Three more…
I have been to a Del Taco once in my life. One night at 3 AM, I was working here and I suddenly realized I oughta (a) eat something because I hadn't eaten in too many hours and (b) get to bed. Before I could do either of these things, I got a phone call that my mother had pushed what I called her "I've fallen and I can't get up" button. She hadn't fallen. She was just so ill that she was summoning an ambulance. I sprinted for my car and — long story short — by 5 AM, we were in the Emergency Room at the hospital. A nice doctor told me, "I've given her a sedative so she can get some sleep while we wait for test results. We should have them in an hour or two."
So I had an hour or two to kill. The hospital cafeteria didn't open until 7 AM so I went down to a vending machine room where I'd often grabbed a bite of something on similar long nights. The machines were picked clean of things I might find edible…and what I should have done was get in my car and drive to some 24 hour restaurant for an actual meal. But I was afraid to stray too far so I walked to a 24 hour Del Taco that was near the hospital.
I'd never been in one before because my food allergies pretty much rule out anything that's standard in a Mexican restaurant…even a Mexican fast food joint. But they had hamburgers so I ordered one. The teenager at the counter told me I might be happier with a taco or a burrito. I told her, "No thanks…I can't eat a taco or a burrito. I'd like a hamburger." She told me I might be happier with a quesadilla or a tostada. I told her, "No thanks…I can't eat a quesadilla or a tostada. I'd like a hamburger." She gave up and told the cook — the only other employee in the place — "One hamburger."
The cook said, "Tell him he'll be happier with a taco or a burrito."
I finally got them to make me a hamburger. I could see what they meant. I don't eat at Del Taco anymore.
I was introduced to Krispy Kreme by a friend of mine named Christine Pedi, a talented actress and Broadway performer. She said they had the best donuts in the world. This was back when I ate things like that. I'm not sure if they were the best I'd ever had but if they weren't, they were close enough. My favorite was the Chocolate Iced Custard Filled…but when I went to a Krispy Kreme store, my real favorite was whatever was the most-recently made.
One year a long time ago, I had to spend a week in Las Vegas and I worked day and night in my room but especially night. I was writing a script, often until 7 AM or 8 AM. Then I'd sleep most of the day, just to annoy the housekeepers.
Around 3 AM, I would take a break and walk from my room at the Luxor to the Krispy Kreme stand over in the Excalibur. The two hotels are owned by the same company and there's a walkway that connects them. It was a long walk so I felt better about eating a Krispy Kreme donut than if I hadn't burned so many calories to get to it.
There was a very cute lady who worked there and as she didn't have much to do at 3 AM, we always got to talking. I think I went over for the conversation as much as for the donut. This was not a romantic thing — she was married and in an early stage of pregnancy — but I liked talking with her and making her laugh. One night as I walked up, I said, "What's the latest donut?" She said they'd just made Cinnamon Buns so I said, "I'll have a Cinnamon Bun." As she was fetching it, a well-dressed man rushed up, shoved his way past me and demanded a dozen assorted donuts, IMMEDIATELY!
She said, "I'll help you as soon as I finish helping this gentleman." That didn't satisfy the well-dressed man and he screamed like it was an emergency, "YOU WILL GIVE ME THE DONUTS NOW!!!" I nodded to her to help him first and she began putting donuts in a box for the man. As she did, I turned to him and said, "You sound like someone's holding your loved ones at gunpoint for a donut ransom."
He said, "It's worse than that! We have a whale who's demanding them or he's going to go to another casino!" ("Whale" is the Vegas term for a gambler who bets — and preferably loses — in the $100,000 and up category.) I realized the fellow was a casino host, probably not from the Excalibur.
A casino host jumps at the whims of such gamblers. The bigger the whale, the higher the jump. From the way he acted, he had a Blackjack player back at this hotel who'd just swallowed Gepetto.
She gave him the box of donuts, he threw twenty dollars at her and, not waiting for change, sprinted out with the box.
The lady had just made about a twelve dollar tip so she insisted on treating me to my Cinnamon Bun. I asked her if anything like that had ever happened to her before. She said, "About two weeks ago, a woman came in, shoved her way past about ten people in line and demanded a dozen Glazed Raspberry Filled donuts immediately. Just like that guy, she screamed, 'IMMEDIATELY!'"
"Another casino host?" I asked.
She said, "No…just a fat lady who couldn't wait two minutes for her donuts. She ate the whole dozen standing up in about four minutes, then came back for more. The second time, she waited in line."
As I've mentioned here, my sweet tooth has gone away on me so I no longer eat donuts or anything of the sort. But when I did, I liked Krispy Kreme. And after that, I couldn't eat one without thinking of that story.
I don't like anything at El Pollo Loco except the chicken. Don't like their fries, don't like their mashed potatoes, can't eat any of their Mexican dishes. I don't even like their little half-ears of corn-on-the-cob. How the hell can you ruin corn-on-the-cob? But I like their chicken so much that I am often found at an El Pollo Loco picking up one of their eight-piece chicken-only packs.
If you've never had it: El Pollo Loco serves citrus-marinated chicken that's grilled over an open flame. It's very good, especially when you haven't refrigerated and then reheated it. I always assumed it was among the healthier things I could eat at a Fast Food place but until I looked it up, I hadn't realized how much healthier. A 4.3 oz. chicken breast with skin at El Pollo Loco contains 220 calories and has 620 mg of Sodium. A fried breast of approximately the same size at KFC contains 360 calories and 1080 mg of Sodium. Even if those numbers were even, I'd still prefer the one from El Pollo Loco.
Years ago, we had a similar chain in Southern California that never caught on…because of the name, I suspect. They served pretty much the same grub but they called themselves Chicken on Fire. I liked their food but I always felt a bit uneasy walking into a place called Chicken on Fire. I'll bet I wasn't the only one.
Next time: We finish the Top 27 with Boston Market, In-N-Out Burger and Baskin-Robbins…but I'll be doing a few more of these after that.