There's an important event happening the evening of Sunday, November 2nd at the Egyptian Theater in Hollywood. It's just the kind of thing that would interest the kind of person who comes to this weblog.
I can't tell you what it is just yet but I should be able to, later today. Many of you will want to attend.
An unexpected landslide of Things To Do forces us to declare today a Mushroom Soup Tuesday, meaning that I post a neat graphic of a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup, then tend to matters more important than this blog. Of course, they're only more important in terms of me meeting deadlines for work and getting (occasionally) paid for it. Nothing is more important than blogging for your dining and dancing pleasure, dear followers.
The second part of the story I started on Sunday will be along shortly.
Yesterday was supposed to be the day we found out if the highest court in this land would announce whether or not they'd take on the infamous Jack Kirby matter but that was settled on the (Supreme) courthouse steps. Instead, the Big News was just that they wouldn't take on current cases regarding the legal propriety of Gay Marriage, thereby clearing the way for it to become legal in five states plus, soon, six more.
As you probably know if you care at all what I think, I think it's insane and cruel to deny two consenting adults of any race, creed or gender the right to wed. I'm glad that's becoming the norm though I still kinda wish it had happened in some of those states by a vote of the people instead of judicial interpretation. Having it happen by court decisions is fine insofar as making it the law of the land. A few balloting victories here and there would have made it more palatable to some.
I cruised some right-wing websites after the decision not and saw an awful lot of "This fight isn't over yet." Like me, they all want to see it put to a vote of the people. Unlike me, they think they'd win everywhere. All these same people a year or two ago looked around their local communities, "unskewed" what few polls they consulted and waited eagerly for the Mitt Romney landslide.
We may never know how a "Vote of the People" would go on this issue. Those who favor Gay Rights have no reason to make that happen. They're getting what they want. Those who oppose Gay Rights have a lot to lose: The certainty that they have a majority of Americans on their side on this issue. I think they might be surprised…except maybe in the reddest of red states. But I also think it's highly likely we'll never see that vote take place.
Gotta go. Sergio is coming over for a Groo story conference. He'll be here in six minutes…or fifteen if he stops off to draw the issue before he arrives.
This is probably Not Safe for (some) Workplaces. Each year, a grand theatrical organization called Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS raises money to fight you-know-what. Among their fund-gathering activities are shows, including one called Broadway Bares in which folks from that community disrobe (mostly) to music. This is the opening number from the show they put on in 2010 in which the theme was "Stripopoly" — i.e., a sexy version of the game, Monopoly. The lead singer is Euan Morton and before the number is out, two rather famous "divas" join in…
A couple of other TV writers have written me to suggest another reason there might be no Scene F in that Dick Van Dyke Show script. Sometimes, they note, the folks prepping the scripts will skip "F" to avoid confusion since it looks a lot like an "E" and it's pronounced a lot like an "S". That's true in some cases…but I just asked Rose Marie and she says they didn't do that on the Van Dyke Show and the two other scripts I have from it both have Scene Fs in them.
Hey, you might be interested to hear why I was talking to Rose Marie — who, of course, starred on that series and in so many other fine shows and movies in her almost-90-year-career. That is not a typo. She first performed on a stage when she was three years old and she just turned 91.
There's this great restaurant chain you may know called The Palm. They're famous for their steaks (great) and their chicken parmesan (better) and for the caricatures they have on their walls. The Palm over on Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood is moving. That location has closed and workmen went in last week and cut out sections of wall to try and save as many of the caricatures as they could…since they were painted right onto the walls.
Today only, if your caricature was on the wall there and (and this was not true of all of them) the workmen were able to salvage it, you or your representative could go over today and claim it. So that's what I did on Rose's behalf. I went over and got her caricature for her. I'll try and get a photo of her with it when I find time to take it over to her.
That and several other things kept me so busy that I didn't have time today to finish the second part of the story I started yesterday. It'll be along in a day or so. It's a long one.
Several of you have written to ask about that Dick Van Dyke Show episode I wrote about. If you are interested in the making of this series, I urge you to — no, I insist that you purchase the definitive bible on this topic and it was written by my pal, Vince Waldron. It's The Official Dick Van Dyke Show Book and even if you got it years ago, you need to get the 2014 version which has so much new stuff in it, it's like a brand-new book.
Vince will be your co-host this week when Carl Reiner — the guy who wrote this script we're talking about here — returns for his second visit to Stu's Show. But I'll tell you about that tomorrow. In the meantime, let's watch this episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show…
We have spoken here in the past of what I call Costco Dim-Sum — those wonderful free samples on which you can feast if you go to a Costco at the proper hour. This article discusses why they do that but seems to miss what is to me the obvious reason. Costco doesn't sell small packages of its food. If you're thinking you might like the frozen, pre-cooked Chicken Teriyaki, there's no $3.95 package you can take home and try. You have to commit to the $14.00 box or nothing. What if you get it home, take one bite and it stinks?
