Monthly Archives: March 2014

The Oscars did even better in the ratings than I or anyone expected. I wonder what kind of "lesson" its producers and network are extrapolating from this information. That America loves Ellen? That the whole country cared if 12 Years a Slave won? That people were tuning in just to make sure Seth MacFarlane wasn't back? Beats me.

By the way, I keep forgetting to mention this: Ms. DeGeneres did a lot of bits out with the audience and I'm wondering about the audio out there. Most of the stars she picked to chat with out there were well-heard. She wasn't carrying around a microphone so I wonder if they were all picked up on a super-sensitive wireless mike she was wearing or if there was something else employed. I went back and looked at some scenes to see if the crew had put mikes on folks like Liza and Meryl and I don't think they did. (That would have been really awkward and uncomfortable to arrange, even if they knew for sure who Ellen would be speaking with.)

Birthday greetings continue to trickle in. Thank you, thank you, thank you. To answer the question everyone keeps asking me, I spent most of my birthday doing whatever it is I do on Groo. It's the first issue of a new twelve-issue series that will bring Groo back to monthly publication for an entire year. I don't know when it will commence but it should be after the Groo Vs. Conan mini-series, the publication date for which will be announced any day now. You'll be getting a lot more Groo, folks, whether you like it or not.

This is a better clip of something I posted once before here. Last year, the Disney company christened a new cruise ship called the Disney Fantasy and they hired, for probably a nice piece o' change, Neil Patrick Harris to emcee the christening ceremony. As part of the presentation, Mr. Harris performed a nice piece of special material not unlike the kind of thing he does so well on award shows. The opening is trimmed but here's the bulk of it…

Well, looks like I lost in the non-existent Oscar Pool to predict the ratings. Early returns say the telecast did about as well as last year, and some industry pundits are already congratulating Ellen DeGeneres for that. I still think the host doesn't have that much to do with the numbers but maybe I'm wrong about that, too.

I didn't mention Cate Blanchett's acceptance speech which thanked Woody Allen and which I thought was fine. A couple of folks wrote to ask me what I thought Hollywood's over-all reaction was to the accusations against Mr. Allen. I don't think "Hollywood" speaks with one voice or has one reaction to almost anything. If I had to guess what a poll would show, it would be that most people don't know which scenario to believe, feel that admiration for Allen's work is a separate matter, and maybe even resent being told they have to take sides when they see the evidence as far from airtight either way.

I should also mention that when I worked with John Travolta 38 years ago, he was always letter-perfect with his lines. And if he's anywhere near the same guy now, he'll be apologizing to Idina Menzel and begging her forgiveness the rest of his life. But maybe he's not the same guy now.

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In the non-Oscar world in which we must all sadly now live: Several folks have informed me that the street configuration in Vegas has changed and it is now possible to walk from the Excalibur or New York, New York to the nearby In-N-Out Burger stand. It's not an easy walk, they say…but some have done it.

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I got a weird e-mail from someone demanding I apologize to Sarah Palin for mocking her prediction, made some time ago and mocked by many, that if Barack Obama was elected president, Russia would invade Ukraine. First off, I never mentioned it. Secondly, I believe the mocking was over the assertion that Russia would not do something it wanted to do if America voted for someone else. And thirdly, has anyone tallied the number of predictions that woman has gotten wrong? Even phony psychics get one or two right out of a hundred. I don't think Palin was right in this one but even if she was, that's what? A .005 batting average? Do this woman's supporters understand that she's not running for public office? That she's running for money?

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Thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes to me yesterday. Much appreciated…and no, I don't feel any older. My knees do but the rest of me doesn't.

This is not actually a review of the Academy Awards. You shouldn't review a show that you watched using the Fast Forward button as much as I did. The critics who weighed in so far are being pretty harsh about Ellen DeGeneres as host but I thought she did pretty much the job you expect when you bring in Ellen DeGeneres: A few great lines, friendly chatter with the audience, nothing Earth-shattering. That's what she does. The bit with taking a "selfie" in the audience was kinda funny.

