters become devalued by the fact that since dozens of different people are in charge of them, no one is really in charge of them. You know the old saying about how a camel is a horse that's been designed by a committee? Well, Bugs Bunny and many others I can name sure seem to be growing humps lately. But that's a rant for another time.

Apparently, some writers suggested in their stories that Iceman was generally cold to the idea of heterosexuality (I'm sorry) and then fans seized upon whatever hints were embedded and expanded on it in articles and fan fiction. And then the current custodians of the character thought it would be a good idea to make it official. I don't know them well enough to know if it was decided for creative reasons or marketing ones.

You see, I don't have a lot of contact with mainstream comics these days. When I did though, there was this constant push from both DC and Marvel to put out something "sexy" each month. That was the descriptor Dick Giordano used when he was in charge at DC. "Sexy" meant that at least one comic or mini-series had to stand out as very special. Sometimes, it could be achieved by the sheer assignment of a superstar writer and/or artist. Frank Miller doing a comic was an event. Another way was a "high concept" mini-series…like The X-Men crossing over with Star Trek or something like that.

Yet another way to create a "sexy" comic was to impose some life-changing storyline on an existing property. Some character was killed or married or resigned, etc. A more recent life-changer is to reveal someone is gay.

What's interesting is that "gay" may be the only permanent life-changer. Superman can be killed and later come back to life. Spider-Man can get married and then someone can turn back time and say it never happened. Captain America can quit and turn the costume over to someone else…then later take it back.

But gay may be forever. I would think it would be distasteful and really, really stupid for someone later to do a comic in which Iceman's gayness was "cured." They'd probably have to kill off the character and have someone else become Iceman…and if it was obviously done just to have a straight Iceman, that would be insulting to the gay community. So Iceman is gay.

What I think could be interesting is if they also decided that The Human Torch was gay. The two of them could fall in love…and if the man made of fire were to have sex with the man made of ice, it could trigger an explosion of weather that would stop Global Warming. If Marvel ever uses this idea, I expect royalties.

We like to track how certain restaurant chains are or are not in certain states. For many years, one of my favorites in California — and only a few other states — was Koo Koo Roo. Alas, the last Koo Koo Roo has closed and it looks to be gone for good…but one of its old locations in West Hollywood is soon to become the first Shake Shack in my state. Many people are excited. If I'd ever dined at a Shake Shack, I might be, too.

Steve Benen argues that Republicans these days don't seem to know what the word "socialist" means. They think it describes someone who does anything they don't like. Obama is being called a socialist by people who also think he has allowed the wealthy to get even wealthier. Apparently, he's a socialist who is achieving the exact opposite of socialism.

And Stu Shostak has another fascinating guest today on his program! It's the lovely actress (and now, writer) Terry Moore, who's had one of the most amazing careers in Hollywood. It included some popular movies like Mighty Joe Young, Man on a Tightrope, The Great Rupert and Between Heaven and Hell. Most notable was Come Back, Little Sheba, for which she was nominated for an Academy Award as Best Supporting Actress. Like most actresses of her day, she transitioned to television, racking up dozens of guest roles, including parts on Batman, Bonanza and Burke's Law. And then there was the personal stuff that filled the movie magazines. She was married five times…six if you count the elusive zillionaire, Howard Hughes. I'm a bit fuzzy on the history here but as I understand it, Ms. Moore married Hughes and never divorced him, though she went on to marry other men. Stu will presumably sort all this out as he also questions her about her many films and TV appearances.

Stu's Show can be heard live (almost) every Wednesday at the Stu's Show website and you can listen for free there. Webcasts start at 4 PM Pacific Time, 7 PM Eastern and other times in other climes. They run a minimum of two hours and sometimes go to three or beyond.  Shortly after a show ends, it's available for downloading from the Archives on that site. Downloads are a paltry 99 cents each and you can get four for the price of three. Howard Hughes worked the same deal when he bought hotels.

This is not an entire reprint. It's an excerpt from a longer post I put up here on 5/4/05. A friend asked for it again and I am glad to comply…

Hey, here's a cute little story I have to share with you: Very early Thursday morning, I was in the Emergency Room at U.C.L.A. Medical Center with my mother…and I must say, she received superb treatment. Everyone was nice and efficient and, well, if you absolutely have to be in such a place, that's the place.

My mother was on a gurney surrounded by one of those flimsy curtains they have in hospitals. Next to us, there was another gurney with another woman on it, and I could not help but overhear what was transpiring over there. The lady, who was maybe sixty, had been brought in with some sort of balance problem — an inner ear disorder, I believe I heard the doctor say. Whatever it was, she could not stand without falling. She had fallen twenty-four times in as many hours, and was clinging to that gurney for precious life.

The doctor — same one who treated my mother — was a charming, authoritative man. He looked like Pernell Roberts, sans toup and spoke like Ricardo Montalban, sans accent. Having treated her and decreed that the problem was gone, he asked her to stand. She was too scared to do this. "I'll fall over," she said.

