When entertainer Steve Rossi died recently, I was too busy to write this post. Now, I'm not.
There were a few years in this country when the team of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis was the hottest act the business had ever seen. They made movies, they appeared on TV, they worked clubs, they had their own DC comic book and they spawned hundreds upon hundreds of imitators. It was like every comedian who couldn't get a job teamed up with a singer who couldn't get a job and they were promoted as "The new Martin and Lewis." Some guys went from partner to partner to partner to partner, searching for that magic combination. There were "hot new teams" that lasted a year or two and others that endured for two consecutive nights at a supper club off the turnpike in New Jersey.
With no statistics or data whatsoever, I'm going to guess that less than 10% of these Dean-and-Jerry wanna-bes lasted long enough to pay either's rent for six months. The two combos that you could say really made it were (1) Dan Rowan and Dick Martin and (2) Marty Allen and Steve Rossi. Rowan and Martin broke the format slightly because Rowan didn't sing but they were still sold as "The new Martin and Lewis." Hey, one of them was even named Martin!
(Before anyone asks, "What about Wayne and Shuster?": They teamed up in the forties, not as a response to the grosses of Martin and Lewis, and they were popular in Canada before anyone there had ever heard of Dino and Jer. But even they came to be referred to as "The Canadian Martin and Lewis" for a while there.)
When Dan and Dick or Marty and Steve had decent material and — probably more important — decent management, both teams did okay. In both pairings, you could sense the same dynamic: The straight man (Rowan, Rossi) would never have been in the comedy business at all if not for the funny one. And the funny one (Martin, Allen) was appealing but maybe not a strong enough performer to go it alone. He was funny responding and reacting to the other guy and the match-up gave form to his comedy. Together though, either pair could easily supply laughs for seven minutes on The Ed Sullivan Show or The Mike Douglas Show or any program on which they could build their reputations. And then those reps got them booked into Vegas, booked into Miami Beach, signed for a movie, etc. Rowan and Martin largely built their careers on plugs in Walter Winchell's newspaper column; Allen and Rossi on Sullivan's heralding of them as the hottest comedy team in the business. If Ed said it, it often became so.
I was never a huge fan of either duo but when they were on, I'd watch. I felt no sense of loss though around '68 when Allen and Rossi broke up for the first of many, many times. I don't know what it was but thereafter, each would work solo or with different partners for a time. Then they'd reteam for some engagement and it would be ballyhooed as a world-shattering event that Marty Allen and Steve Rossi had reunited. Then a few months later each would again be working solo or with different partners for a time. Then they'd reteam for some engagement and it would be ballyhooed as a world-shattering event that Marty Allen and Steve Rossi had reunited.
And so on and so on and so on…
One major reteaming occurred around 1991. There was then a gent named Bob Stupak who owned and operated a hotel-casino in Las Vegas called Bob Stupak's Vegas World. Stupak was the last of a breed of colorful entrepreneurs in that town who seemed to fly by the seat of their trousers, getting in the press all the time for outrageous stunts and ideas. A lot of Stupak's sounded as if they were done on mad impulse; like he'd suddenly decide to bet a million dollars on some sports team or randomly give away thousands of free vacations to his resort. I followed his exploits, all the time suspecting that he was more clever and calculating than he appeared.
But maybe not. Vegas World isn't there anymore. It was sold and reconfigured as a hotel called the Stratosphere and that's too bad. I wish you could have seen its interior design. The place looked like what you'd get if you gave a few million dollars to a 12-year-old Star Trek fan and let him spend it redecorating his bedroom.
In its final years, Stupak gave Allen and Rossi what was announced as a "lifetime contract" to play Bob Stupak's Vegas World. It was reportedly something he offered on a whim during a dinner meeting, scribbling its terms out on a napkin. I believe this occurred in 1991 and Bob Stupak's Vegas World closed in February of 1995. But that didn't affect that "lifetime contract" because by '93, Allen and Rossi had split — from Stupak and, once more, from each other.
Before that happened, I saw one of them at Vegas World. Late in '91 or maybe early in '92, I was in town and hanging out with a bunch of stand-up comedians I knew who were playing the comedy club at the Riviera. That night, their second show was canceled due to some special function that needed the room so we all went to a comped dinner at the Riviera buffet — an okay place to eat as long as it was free. Then, once we were all sufficiently buffeted, one of the comics announced that we were all going over to Mr. Stupak's World to see Steve Rossi. I asked, "Allen and Rossi?" He said no, just Steve Rossi. Actually, it was a show called "So Big Burlesque" fronted by and apparently produced in part by Mr. Rossi.
Allen and Rossi did the early show together at Vegas World. The late show was "So Big Burlesque" which starred Rossi, a bunch of odd variety acts and no Marty Allen but several strippers with…well, I believe the medical term would be "huge gazongas." The featured stripper was a lady who was then appearing in several different venues at the same time. How could she do that? Well, it helps if you have 77" breasts.
