Here's a list of 22 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Who Doesn't Drink. I am such a person. Have never had a drink of alcohol — not even beer or wine — and doubt I ever will. A couple of the items on that list seem worthy of sober comment…
4. "I'm going to get you to drink." No, you're not, the same way I'm not going to get you not to drink. People get to make their own decisions, and trying to change mine on alcohol will be a failed endeavor.
I haven't encountered this much since I hit around age 30 but before, I found myself around a number of people who made it their personal mission to get non-participants involved in liquor and/or other mood-changers. Once at a party, the host (one of them) went to get me a 7-Up and, being the suspicious type, I spied and saw him pour something else into the glass. I think that's one of the assholiest things I've ever encountered in my life and I told him so and went home.
By the way: I'm really a non-drinker. I've since quit 7-Up and all carbonated drinks, too. My body has decided it wants nothing stronger than water and I don't miss other liquids at all.
7. "You must think I'm such a mess." No, I don't think you are such a mess because you are drinking and I'm not.
I never think that drinking alone makes someone a mess but I have been around some people who…well, let's just say that if they weren't drinking and could see how they looked and acted while drinking, they might stop drinking. But that's their choice.
10. "Do you think you're better than us?" Alcohol's a beverage, not a measure of moral superiority (or inferiority). So no, I just don't want to drink.
I've had this exchange. I do not have any moral condemnation of anyone who drinks unless they do something awful because of it.
Many years ago, someone I cared a lot about was killed by a drunk driver. Amazingly, the driver thought he should not be punished because he was drunk at the time and therefore not in any position to be responsible for his action. He tried to claim Temporary Insanity and his lawyer made the offer that his client would plead guilty (or maybe No Contest) to a charge of public drunkenness if the prosecutors would drop this irrelevant stuff about the dead girl.
That, by the way, is not the reason I don't drink. I wasn't the least bit interested in it before that, either. But yeah, I guess I do feel morally superior to someone who lets himself get into a condition where he doesn't know what the hell he's doing and harms others or even, as has been the case with a few friends, themselves. This is a pretty tiny percentage of those who drink.
18. "You must have so much dirt on everyone, watching us sober." Of course, my favorite hobby is to collect blackmail and is the sole reason I don't drink. Actually, I'm not judging. Please stop judging me.
Actually, I do have "dirt" on some people because I was sober and could remember things they said while drinking but I pretend I never heard them. Once in a while though, it's hard to get them out of your mind and I'm afraid a few of them have — shall we say? — colored my view of three or four individuals.
My main gripes relating to the way those who drink deal with those of us who do not are (a) people who assume my not drinking is some criticism of them and (b) people who assume there's nothing I want more than booze. I've had folks mix me a drink, come up and hand it to me on the presumption that everyone must love it as much as they do. Then they get annoyed with me that they made that mistake.
As a person with many food allergies, I also have to cope with the social discomfort of people preparing or giving me food I can't eat. Not being able to eat certain things is not exactly like choosing not to drink but it often gets you to the same clumsy situations. One time, I went over to pick up a date…and I thought I was taking her out to a restaurant of mutual choice. It was my second — and as it turned out, last date with this lady.
She greeted me at the door wearing an apron over other garments and announced, "I have a surprise for you," a phrase I have come to dread when it relates to food or drink. She'd spent all day cooking a meal for the two of us…and there wasn't a single item there that I could eat. Well no, there were carrot sticks but a dish of them is not exactly fine dining.
She'd also mixed a whole pitcher of martinis (I think that's what they were) for us to share despite the fact that I'd told her on our first date that I didn't imbibe. That information somehow does not register with some people. It seems so natural to them, I guess, that they can't grasp that it isn't for everyone. I have that same problem with people who pour me unwanted coffee because, you know, everyone drinks coffee. I don't.
That second date did not go well. She felt stupid or angry or…well, I'm not sure how to describe it. I had somehow made a mess of the evening and caused her to waste the cost of the groceries and a whole day over a hot stove by not being able to eat asparagus. Whatever, it was surely my fault for not being a normal human being. She also got a bit drunk — the nasty kind of drunk — because she downed all the martinis and that further ensured there would be no third date.
I get along fine without drinking alcohol or even coffee. I get along fine without eating the things I shouldn't eat. I'm utterly respectful of your right to control what goes into your body. I just ask that everyone be that respectful of mine and recognize that what's good for you may not be good for me. Once in an awkward while, people just don't seem able to do that.