By giving you one bite in the store, Costco is recognizing your aversion to gambling. I don't think they'd have those ladies in the hairnets at the end of the aisle doling out previews if you could try it for three or four bucks but you can't so they need them there. Of course, the article's right that it also makes going to Costco more fun. And it gets you to the rear of the place.
Somewhere in this house of mine, I have a book that was given to me years ago that was written for casino operators about how to maximize profits. A lot of it was about how to lure people to the back of the casino with free stuff…like those places they used to have downtown in Vegas where you could win a free personalized keychain in the front of the casino. Ah, but you had to go to the back of the casino — walking past all those slot machines — to get it. And then when you got there, you had to wait ten minutes (next to all those slot machines) before it would be ready.
If you even slipped one dollar into a machine while waiting and didn't win, they made a profit. I would have the will power to not play the dollar. But I don't think I could walk to the rear of a Costco, sample the Jimmy Dean pure pork sausage, and then walk out without spending at least a hundred dollars on something.
Thanks to Ray Barrington for sending me the link. And speaking of links, I wonder if I have any Jimmy Dean pure pork sausage in the fridge…
Many years ago, before most people had ever heard of The Internet, some of us communicated via bulletin-board systems. I ran one for a brief time on a spare computer I had. There was special BBS software and you'd hook a bunch of modems to the computer and then people could call in via their modems over phone lines and connect their computer to yours. The software welcomed them and gave them the chance to read messages that other callers had left and to post their own.
In the era of Facebook and Twitter and eighty zillion websites accessed over high-speed connections, it all seems very Flintstonesque but at the time, it was quite Jetsonian. I spent many hours a week maintaining my BBS and logging into others…and I made some good friends and kept in better touch with the ones I already had. I also encountered headaches enough that I finally took mine down and later quit one that I'd set up for the Writers Guild.
I don't know how much of a problem it was on other kinds of systems but the ones I ran were full of professional writers and there were always a few — enough to spoil the party for all — attacking others and creating migraines for the system operator, who in the case of my systems was me.
I love professional writers…some of my best friends and all that. Oh, yeah — and I am one.
But you get enough of us together and you're bound to have some rivalries and bitterness pop up. So Writer A would write something Writer B didn't like. Writer B would fire back at Writer A. Writer A would respond and escalate. The rhetoric would get hotter and hotter as others chimed in and/or egged on the combatants. Some people just love to watch others fight.
The spats were about all sorts of different things but often they were about one of two things and even if they weren't, onlookers always seemed to assume they were. One of those two things was that the less successful writer was deeply jealous of the more successful writer. The other possibility was that the more successful writer was angry that others weren't recognizing he was more successful and responding with a little jealousy.
Writers aren't all like that. Relatively few are. But when the ones who often get into fights get into those fights, one or both of those is probably applicable.
I realized that early on. It took a while before I realized something else. An awful lot of the donnybrooks started late Saturday night verging into Sunday morning. I read once that that's the time when folks who are unhappy with their lives are most likely to be at their unhappiest and, often, drinking. Even today, it's unfortunate that the software that allows you to post a public message on the Internet does not come with some sort of Breathalyzer feature.
For a while, I dealt with the arguments. There would be firm but civil disagreements when I went to bed. By the time I awoke, I was referee at an Electronic Wrestlemania® with threatened fisticuffs and lawsuits followed by lawsuits and fisticuffs. As the guy operating the BBS, I found myself unwillingly in the middle, getting attacked by all sides, no matter what I did.
A few times, I decided the best course of action was just to shut the entire discussion down. Which of course brought the accusation — from both combatants and those enjoying the brawl — that I was a Nazi Storm Trooper suppressing free speech. Apparently, the First Amendment protects your right to scream in someone else's home. Of course, when I let the battle rage on, I was accused of giving "tacit approval" to the libels therein.
I could count on that. I could also count on no one wanting to take responsibility for their own words or clean up their own messes. Writer A would accuse Writer B of doing something grossly illegal and/or unethical. Writer B would respond by threatening to sue and/or punch out not Writer A but the operator of the system — i.e., me. "I was slandered on your forum," one Writer B hollered at me when I tried to suggest his ire was misdirected.
So I'd call Writer A and suggest he give me a hand here…perhaps settle his differences with Writer B away from my system, perhaps offer to help with any legal fees I might incur. And Writer A would say something like, "Hey, that's your problem" and hang up on me. When I decided to stop running BBSes, it was one of those incidents that did it. And thereafter, my life got a lot better.
I have a story I want to tell about one incident that took place in part on my BBS but it's a long one so I think I'll break here and tell it tomorrow. Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-Channel.
The other day here while plugging Frank Ferrante, I uploaded the title page on a script for The Dick Van Dyke Show — the one about the walnuts. Ruben Bolling, maker of the wonderful Tom the Dancing Bug wrote to ask…
As always, love your blog. I was wondering if you knew what the code on the front page of the Dicky Van Dyke Show script meant (A-1, B-10, etc.). If so, I'd love to know, and I'm sure many of your reader as dumb as I am would too.