Personally, I think the Oscars oughta be hosted by someone who's either a big movie star…or someone, like Johnny Carson, who's almost more important than the ceremony, itself. I'm not sure who'd qualify in the latter category these days but in the former, how about Tom Hanks or Kevin Spacey? Or better still, Steve Martin again? (Actually, the guy I wish they'd get is Albert Brooks but I doubt we'll see that.) I'm curious to see what Neil Patrick Harris will do when, as seems inevitable, he does it.

It was not an exciting evening but that's not the fault of the producers. It wasn't an exciting list of nominees. I don't think most of America cared that much who won in each category. I was kind of hoping Bruce Dern would win, not because I loved Nebraska (didn't see it) but because I think he could have given a memorable, emotional acceptance speech. But again, it's not the producers' fault that he didn't win and didn't get to give that speech.

Musical numbers seemed fine. The heart aches for John Travolta botching Idina Menzel's name. It may say something that the best performance was of a song not nominated — Bette Midler's nice little non sequitur. The "In Memoriam" reel seemed a bit too mawkish to me and of course, there were glaring omissions, the biggest being Jonathan Winters and Ed Lauter. But someone hustled to get Harold Ramis in there instead of waiting for next year. That was nice.

Nothing I saw made me want to rush out and see any of the films…but then, I fast-forwarded through a lot of the clips. I'll predict the ratings will be tepid, not because of Ellen but because of who was nominated. I'll take "37 million viewers" in that Oscar pool. Another 10 to 20 million will have watched in other countries and the Academy will, as usual, total them all up and brag that a billion people watched. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Rob Lowe: "Whenever I shoot a scene where I turn around in a doorway, smile and exit, I wonder if it will someday be my 'In Memoriam' clip."

• I have to go out so I'll do my snarky Oscar tweets now: Boy, are these people phony! And look at that dress Meryl Streep is wearing!

Here's the last of these…

I really, really like Boston Market and was sad to see the recent closure of the one nearest me. Actually, the rumor a few years ago was that they were all going to close. McDonald's acquired the chain in 2000 with some sort of plan to shut them all down and use the real estate for other enterprises. But someone had second thoughts, they kept the chain going and in 2007, McDonald's sold the whole thing to yet another corporation that seems to want to stay in that business.

What do I like about them? It's food that tastes like food and there are times I'm not in the mood for pizza or something fried. They have pretty good turkey, pretty good rotisserie chicken, a decent chicken soup and a few other items that make me happy. In what other fast food restaurants can you get fresh, hand-carved turkey at all?

I can't think of anything else to say about Boston Market so I'm going to leave it at that. Oh, yeah — I wish they had more of them in the areas where I travel. They're in my Top Five of this list.

I used to like In-N-Out Burger and looking back, I'm not sure why. I think I liked the idea of the place and the friendly employees more than I ever liked the chow. Your basic burger there comes with tomato, hand-leafed lettuce and a spread not unlike Thousand Island dressing. I have them leave all of that off, toss on some onions and then I add ketchup. The buns are good but the meat is pretty tasteless and always so overcooked that you'd never know it hadn't been frozen. Their french fries are unimpressive, though I've found they're a bit better if you request them well-done.

In-N-Out Burger only operates in five states in the west, though a sixth is rumored. In those states, I think there's a powerful loyalty to the brand because it's ours and we want to believe we have something wonderful that other states don't. When folks in Manhattan gloat about New York Pizza, we can fire back and say, "Yeah? Well, you haven't got In-N-Out Burger!" I really think their rep is built to some extent on that kind of bragging.

It causes folks from other states to seek out In-N-Out when they travel to one of the five states. In Las Vegas, just off The Strip, there's an In-N-Out that is said to be the busiest fast food restaurant in the country because it's an easy drive-thru for cab drivers and Vegas has a lot of them working that area. (The In-N-Out right near LAX here in Los Angeles is also always jammed and the line is mostly limos and cabs.)

But although that particular In-N-Out in Vegas is near The Strip, you can't walk to it from there. You'd have to walk on streets where no pedestrian traffic is allowed. So a lot of tourists, if they've rented a car for their stay, drive to or through it to sample one of these famous, impossible-to-get-back-home burgers. And more than one cab driver in Vegas has told me that almost every night, some tourist hops in the back seat and says, "Take me through In-N-Out and while I'm at it, I'll buy you a burger."