Or maybe they were larger than that. Her name was Platinum Peaks and she was a very attractive blonde lady who'd had implants the size of Buick Skylarks. People would ask, "What does she do?" and there were many snide answers to that but the two most-heard were, "She stands up" and "She doesn't have to do anything." As it turned out, both described her act to a "t."
Leafing through one of those free Vegas magazines, I saw her listed as appearing in "So Big Burlesque" and at several local strip clubs, all on the same night at staggered times. One could imagine her and her breasts staggering from job to job every evening, presumably in the same vehicle. One ad touted her top measurement as 77". Another said 80". A poster outside the Vegas World showroom said 88". My friends and I decided that once you passed 70", it didn't matter and anyway, it could vary that much depending on the pollen count.
Anyway, we all went to see "So Big Burlesque." I think tickets were like $9.95 but one of the comedians insisted that we not pay. Instead, he found the showroom manager and identified all of us, including me, as fellow performers on The Strip. Through a thick cloud of chutzpah, he asked, "Isn't it customary that as a matter of professional courtesy, we get in free?" The manager gave us a look of ennui and waved us in. It was easy to find seats because, at least that night, about 70% of them were and would remain unoccupied. (The show later played at least one other Vegas hotel, I believe without Rossi, so it apparently had some drawing power other evenings.)
A recorded orchestra played an overture and we heard an off-stage announcer welcome us and then give the most flowery, praise-filled introduction of the star of the show, the greatest and most popular entertainer in the history of show business. The voice urged us to give him the kind of applause that a true superstar deserves — and now, here he is, the one and only, legendary Mr. Steve Rossi!
We all did as the off-stage announcer urged…and it wasn't until after his opening song when Rossi began speaking that we realized he had been the off-stage announcer.
His singing was fine. His connection with the audience was very polished and professional. His monologue wasn't bad if you didn't mind leftovers from Morey Amsterdam's act intermingled with talk of how spectacularly popular STEVE ROSSI and Marty Allen were. One of the comics I was with muttered, just loud enough so we could hear and no one else could, "Steve…you're starring in 'So Big Burlesque' at Bob Stupak's Vegas World for $9.95 to a house that's a third full and half of us were comped." Another comic added, "And the straight ones are only here to see the tits," which was not quite true. Some of us were actually there to see Steve Rossi.
For about seventy minutes, he introduced acts that are now largely a blur. A few of them were while they were still performing. There were two or three strippers with breasts smaller than the Louisiana Purchase, though not by much. There was a comedy magician. There were a few old burlesque sketches…I guess. I have a great memory but some things, the brain cannot get rid itself of fast enough. What remains unblurred is, first of all, Platinum Peaks. I hope that lady made a lot of money from those breasts, invested it wisely, had her chest downsized to normal and has lived happily ever after in a house she owns outright.
I have never been all that enlivened by breast size. I kinda figure that if you like the rest of the woman, the bustline is automatically perfect, whatever size it might be. Still, like the Grand Canyon which I still haven't seen, 77"-88" breasts are something every man must experience once in his life if only to discover how unsexy they can be. My friends and I learned a valuable lesson that evening.
She went next-to-last, then Rossi closed the show. He sang another song or two, then launched into singing impressions of the usual lineup — Frank, Dino, Sammy, Tony Bennett, etc. They weren't bad but I would have preferred he'd stuck with Steve Rossi since he did him better. Then he got to Robert Goulet.
I am not making this up, I promise you.
He began talking about Robert Goulet and about what a wonderful, generous humanitarian he was. He ticked off a list of benefits Robert Goulet had done, charitable work Robert Goulet had done, contributions to the world that Robert Goulet had made. If I were telling you about Dr. Jonas Salk, the man who invented the polio vaccine that has saved millions from that disease, I would not praise his greatness and contribution to society as much as Steve Rossi extolled the awesome wonderfulness of Robert Goulet.
Then Rossi launched into a story that we didn't believe for a minute. He was at some sort of charity event and Robert Goulet was performing…and as he told this story, he got visibly angry. He was angry at the audience at that event because they hadn't given Robert Goulet a standing ovation. Can you believe that? There was that grand man, that selfless entertainer who gave unsparingly of his time and gifts to help out the less fortunate…and that uncaring, unfeeling audience hadn't given the great Robert Goulet a standing ovation!
Rossi calmed down and apologized for getting upset. He said, "You didn't need to hear that, ladies and gentlemen. I'm sure you're not the kind of audience that would fail to give Robert Goulet a standing ovation. And now, if I may, I'd like to honor him in my own way with my impression of the great Robert Goulet."
And then he sang a version of Goulet's biggest hit — and this is verbatim, including the lines which don't rhyme and didn't fit the meter of the song…
If ever I would leave you
You'll give me a standing ovation
Because a standing ovation is what I deserve
Oh no, you won't sit there
You will jump to your feet
And give a standing ovation…to Robert Goulet!