Sure, I can tell you. The script had seven scenes in it and they called the first one Scene A and it started on page one. They called the second one Scene B and it started on page ten…and so on. Scene D was bisected by the middle commercial so the first half of it started on page 25 and the second part started on page 30. The entire script, by the way, was 42 pages.
As you'll see in a moment, Surprise Guest Danny Thomas was mentioned in the script. On the cast list, however, it merely said that the role of "Guest Star" was played by "A Twiloite."
While I was scanning, I thought you might also like a peek at the description in that script of a pretty famous scene in television history…
…or perhaps more appropriately, where I won't be. I don't expect to be at any comic conventions between now and next Easter when I'll show my face plus other, more attractive parts of myself at WonderCon, which is down in Anaheim again. I still want them to have more WonderCons in San Francisco but I've grown fond of the Anaheim ones, too. The 2015 one is April 3-5 and if you watch this site, they will soon tell you more than that.
I have though agreed to be at the Miami Book Fair, which takes place November 16-23. I'll be there the last two days of it, signing and giving some sort of talk or lecture or I don't know what they expect me to do but it's all about The Art of the Simon and Kirby Studio, a new book I put together for the fine folks at Harry N. Abrams Books. It officially comes out November 11, though I'm told they'll have a few copies for sale next weekend at the Abrams booth at the New York Comic Con. I will not be at the con but I've signed some bookplates that will be in those copies.
(By the way, because some have asked: I was a hired hand on this book. Most of the proceeds go to the Estate of Joe Simon and the Estate of Jack Kirby. I have the feeling the latter doesn't really need the money now…)
Dark Horse Comics has formally announced the new Groo maxi-series for next year. It's called Groo: Friends and Foes and here's the description of the first issue…
Each month of this year-long series, Groo and his faithful pooch, Rufferto, encounter a different acquaintance — or enemy — with the usual dire consequences! In #1, Groo crosses paths with Captain Ahax, the seaman with the world record for most ships sunk by the all-time stupidest character in comics! Brought to you by the award-winning team of Sergio Aragonés and Mark Evanier! Eisner-winning letterer Stan Sakai and colorist Tom Luth round out this all-star team!
Not much more to add to that. Each month of 2015, you get a new issue of Groo. We're working away on it now…already finished up through #4. The stories, by the way, are not really continued but they are connected. That is, you'll want to read them in the proper order and if you do, you just might see an interesting sub-plot develop. Gee, it's fun to be doing this again. Hope it shows through.
From the Jerry Lewis Telethon in 1998, we have Don Rickles being very Don Rickles. This was when Jerry was on medication that caused him to swell up to the combined body weight of himself and Dino…
People are drinking less milk and at least one person (in this article) believes it's because of misleading labels.
Steven Pinker punches back against those who lecture us on certain strict rules of grammar. I want to hire this person to answer some of my mail.
Almost every magazine publisher I've ever worked with has had intricate (and sometimes immovable) theories about what you put or don't put on your cover in order to get people to buy. Back in the seventies and before, one iron-clad rule was that you never — no, never — cover any part of your logo in any way. You want it to be instantly readable. I see a lot of magazines breaking that "rule" these days.
Also, every publisher seemed to have a list of words and phrases that increased sales. The man who was the Publisher at Marvel Comics for years, Martin Goodman, had a list that included words like "tales," "savage," "astonish," "strange" and "suspense." That was why he published Savage Tales, Tales to Astonish, Strange Tales and Tales of Suspense. He also seemed to believe no one would buy a western comic book unless it had the word "kid" in its title. When I briefly worked in 1970 for a publisher of Hollywood-themed gossip magazines, he got angry if the words "Love Nest" were not on his covers…and it couldn't be spelled "Lovenest."
So I'm wondering about the current issue of Cosmopolitan which, as you can see, partially obscures the title and tempts potential purchasers with, "Butt & Leg Workout. Get the Ass You Deserve!" What was the thinking behind that?
I'm not saying it won't help sell magazines. It's certainly a grabber when one is waiting at the supermarket checkout counter. I'm just wondering about the discussion before they put that on there. I'm not a big reader of Cosmo but it seems to me every cover has to have at least one promise to women of the secret to getting a body that men will crave.
And come to think of it, if you took out the part about butt and leg workout, the exact same blurb would work on the cover of Hustler.
Joby W. writes to ask…
I agree with you that the term Living Legend is way overused. I also agree with you that if it applies to anyone, it applies to Carl Reiner. I'm curious though why you won't be going to see Carl Reiner at his appearance and get his new book signed.
Well, I've met Carl Reiner on a number of occasions and I got his last few books signed. But I also have what for me is the ultimate Carl Reiner autograph. Here's the cover page for a script he signed for me a few years ago. (The others on there are Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie and Larry Matthews.)
By the way: Take note of the most amazing thing about that script. As you can see, it was written seven months before it went into rehearsals. Betcha there hasn't been a situation comedy episode in twenty years that has come close to that spread.