He assured her she would not. A male intern came over and the doctor promised that they'd stand on either side of her and prevent her from falling. She refused. He promised her there was no way she could fall. She said no, she couldn't. The doctor told her she couldn't stay there on that gurney forever. She didn't answer. She just clutched the side of the gurney and held on, tight and trembling.

Calmly, and with a disarming friendly manner, he engaged her in conversation. Where was she from? What did she do? Did she have any hobbies? Two minutes into this chat, she happened to mention that she'd once been a champion ballroom dancer.

The doctor brightened. "Oh, it's been so long since I've danced with someone who really knows how. Would you dance with me?"

The woman looked at him (I assume — I was just listening) like he was nuts. "D-dance with you? Here?"

He said, "Why not? Just a few steps. Do it for me…please."

I don't know if it was because he was so charming or because he was a doctor but, sure enough, the woman slowly turned loose of the gurney and allowed him to help her to her feet. Within moments, I could see them dancing around the small amount of open space in the Emergency Room. There was no music, of course, but the doctor hummed and they waltzed about for maybe a minute. Just as I was about to ask if I could cut in, the doctor stepped lightly away from her, leaving her standing there…on her feet, in full possession of her balance. If you'd seen the expression on this woman's face — tears of joy as she realized she was not falling — you'd have witnessed one big reason why people become doctors.

The headline on this video states that "L.A. Crawls With Up To 3 Million Feral Cats." I'm not sure who arrived at that number or how and it does seem high to me. But it may be so and even if the actual number is a third of that, that's way too much…

The number of them I feed is two, down from a high of four. When people ask me why I do it, I tell them, "Because they're out there and they're hungry" and I wonder why anyone would ask that question. (Then again, I'm trying to not feed the raccoons that come around because a lady at the Animal Control Board — or whatever that department is called — convinced me that feeding raccoons was not in the best interests of the cats or even the raccoons themselves.)

I think it's great that people go out like the woman in that video and feed feral cats. I know another person who does it — a gent I've helped with donations a few times. I wish these animals didn't have to rely on the kindness of strangers. I wish the city would spend some dough on this problem.

Then again, I wish more that the city would do more about the homeless human beings.  We have three or four who routinely sleep on the sidewalk around the other end of the block I live on, and I occasionally see them rooting through my trash cans. Given how those people go largely without any official aid, I'm not surprised there's no civic effort on behalf of pussycats.

Something I don't think some people understand about feral cats: Every time I mention the ones I feed, someone writes me and asks, "Well, why don't you adopt them and bring them indoors?" Most cats cannot be un-feraled. I tried that with one and she was miserable, howling all night. Also, the aroma of her litter box practically drove me into living outside under bushes.

Bob Barker used to close The Price is Right by urging people to have their pets spayed or neutered — a tradition Drew Carey continues. That's a nice sentiment but the real problem is not the animals who are someone's pets. A cat kept indoors is not going to get preggo unless you arrange it. The problem is all those cats who belong to no one…who live outside. The two cats I feed are both fixed. I personally trapped one of them, took her in and paid to have it done. The other one has a notch in her ear indicating that someone else did it. Perhaps that's why I'm not feeding two dozen of 'em out there.

I need to stop writing and go to bed.

A tip to any aspiring comic book writers: If the guy who draws the thing ever says to you, "I think it would be great if this character always spoke in rhyme," don't — repeat: — don't agree. Not if you ever want to get some sleep.

So how is it that the Spam Catcher on my e-mail can always tell when a message is a fraud to try to get my banking information from me but it can't seem to tell that a message is in Chinese or Japanese?

During his recent book tour, John Cleese may have become the most-interviewed human being of all time. Well, maybe the most-interviewed human being known for his silly walks. Anyway, here he is on a show for the Dutch Public Broadcasting System. It starts in Dutch but it jumps to English when he comes out. There are some awkwardly-edited clips in there but the conversation is pretty good, covering much ground not covered in the other eight hundred and ninety-seven John Cleese interviews I've featured here…

Most restaurants don't pay their workers very well. Often, the only way those workers can survive is to be subsidized by public assistance. Hannah Levintova explains how much that costs us and it's another form of corporate welfare. In the meantime, there are many people out there who oppose the minimum wage or even the whole concept of having one. Most of them probably also oppose things like food stamps and government-funded low-income housing. Something is wrong with this picture.

Here at this blog, we have a fascination (and ongoing horror) with the number of people who are found guilty by our judicial system and sent to prison — and often, Death Row — though they are almost certainly innocent. DNA testing has freed a lot of them but DNA testing is a fairly recent invention so it's fair to say that this country has probably locked up and even executed an awful lot of innocent people over the years. There are also cases where DNA evidence can't exonerate someone because there simply is no DNA evidence. Dahlia Lithwick has the chilling story of one such unfortunate individual.

Some of the finest comedy writing today is being done on signs that people put up on telephone poles.