As I've written here on this site, a lot of my tastes in foods have changed the last few years, including a newly-acquired aversion to sweets. In my last few In-N-Out visits, I found the burger very tasteless and I wondered on this site if the product had gotten worse or if it was just my morphing taste buds. Quite a few folks wrote in to say their tastes hadn't changed but they were liking In-N-Out less and less. I've given up on them but I've also decided that though I find the premise of the operation and the management to be delightful, I never really liked the food much in the first place.

There. I've said it. Don't bother throwing me out of California. I'll leave quietly on my own.

I wouldn't have put Baskin-Robbins on any list of fast food places…but then I also wouldn't have listed Krispy Kreme. But I suppose both are fast and what they offer is food…sort of.  Anyway, up until my sweet tooth went away on me, I liked Baskin-Robbins a lot, though I can't say I liked it much more or less any other place that sold ice cream.  I mean, isn't all ice cream good?

Come to think of it, no. A few years ago, a Kosher Ice Cream shop opened near me and I went in and got a Kosher Ice Cream Cone — chocolate, I believe. There are a lot of things Jews don't do well and if this is what all Kosher Ice Cream is like, add another to the list. I think I had about three licks before I consigned my purchase to a trash can. Awful, awful stuff…and the general public seems to have agreed with me because they were out of business in under three months. That was just enough time for everyone in the neighborhood to try it once, I guess.

As I wrote here once, the Baskin-Robbins concept of 31 Flavors was always lost on me. I liked the chocolate, the vanilla, a couple of flavors that combined chocolate and vanilla in different configurations, a flavor called Lemon Mousse, orange sherbet…and that's about it. They could have gotten just as much of my business with five flavors. My most frequent order was a two-scoop parlay — vanilla on the bottom, orange sherbet on the top. (I learned that once from a Peanuts comic strip: Always have them put the vanilla on the bottom so the top scoop bleeds into the vanilla instead of the other way around.)

Oh, and I should mention the cakes. The cakes were great. When asked to bring dessert to a party, I'd stop and get a Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Cake and everyone always loved it.

At the Baskin-Robbins near me, if you bought a cake, they'd write a message on it for you. I always asked for something really stupid like, "Congrats on Beating the Morals Charge" or "Happy Bar Mitzvah, Buddy Sorrell." One time, I asked a teenage lady behind the counter to have the cake say, "Happy Birthday, Your Name Here." She wrote it down, then asked, "Do you really want me to put my name on it? And by the way, my birthday isn't until next month."

Actually, even before I gave up ice cream, I hadn't been to a Baskin-Robbins for about ten years but there's something kind of happy about those places. I smile a bit every time I see one. They just closed the one nearest me and it's now an empty store for rent, which is sad news. Unless, of course, someone opens a Boston Market in its place.

What we have here is the audio (only) of a speech Allan Sherman gave at U.C.L.A. on October 28, 1970. I loved Allan Sherman and I was attending U.C.L.A. at the time and I forget what it was but something, to my great agony, prevented me from attending this. A friend of mine went, taped the audio, promised to dupe me a copy and never did. I figured I'd never hear it but now, 44 years later, here it is on YouTube. Ain't the Internet wonderful? It runs close to an hour.

I might have been disappointed if I'd attended then because Sherman said not a word about his comedy career. He devoted his mike time to speaking against The War (this was back when we had them one at a time) and attacking Vice-President Spiro Agnew with a much-too-long — and only occasionally funny — speech. At the time, we got plenty of that from folks who had more to say and said it better. He was also preaching to the choir.

Now, the talk is an interesting relic of the times, typical of the kind of anti-war speeches we heard everywhere in those days. And it also strikes a personal chord for me. He asks why the government wants his twenty-year-old son Robert to go to Vietnam. I don't think Robbie, with whom I went to high school, did go. I was the same age and I didn't go, either…

Kevin Drum tells us what's going to happen with Ukraine. Bet he's right.

What's up with the Ukraine? Fred Kaplan, as usual, can explain it all.

Hey, let's give credit where due to the National Weather Service. Way back on Feb. 20, as I noted here, they fearlessly predicted a 100% chance of rain for Southern California yesterday…and sure enough, it rained here yesterday. It rained a lot here yesterday, though probably not enough to mean anything to our drought situation. It's raining off and on here today and it should clear out in plenty of time to not moisten the Oscars.