Well, needless to say, we all vaulted from our chairs and gave "Robert Goulet" a thunderous standing ovation via proxy. And Steve Rossi, dropping the impression, bowed and accepted the standing ovation on his own behalf, saying over and over, "You're too kind…too kind…"
After the show, Rossi made himself available for audience autographs. My group waited around while he signed and posed for photos and we heard several audience members ask if Platinum Peaks was available for meeting…or perhaps climbing. Alas, she and the co-stars in her brassiere had been wheelbarrowed off to another gig. We heard she was downtown at the Union Plaza where, thanks to them, she was able to play the main room and the lounge at the same time.
We met Steve, who brightened up when he heard that he was meeting fellow Strip performers or, in my case, a TV writer. That meant I had the exchange that I endured way too often when I was doing a lot of variety shows. I'd meet a singer or comedian and say something like, "I always admired your work" and then they'd ask —
Well then, how come you've never hired me on any of your shows?
There's no comfortable answer to that. Never has been, never will be. I said I didn't do the casting and that the folks who did had never found the perfect spot for him and that when they do, they'll be in touch and, hey, let's change the subject. We sat with him for about fifteen minutes and apart from The Question, he was very nice and very real and surprisingly humble. To tell you the truth, I liked him better offstage than on. About the show he was doing he said, "Marty only wants to do one performance a night here and so this showroom was just sitting empty at 11:00." Then he added, "And I love to work." That seemed to explain everything.
I managed to make him laugh, though. We asked him about his interim partners — Bernie Allen, Slappy White and a few others. He said nice things about all of them. One of the comedians in our group then said, "A lot of us enjoyed your two new partners." Rossi didn't understand so I explained, "Breasts, each twice the size of Marty Allen." He laughed and said, "Hey, I've got to use that." I'll bet he did.
Allen and Rossi split again for a time before Vegas World came to an end, and Allen moved on to an act he did with his wife at another casino, the Westward Ho. Rossi popped up here and there at other hotels. Then in 1995, Marty and Steve reteamed for what may have been the last time and they played the Sands for what I'm pretty sure was the last time. I went, figuring I had to see them together at least once…and I did, sort of but not really. They were both on the stage at the same time but…well, let me explain.
Steve Rossi was introduced by an offstage announcer who was not him. He came out. He sang songs and talked for, I guess, about a half hour. He would occasionally allude to his partner who would be out shortly but it was a solo Steve Rossi performance. I started wondering if maybe Marty hadn't shown up for work yet and Steve was filling until the guy with the frizzy hair arrived. But no…that was how they structured the act now.
Finally, employing so many superlatives you'd have thought he was describing himself, Rossi introduced his partner who he loved so, so much…and out came Marty Allen. And then what happened was that Allen did his solo act with Rossi next to him on stage.
They did not do any of those funny interviews I'd seen on the Sullivan program. They barely talked to each other. Marty favored us with what I'm sure was the same stand-up routine he'd been doing at the Westward Ho, and during it, Steve stood there next to him, holding the hand mike in front of Marty's mouth and laughing uproariously at every single thing Marty said. Steve was not in the act as a partner but as a microphone stand and a "fake laugher" like Milton Berle used to always plant in his audiences.
Allen was pretty humorous but I thought he was upstaged by Rossi, standing there in faux hysterics, trying desperately to not fall over from way too much laughter. I was at a front table and I could see that every so often, Marty gave Steve a little look as if to say, "Hey, tone it down a notch. This isn't that funny." At the end, I think they did a song together, took mutual bows, hugged a bit for our benefit and then exited. I sure got the feeling they weren't driving home from the Sands together. And less than a year later, there was no more Sands Hotel.
I think that engagement was the last time they played Las Vegas and maybe anywhere as a team. Allen went back to the Westward Ho for a while (it's not there anymore, either) and I understand he's semi-retired now, occasionally playing cruise ships. I finally got to meet him at an autograph show last year and he was funny and delightful and really, really happy for non-monetary reasons that so many people wanted to greet him, hear him say "Hello Dere" and get his autograph.
I can't pretend to explain the chemistry or whatever it was that catapulted Allen and Rossi to a certain amount of stardom that eluded almost all of the other teams that used Dean and Jerry for role models. It had something to do with Marty's exuberant good humor, something to do with the fact that Steve was a good singer and straight man, and a lot to do with good breaks and good management. I suspect it was more because of Steve Rossi than seemed obvious when you saw them performing back then. The guy really understood a certain end of show business and how to make it work for himself when he appeared solo and for the both of them when he appeared with Marty.
I'm sorry I never got to see them work together live back when they actually worked together. I'll bet they were a lot better than those six minute spots on The Merv Griffin Show. I'm sure they were a lot better than what I saw at the Sands.
Still, Martin and Lewis — like Laurel and Hardy or Abbott and Costello — were before my time and I only saw Rowan and Martin in a TV studio in Burbank taping short bits for Laugh-In. So Allen and Rossi were the biggest show business "duo" I ever got to see in person. Unless, I guess, you count Platinum Peaks. I hear one of her breasts quit the act for a time and teamed up with Joe E. Ross.