I will make it through the Oscars in about twenty minutes thanks to the miracle that is TiVo. A lot of the suspense seems to be about what, if anything, Cate Blanchett will say if and when she wins. A lot of folks in the press have been trying to write her acceptance speech for her but they're hampered by, among other things, no real knowledge of what she has on her mind. I sure don't know. What I do know is that someone won't like it and that the vote, in the categories for which Blue Jasmine is nominated, is not a referendum on how "Hollywood" feels about what Woody Allen did or didn't do. But some will say it is.

A few years ago, I gave up all beverages but water. I sometimes drink protein drinks made with Jay Robb Chocolate Whey Protein Isolate Powder, water and a splash of milk but I've been scaling the milk back and will probably do away with it completely before long. I also sometimes drink lemonade made with True Lemon mix and water. That, however, is it. No coffee, no tea, no juices, no soda, no wine, no nothing.

So basically, I just drink water. My favorite is Crystal Geyser spring water, which I have been known to buy fifty gallons at a time. It's a great bottled water. I've tried them all but it's by far the best…I think.

They sell it in most local markets for $1.49 a gallon and the 99-Cents-Only store sometimes has gallons for its signature price. Over at the Whole Foods Markets I visit, they get $1.59 for one…or at least that was the cost a few days ago when I was in the one near me and took the above photo. As you can see, right next to the Crystal Geyser aqua, you can find bottles of the Whole Foods house brand, which they call 365. It usually goes for a dollar a bottle, and the chain has this deal where if you buy a case of a 365-brand item (and I think, some others), you get an additional discount.

So let's say you share my love of Crystal Geyser and you're in my local Whole Foods and you need water. Are you going to buy a case of their 365 brand for less than a buck a bottle? Or are you going to pay more and buy Crystal Geyser?

Answer: You're going to buy 365 water. Reason: It's the same water.

Look closely at the label. In teensy-tiny-micro type, it tells you that 365 water is "Bottled at the CG Roxane Spring Source in Olancha, CA 93549." That's interesting because Crystal Geyser water is "Bottled at the CG Roxane Spring Source in Olancha, CA 93549." So it's the exact same water. I mean, they don't have two separate streams up there, one with inferior water.

It's bottled in the same plant with the same equipment and the same bottles. Only the label varies…and the price.

CG Roxane, whoever she or it is, bottles its water for a number of other labels. The last time I was in a Walgreens, their house brand came from CG Roxane. Last week in my neighborhood Trader Joe's, I checked their house brand. They had liter bottles courtesy of CG Roxane, and smaller bottles from some other source.

I assume this arrangement does not go all over the country. 365 water at a Whole Foods in New York may be from another supplier. But out here where I live, a lot of Crystal Geyser water is sold under assumed names.

These product masquerades are very common. There are a lot of websites that try to track who really makes the products that Costco sells under its Kirkland label or who really makes Trader Joe's items. Often, a mayonnaise that sells for five bucks under its brand name can be purchased as a Trader Joe's product for $3.50. But this thing with the Whole Foods Market water…that's the first time I've seen the brand name version and the house brand version of a product sold side-by-side.

Whole Foods gives a lot of shelf space over to the Crystal Geyser bottles so they must sell…probably better than the 365 brand.  People come in, see those two options (among many others) and opt for the brand they've heard of even though it's more than 50% more expensive.  Maybe some figure that price = quality.  Whole Foods does cater to a clientele that's willing to pay more to get better produce and baked goods and meat and such.  I wonder if any other store would try this.

Here are the last two of those "Happy Birthday" songs that Mel Blanc recorded in the late fifties. November is the month of Foghorn Leghorn and December is Cicero Pig, who to my knowledge never appeared in a Warner Brothers cartoon, at least under that name.

There were a couple of young pigs (like "Pinky" in the 1939 Porky's Picnic) who popped up in Porky's cartoons and I suppose one might argue that one or more of them was Cicero before he changed his name. Anyway, he seems to have made his first appearance under that moniker in the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies comic books published by Dell and from there made his way into the coloring and activity books that Western Printing and Lithography published…until he became a mainstay of W.B. merchandising. Here, Mel gives him what is probably the same voice he'd have had if he'd ever made it into a cartoon. But first, here's Foghorn…